If you’re reading this article then you must have some interest in kink. What better way to add spice to the bedroom than living out your most dangerous fantasies. But experiencing thrilling adventures doing something unexpected doesn't mean you have to put yourself at risk in the process.
By definition, bondage is the partial or full restriction of your partner’s movement. It could be because you want to spice things up, or just curious about how it will make you feel. The good news is that BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) has unlimited possibilities to enhance your sex life, and it can be fun, exhilarating, and extremely pleasurable.
But for couples that are new to BDSM, one misguided step of going too far too fast, you could wind up getting hurt (and not in a good way). We've all read the news stories of couples trying something kinky in the boudoir and ending up on the show
Sex Sent Me to the ER. Talk about a fantasy killer!
No need to worry though because we are here to highlight a few important play it safe tips.
Speak Up
Bondage can be the most loving, sensual and erotic form of sexual expression for couples that have an agreement of trust. Before you even pull out the rope, leather, silk ties—talk in detail about what you want to experience together. While discussing your fantasies, allow the conversation expand on boundaries, limits and what you are expecting. Once you’ve explored all of this in a conversation, you both will have an easier time giving and getting what you want.
Bondage is not a passive exploration where one partner does all of the work while the other quietly lies back. In fact, communication is the key to safe, sexy and interactive restraint play. When having a partner restrained, it’s vital that you always communicate, and ask questions about how they feel emotionally, physically and mentally. In addition, the person being restrained should feel free to share anything about what they are experiencing, including the levels of pain and pleasure. Speaking up will ensure that you both are having a good time.
Kinky Line in the Sand
It is essential to set clear boundaries and limits every time you play, and the reason is that what worked last week may not work today. For example, if you are trying out your new
Obéir Spanking Bench, be clear about what will happen while you're restrained and what other things you are open to—like hair pulling, anal insertion, nipple pinching and so on. Because you both need to know what to expect, be specific. This will make it easier to relax into new sensations and surrender. Plus, when you set clear boundaries and stick to them, you'll build stronger trust.
Play & Stay
Bondage allows your partner to surrender and enjoy erotic pleasure while being completely vulnerable. Keeping your naughty subject right where you want them can as simple as using some
Silk Sashes to weaving a complex web of
hemp ropes. But the ecstasy of being tied up can go from good to bad within a matter of seconds, and it’s your responsibility to react in time. No matter the situation—never, ever leave your partner unattended while restrained. It does not matter if the postman is beating your door down or a neighbor catches the yard on fire. For a quick escape, always keep a pair of EMT safety shears near your side. These shears are inexpensive and widely available and are designed to cut without hurting the skin.
Use Your Words
Sometimes restraint play sessions don’t go as planned. That is why a safe word is an essential component. A safe word is a word that signals to your partner that a line has been crossed or that there is pain, distress or discomfort and calls all play to an immediate halt. Whatever the reason, once the word has been spoken, the scene is stopped and the issue instantly addressed. Find a word that is easy to express and has nothing in common with sexual play. Words like red, yellow and green are universal and are easy to remember, but we like words that will never come up in play like 'Grandma's dentures.' It's sure to be a show-stopper.
Staying Clear
A really good glass of wine is hard to resist, and for some, a few glasses can lessen inhibitions. But alcohol and drugs impair thinking and judgment which leads to bondage mishaps. Plus, when you’re under the influence, you miss out on the best part of bondage play—the endorphins that give you a natural high. Remain sober for the best natural high from a good spanking!
Permission
They say that with great power comes great responsibility and whether your role is being the restrainer or the restrained, that responsibility is to make certain of consent. Without it, there is no play. Consent is affirmative permission given in sound mind. So, if someone is impaired, there is no consent. If someone refuses to play by the rules, there is no consent.
Know Your Nerves
Part of the exhilaration that bondage offers is being able to discover one's body and stimulate certain pressure points. However, it's just as important to know what's underneath the skin before tying someone up. Rope or any other binding should never cut too far into the skin and you should be on the lookout for any circulation issues like extremely cold and blue extremities. When in doubt, it's safer to loosen the binds and begin again. Having a basic understanding of anatomy will help to avoid nerve damage. This is one of the most common, and yet avoidable, bondage injuries. So, having a basic understanding of where the nerves are in relation to your binds will save you and your partner a trip to the ER.
That's also why we are such fans of the
Talea Spreader Bar. The foam core allows you to take it easy on your joints and nerves, without sacrificing the sexy spread of this devilish bar. The plush cuffs also allow you to stay in the moment without nasty scrapes on your skin or pinching you can get from metal bars and handcuffs. Plus, they are easy to remove so you won't have to make that embarrassing call to the ER.
It is easy to become overwhelmed when you’re new to BDSM, but part of the fun and excitement is taking it one step at a time. If you understand it as a long-term exploration, you’ll be able to savor each process while discovering yourself as a sexual being. Identifying your specific kink can open a whole world of sexy options. But remember, keep safety first in mind while you’re acting out your most devilish of fantasies.
