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Meet Me In The Library: Engaging your mind for hotter sex

Couple kissing
Meet Me In The Library: Engaging your mind for hotter sex

Once upon a time, porn was a relatively difficult commodity to obtain. My husband and I talk all the time about how hard it was in the 80’s to catch a glimpse of boobs or cocks back in the day. You might snatch a Playboy or Penthouse from an older relative if you got lucky. Or glimpse a sliver of nipple through the fuzz on Cinemax. But actual porn? It was out of reach as a curious, horny teenager. 


Now, if there’s a fetish, no matter how obscure, you can be certain that it exists on Pornhub or some other site. 


I have two gripes about porn – I worry about the exploitation of the performers AND I think it removes the element of imagination from our sex lives. I have had people ask about my biggest fantasy. I honestly don’t know anymore because I’m so desensitized to everything and there’s very little I haven’t seen if I wanted to see it. It’s challenging to figure out which porn is “ethical”, so when pangs of conscience bite, I return to my formative roots that took hold when tits and ass were verboten – written erotica (on sites like Literotica.com). 


It’s exciting to read improbable stories about aliens, tentacles, creatures, package delivery guys, etc.. It’s even more gratifying to know that no one was harmed, coerced, or traumatized by some “performance”. I’m starting to take the ethical implications of our worldwide porn obsession into consideration. (No judgments, I’m talking about my opinion here.) I won’t jump onto a NOFAP bandwagon, but I’d certainly like to scale back on the extremities. I have a very open mind, and yet, I want to reorient my sexual interests so that I can enjoy simple things again. 


I think that porn has gone to such extremes because it has become largely about shock value, disgust, horror, and thrill-seeking. It’s more about the titillation factor than the fantasy. That’s why it keeps pushing the boundaries. If you see it live on screen, it’s reality - albeit a shocking reality - even when it’s basic fucking. It leaves common sex feeling lackluster and dull. And porn usually entirely omits the idea that the participants have any emotional involvement whatsoever. It’s hard to build up any suspense or romance when the entire premise is fucking. (And we all know how thin the plot lines and acting chops are in porn.)


I have heard over time that women supposedly aren’t as visual as men when it comes to porn. I enjoy the visual very much. I also love fantasy though. I enjoy imagining the characters interact and the situations unfold. When you are bombarded with the wildest REAL images, fantasy is difficult to conjure mentally. 


I’d also wager that between social media, COVID, and our increasing isolation from other humans, we are becoming less adept at real connection, using mind, body, and soul. I want desperately to disconnect from my phone, laptop, tv, Alexa devices, etc., and reconnect with my partner’s hard cock. I want to fantasize again and dream up dirty things I can say to rev him up. I want to rediscover the language of love, eroticism, and intimate connection. I think I can do that if I reboot the system, read some erotic fiction, and rebuild my sexual vocabulary. I’ll let you know how it goes!

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