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Look around you! Things are not always as they seem. Perhaps your happy-go-lucky neighbors are doing it. Or the cute bank teller is doing it. Or even your closest friends and family members are doing it. Swinging that is. All across the globe millions of traditionally married and non-married couples are consensually swapping partners and playing well with others. Once proclaimed “Wife Swapping” swinging has garnered more positive attention over the past few decades and is fast becoming part of the schema of marital and committed relationships.

Swinging Lessons: Advice from Experienced Swingers

For some couples, the idea of swinging is merely pillow talk or fantasy roleplaying, while others have wholeheartedly stepped in the complex web of this lifestyle. If you’re remotely considering swinging with your spouse, part-time lover, or a friend with benefits there are a few things you should know before getting started.

We asked a group of swingers what those “things” are and this is what they told us.

Swinging Lessons: Advice from Experienced SwingersHow did you bring up the subject of swinging?

We were in bed talking about our fantasies. My spouse casually brought up the subject of having a threesome and asked how I felt about having another person join us. Then we just took it from there. After having the threesome, we felt comfortable enough discussing the option of playing with other couples.

What were your expectations before swinging? What made you want to try it?

We wanted to try it as an exercise to become closer to experience things together that may have otherwise been a threat to a conventional relationship. We expected it to be a learning process but we didn’t know how much thought and effort would have to go into it to find the right fit.

Swinging Lessons: Advice from Experienced SwingersAs a newbie to swinging, how did you go about meeting like-minded people?

We did our research. At first, we scoured the internet forums in search of local swinging communities. Reddit was an amazing resource for understanding the whole concept of swinging. We also went to online blogs and read about other people’s experiences. One of the best pieces of advice was simply going to a local swinging club and watching how other people in the community interact with one another. The cool thing is you have the choice of participating or not. People at swing clubs are very helpful and are willing to offer guidance for newbies.

There are some great websites like and that let you find local events and parties. We enjoy meeting up for coffee first and seeing if we’re even a good fit.

What kind of discussion did you have before the big event? How did you open up communication between you two?

We coached each other on how to “talk” to the other couples and give insight on how dating and seduction work from the opposite sex’s point of view, which was really fun to learn about. We made a point to discuss safety and comfort and working as a team. So if one person started feeling nervous, uncomfortable, or left out, the other partner would come to their aid above all else. Part of the communication too is recognizing and understandings each other’s non-verbal cues.

What is one of the most unexpected things you’ve encountered while swinging?

Boundaries are never set in stone. In fact, couples first starting out should expect the unexpected. For instance, when you’re in the middle of playing, it’s important that communication with your partner never stops. So, if you don’t like something, don’t be afraid of speaking up. Also, every experience is always going to be different. Don’t expect the same experience twice.

In addition, people in the swinging community can sometimes be a little flaky. We don’t mean this in a negative way. But there have been times when we are all set to go and all of a sudden someone’s mood changes. This,  of course, is par for the course. Getting everyone on the same wavelength can be challenging.

How do you prepare for a night of swinging?

Anticipation is all part of the fun. Part of the appeal for us is the presentation—what to bring and what to wear. We love getting dressed up for the occasion and picking out which sex toys will accompany us. Being well-prepared for a night of fun is important too. We typically pack an overnight case full of goodies and sex toys. And Lube—-don’t forget the lube!

How did it go? Was it everything you expected?

The first time wasn’t exactly what we expected. We had a preconceived notion that things would progress naturally. At first, you feel a little awkward, and then someone breaks the ice—be it a joke or making the first move or talking about a sex toy. What it really boils down to is having the right chemistry and not taking thing’s so serious.
Swinging Lessons: Advice from Experienced Swingers

Would you do it again? Have there been any repercussions from trying it?

Swinging is not for everyone. Some people try it a few times and call it quits, while others continue thriving in the lifestyle. You really have to participate at your own pace. One of the biggest challenges facing most couples these days is insecurity and jealousy. These types of negative emotions are naturally occurring in every relationship. But when you’re part of the swinging community, the emotions like jealousy can become amplified in unexpected ways. But if you and your partner can work through the uncomfortable moments, swinging can be rather rewarding. We would absolutely do it again; as it has created a closer bond between me and my partner.

Any advice for those wanting to try it?

First and foremost, do not use swinging as a manipulative tactic for cheating on your partner. Swinging is a cooperative expression between consenting adults and should never be used for hurting another person. There are different types of swinging groups such as soft swap to full swap groups to those who only want kink to those who simply enjoy watching. Swinging is not always about having sex and is a great way of getting to know yourself and your partner on a totally different sexual level. Do your research together and find what resonates with you both. Having a strong foundation in your relationship is vital even before talking about swinging. If you can’t share everything with your partner and feel like you have to hide things—then this type of expression may not be a good fit. However, most importantly—-this is about having fun and enjoying yourselves on an entirely new level.

We invite you to share your swinging experience or advice in the comments section below.