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Stress is definitely a sex life killer. First, it can inhibit arousal and orgasms. Second, it can keep you from being fully present with your partner. And third, stress can dampen the urge for feeling sexy at all. Plain and simple, stress sucks the fun out sexual relationships.

What should you do about stress?

When stress is at its highest, we forget the importance of connection, making out, and doing the deed. When the world seems to be crashing down around you, the last thing you might think about is languishing in your lover’s arms. But your lover’s arms just might be the antidote for clearing tension. In essence, sex is best for when you’re feeling stressed.

Fortunately, for us all, sex is a stress buster. It helps you relax and can encourage the production of lots of feel-good hormones. Plus, it’s good for your overall health.

Here are 4 Easy Steps Easing the Stress with Sex:

Start Slow

Your sex life can’t afford to remain in a disconnected, stressed-out state. Statistics show that stress can pull couples apart. Remedy the situation while cuddling with each other in bed. Sex does not need to be part of the agenda. In fact, the expectation of having sex can lead to more stress. Start the process of reconnecting slowly. Begin by closing your eyes and lightly stroking each other’s bodies. Stay there for a long time, just stroking and going to a quiet, almost meditative, place. Notice how the soft strokes and body heat melt away the stress, making you both feel more connected.

Attention to Sensations

Just like a hamster on a wheel, your mind will inevitably wander back to the stressful thoughts. The trick is to catch yourself before the wheel starts spinning out of control. Try focusing on the sensations of touch instead of getting frustrated. Close your eyes and center the mind as your partner’s fingers trace across the body. Pay close attention to the erogenous zones such as the nipples, neck, or inner thighs. You can use a warming massage oil for a more enhancing experience. Before you know it, the hamster in your head is napping and you can start stimulating yourself toward an orgasm.

Every Breath You Take

Your breathing pattern is a huge indicator on whether or not you’re feeling stressed. Shallow and heavy breathing is not good for your health in general. By changing your breathing patterns and taking deep, intensive breaths it can help get become more relaxed and calm. Start by taking deep, full breaths, inhaling fully through your nose. Release the air by exhaling through your mouth. Try doing this technique for ten counts and you’ll begin noticing how your body reacts with each sigh. Doing this exercise with your partner can lead to a stronger connection, getting you both in-sync.

Don’t Give Up

We live in a world of instant gratification and have the attention spans of a goldfish. It’s no wonder why we sometimes fail at having orgasms. If you are having issues with achieving arousal it could be because the stress has a grip on your body. All hope is not lost. Continue creating a relaxed mental state using the exercises that fit you best. All the soft touching and deep breathing can help the brain become more focused on the arousal process. Now, some of you may not succeed the first time around, and that’s okay. Give yourself the time to decompress at your own pace. Eventually, your body will catch up with the brain. Don’t hesitate to whip out some sex toys for some added inspiration.

Alternative Stress Buster

If these exercises are just not working, you just might need a good spanking! Seriously. Sometimes the opposite of what’s intuitive is all it takes. A little tie down session may just zap away the stress. Go ahead and shoot for something different by getting out of your comfort zone. You never know—a spanking while being tied down and blindfolded may eliminate the obstacles and spark the desire once again.