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The key to negotiating better sex relies heavily on being authentic. When it comes to dating someone new, however; we’re on our best behavior, hoping our shiny new lover picks up on the subtle hints. Appear too demanding about your sexual desires and the newly minted relationship could end before it ever started.

Every physical relationship includes a ‘honeymoon’ phase. Once that’s over, breakups usually will happen over sexual compatibility. That’s why the first three months don’t count. One reason is because we base our ideas of sex on what’s in the media, or in movies, or past relationships. It’s very easy and very human, to assume our sexual needs will be granted once our partner becomes more available, or when we’ve made a serious commitment. But just because Burger King says you can have it your way, does not mean that goes for sexual relationships. 

Here’s are just a few ways negotiating better sex can feel less like buying a car and more about discovering a hidden treasure. 

Set the Tone

Negotiating for anything can be intellectually and emotionally taxing. It’s fair to say when discussing anything, especially your sex life, it’s better when you’re in a good head space. Because sex is a tricky subject, you will want to be prepared for unexpected emotional reactions your partner may have, and meet it with a smile and acknowledgment.

Show Some Respect

Make negotiating better sex mutually beneficial by blocking the urge to argue. Instead of taking everything personally, use your intelligence and make constructive changes with focused and intent listening. When your partner is feeling heard, they will be willing to participate in new adventures.

Fantasy versus Reality of Negotiating Better Sex

We all have certain expectations when it comes to having a satisfying sex life. But sometimes our partner will fall short of those expectations. Yeah, it was great getting 3 blowjobs a day, but as time goes by, it may no longer be feasible. Adapt to the changes in your relationship by comparing the unrealistic with the doable.

Don’t Hold Back

If we don’t inform our partners of what we want, we don’t leave much room for negotiating better sex. A good number of couples will keep some sexual secrets under lock and key, while others tragically hide them their entire lives. It is entirely possible in making your needs and desires known by prioritizing what you can and cannot live without. Make things as clean as possible by offering how it will make you feel in the long run.

Set Clear Limits

Compromising is common in all relationships. The reality is our partners don’t owe us anything when it comes to having sex. What we do owe, to ourselves and each other, is trust, communication, honesty, mutual respect, and acceptance. Be willing and carry your own weight by setting clear limits. This will ultimately lead to a greater love and understanding in all relationships.

Love Thyself

We all have hungry times and dry spells. While we can work with our partner in making sexy time both manageable and enjoyable, it is not healthy for anyone to have sex when they don’t want to. Having sex solely for the purpose of making someone happy will eventually lead to disaster. You can start by taking matters into your own hands during dry spells. Neither you or your partner have the right to demand sex solely because you want it in the here and now.

Use Your Head

It’s easy to be distracted by “ultimate secret in sex tips,” or salacious Cosmopolitan headlines which are created to sell more magazine copies than offer practical and sound advice. The best sex tip anyone can give is understanding you first, and then your partner. By accepting both as they are, and by talking with your partner, negotiating better sex can become a normal part of your daily routine. If we are evaluating and discussing our sexual selves daily with sincerity, not only will we find greater sexual satisfaction, we will develop skills for communication, negotiation, and self-realization that positively affects every part of your life.

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