You love getting blow jobs but your partner doesn’t like giving them. How do you bridge that gap so you get what you want without your partner feeling pressured or harassed?
Stop demanding and start seducing. Your goal shouldn’t be to “get her” to go down on you. It should be to get her to love it so she’ll see blow jobs as a way of satisfying her own sexual needs. You might get a short-term win by pressuring or guilting her into it but what’s the fun of a sexual act if you know your partner’s not into it? With just a little work on your part, you can attain every man’s dream: Endless blowjobs with partners that love giving them. Here’s how:
Overcome Her Objections With Meaningful Changes
Most women who don’t like oral sex (or feel ambivalent about it) have very specific objections. For example, one of the top complaints I hear from women who write into my sex advice column is cleanliness. “No way I’m going down on a guy who smells like swamp ass,” wrote one reader.
This is a perfect example of identifying an objection and making changes to suit her, not you. Unlike ovens, your penis is not self-cleaning. So get in the shower and soap up.
Choking is another common objection that women voice. If that’s the case you need to assure her that oral sex is going to be a gag-free experience. You can do that first by postponing your oral fantasies (“in for a penny, in for a POUND!”) and making sure your penis doesn’t go into her mouth more than an inch or two.
Being physically uncomfortable is yet another common complaint. So check out the Liberator Hipster. It’ll help relax her neck so she can go longer without getting sore.
Get Her To Like Your Johnson More
The more she likes your erect penis the more willing she’ll be to go down there. How do you get her to like it more? When a focus group of over 100 women were asked what they found attractive in a penis the “appearance of pubic hair” came in as the second most important feature. So, trim your pubes. The cucumber always looks better rising out of a shaved salad!
Make Her Feel Submissive AND Dominant
Pay more attention to the pleasure she should be feeling. Yes, she’s the one giving but you want her to be turned on by the experience. She should feel the exhilarating feeling of being “owned” by your masculinity as well as the experience of having complete control of it.
Don’t just lay there like a crash test dummy that had a big helping of a wall. Stand, sit, put her in different positions. They’ll all give her different sensations.
Concentrate On HER Pleasure
Ask yourself, “How can I make this feel better for her? What can I do that will turn her on more?” The more pleasure she gets out of pleasuring you the more pleasure she’ll deliver.
Make Some Noise
Grunt, moan, gasp, breathe heavier—flail like a deer trapped in a minivan. Your excitement will excite her and keep things moving.
Look Into Her Eyes
The more connected you make her feel the more pleasure she’ll feel. Make eye contact frequently. If you’re not in a position where you can do that, MOVE.
Make this Valentine’s Day the day your sex life changed. Instead of begging, demanding or guilting your partner into giving you oral, show her how and why it can be nearly as satisfying for her as it is for you. Do that by becoming her idea of a great lover, not yours. Identify her objections, overcome them in a meaningful way and prioritize her pleasure. If you do this right, February 14th will become a date to remember.
Get to Know Michael Alvear
Michael Alvear is the author of Blow Yourself Away: Turn Blowjobs Into A Mind-Blowing Experience For Yourself.
Michael Alvear co-hosted HBO’s Sex Inspectors, the first sex makeover series on television. He’s been a frequent contributor to National Public Radio’s All Things Considered, and his work has appeared in The Washington Post, The New York Times, and The Los Angeles Times. He writes an occasional sex advice column for the Huffington Post.