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We are celebrating Anal April with Q&A from renowned sexpert and b-Vibe creator, Alicia Sinclair. Take a look at everything you need to know about having pleasurable anal sex.


Hello, Alicia!

I’m trying to restart anal play with my wife. We’ve only done it a few times since getting married. I don’t think we did it right because there wasn’t much lube involved. She does not seem too keen reopening the back door after having 2 children. I just want to make sure she is enjoying anal too. What do you suggest?

You are absolutely correct—no lube means no fun. Lubrication is your best friend for anal play because unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. The right lubricant can make anal play feel amazing. With so many different varieties of lube to choose from, it can be a bit overwhelming.

Thicker Lube is Better

Look for a lubricant that has a gel consistency, rather than the thinner liquids that are often preferred for vaginas. Unlike the vagina, the anus isn’t self-lubricating, so you basically want to buy a lube that’s thicker to last longer and going to create a better friction barrier.

Lubricant Ingredients

There are a few types of lubricant available: water-based lubricants, silicone-based lubricants, hybrid lubricants, and oils. Most of them come in a variety of consistencies. Find out which lube ingredient is best suited for your needs.

  • Water-based lube works well in almost any situation. It doesn’t damage toys, is easy to clean and rinse away. Water based lube has a high absorption rate. So, you may have to reapply during anal sex.
  • Silicone-based lubes never dry out, making it an excellent choice for anal play. They do, however; require soap and water during clean-up and can be slippery if left on tile or wood flooring. Silicone lubes are not friendly toward certain sex toys. We don’t recommend using silicone lubricant with any b-Vibe sex toys.
  • Hybrid lubricant is a blend of water and silicone. They give you the best of both worlds: long-lasting and easy to clean. They’re definitely worth trying with most being safe to use with other silicone based sex toys.
  • Oils such as coconut or almond oil are excellent during anal play. However, do not use while wearing latex condoms. Oils will make condoms break in about 30 seconds, so if you use them, be sure to go with a different option. Note that using an oil-based lubricant with a silicone sex toy will change the texture of the item and it will become “slick.”
  • Mineral oil and vaseline are a no-no! Avoid products with scents or dyes. The anus is sensitive to ingredients and scented or dyed products can cause irritation or pain.

Key to Unlocking Her Backdoor

If you’d like reopening the possibility of playing with your wife’s backdoor, you must ensure the experience is pleasurable for her. Many women feel pressured into having anal sex and oftentimes their first experience was not pleasurable. I suggest communicating with your partner prior to knocking at her backdoor. Or perhaps try using the b-Vibe Novice Butt Plug. This toy is a great introduction to anal play and can really help get your partner sexually charged.

Empower yourself with education and make sure you focus on HER pleasure. If anal play is something she loves, then she’ll certainly be back for me.