We are celebrating Anal April with Q&A from renowned sexpert and b-Vibe creator, Alicia Sinclair. Take a look at everything you need to know about having pleasurable anal sex.
So my story is not different than probably many you have heard. I would love having anal sex with my beautiful wife but she just isn’t sure. To be honest, I am a bit nervous too. I do not want to scare or hurt her at all. We have played a little bit with a beaded anal dildo but she is still not ready. I won’t force it but the two times we have used it, it was amazing for both of us. I will admit I enjoy when she uses it on me.
It is an amazing sensation and I love it. I worry about telling her how much I enjoy it because she has kind of freaked out after saying I liked it. When I did use it on her it was epic for both of us.
She is my world. I do not want to scare her or force anything but I can stop thinking about it. I admit to thinking about her using a strap-on on me also. I bought her one and that didn’t go over so well either. Let’s face it, as a guy we don’t always think about what we are doing and just do it. I would love for both of us to have the joy of it. I know the few times she has used a finger or plug on me or the two times she has allowed me to use it on her has been beautiful. She has mentioned a few times of me liking ass play too much which makes me nervous.
We’ve both crossed the 50-year mark and our sex life is better than ever. I feel very fortunate in saying that as so many of our friends seem settled into just being with each other but not truly together. We text naughty things to each other throughout the day and I send pictures from the Liberator site to her all the time. We have about 7 pieces from the Chaise to the Jaz.
I guess the long and short of it is what’s next? Do I just let it go? I never ever want to force anything, that is just wrong. My dream is for us to be able to enjoy it. However, if it is something she just doesn’t want and I will honor that wish.
I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
On Your Way
It’s totally normal feeling nervous about something new. Geez, we all feel some anxiety when experiencing something for the first time- whether or not it’s sexual. I think it’s wonderful you are asking for advice. Education is one of the best ways in empowering partners to explore more anal play.
P Marks the Spot
Your question about anal play for yourself is great! A lot of men are curious about their own anal pleasure but are too afraid going there. First, I want to assure you that your body is filled with the capacity for experiencing immense pleasure. A male’s most pleasurable areas also include the sensitive nerve ending located at the entry of your bum and your prostate—which is considered the male G-spot. So, it’s no surprise you enjoy it.
Anal penetration is the most effective way to experiencing prostate stimulation for men. The prostate is called the “male G-spot” for a reason. Many of the techniques you may have tried for the G-spot also work with the prostate. Men who have tried prostate stimulation describe the sensation as being akin to the “start of an orgasm” but for much longer. Prostate orgasms often feel bigger, more robust, and more full-bodied than orgasms from just straight penis stimulation.
Communicating with Your Lady
Thinking outside the box can be difficult for a lot of people, especially when it comes to men receiving anal pleasure. The most common question I get during my sex seminars is “My man likes anal play. Is he gay?” Although it may seem like a pretty silly question, it’s not surprising why people make this false assumption. The truth is whoever a person is attracted to has nothing to do with what feels pleasurable in their body.
So, now let’s discuss your wife’s response to you enjoying anal play for yourself. Her discomfort is most likely grounded in our society’s high expectations of what it means to be masculine and feminine. Men are told from an early age that anything feminine, submissive or gay means that they aren’t “real men.” It does not help anyone when the media keeps reinforcing these types of gender comparisons. You’re doing the right thing in not pressuring your wife into anal play. But maybe, you’re not really communicating how it makes feels when being done on you.
Hopefully, these points will give you the confidence in sharing more anal play techniques with your wife.