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The holidays can take a toll on our health and relationships.  According to a recent study by PornHub, “world events have a huge impact on whether or not the population is accessing its website, and thereby masturbating.” In the United States alone, the number of people who were self-pleasuring was down 29% on Thanksgiving of in recent years. Even worse, the statistics indicate that across the globe, self-pleasuring was down by 22% on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and whopping 28% on New Year’s Eve. It’s no wonder tensions run so high during the season of giving.

With that said, we understand that it can be difficult to have “alone time” with family and friends gathered around the table or tree. This downward trend in appalling and it’s our mission to bump the numbers this year. After all, masturbation has been proven to boost the immune system, which is essential during the cold and flu season, and it helps fights off seasonal depressive disorder, which is at an all-time high during the holidays. Then if you factor in the obvious mood-boosting qualities of orgasms, it’s clear that not partaking is truly putting your health, not to mention your holiday fun, at risk.

To help inspire some covert moments of pleasure, we’ve compiled a list of discreet toys that are quick and easy to disguise from prying eyes. Choose your favorite, fight the tryptophan coma, and find a quiet room to take fifteen minutes for yourself during these holiday celebrations. Your post-climax positive attitude will make this holiday really merry and bright!

Ohmibod Club Vibe 3.0H

If you are worried about your handbag falling open and your nosey nephew poking around your stuff, the JimmyJane Form 1 Panty Vibe is the way to go. Not only does this petite pleaser pack a punch, you can keep securely tucked in the one place that no one will be none the wiser.


Diogol Anni Round Funky Metal Anal Plug

May not be alone but can still have fun. Although the light-reflecting crystal may be so beautiful you will want to show it off, you can keep this baby a secret. If anyone asks, just tell them you particularly like the stuffing this year.

Jimmyjane Form 2 Clitoral Vibrator

Make your shower time more meaningful with this mighty miniature. The Form 2 is so strong that you may end up taking a few showers a day—your family will just assume you are really smelly, but you’ll be too blissed out to care.

Womanizer Starlet

The neighbors will be over in 15 minutes and all the prep work is done. What is the fastest way to de-stress and get into party mode? The Womanizer will have you playing the ultimate host in no time. Your guests would thank you—if they only knew.

LELO Siri 2

You know when your elderly uncle starts talking about the good old days again, and you’ve heard the stories a million times? Well, there’s a toy for that. The Siri responds to voices and music, so you can finally pay Uncle Chatty the rapt attention he requires.

Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage Masturbation Sleeve

For the men, the best choice is the Fleshlight Quickshot. Petite and easy to hide, this silicone masturbation sleeve offers quick clean-up and undeniable pleasure with a delightful internal texture. Plus, if you can convince your partner to escape for a few minutes, it makes for a sensational blowjob.

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