Breaking up is hard to do, especially when sex toys are involved. Couples bicker over the most insane stuff, but sex toys can end up being a sticky wicket that can turn even the most amicable people into vengeful little animals. Case in point—I broke up with a guy many years ago. When it came time for divvying up the sex toys, he started haggling over a pair of 6-inch black stiletto heels and a butterfly panty-vibe. He went so far as to hide them when the moving truck arrived. With emotions running high, we ended up in a physical altercation in front of the neighbors and the moving truck guys. The entire episode seems so comical now, but it was not funny then.
Men and women with a few long-term relationships under their belt are likely to have sizable sex toy collections. Most of these sex toys are expensive and have a high resale value which makes parting with them even more difficult. With all the time, energy, and money spent acquiring sex toys, it seems outrageous to start all over again.
So how do you handle the sex toys after breaking up? Here are a few suggestions for keeping the peace and holding onto your favorite butt plug.
All’s Not Fair in Love and War
Sex toys aren’t cheap. They are an investment in pleasure and sometimes relationships. If you’re the primary purchaser of sex toys, I suggest holding onto the receipts. That way you can prove you’re the rightful owner of those sex toys, especially if you end up in front of a judge.
Make a List
If I knew then what I know now, I would have drafted a simple inventory list of the sex toys pre-relationship. Keeping a running tally of your sex toys ensures there are no misunderstandings when the break up happens. Be as descriptive as possible and jot down dates and times of when and where the purchases happened.
Not Like Any Diamond
Like the old adage goes, relationships end but sex toys are forever. However, make sure your sex toy is worth the fight. I recommend discussing thing’s like an adult before your emotions turn everything into a cluster-fuck. Present your case calmly and make it a win-win situation.
Partners are great for two things—dancing and fucking. Not mixing bank accounts or co-mingling sex toys! Delegate a special piece of furniture or drawer just for your intimate belongings. Sure they can play together, but when the fun is done, wash them off and store in a special place.
Break Up Insurance
LELO had one of the best PR campaigns with the launch of their 24 kt. gold Tiani. The massager came with an engraved with an ID number and a guaranteed ‘do over.’ If the toy lasted longer than the relationship, the owner could exchange the Tiani for something else.
Waste Not Want Not
We’re not all lucky sex toy bloggers! Sex toys, like toasters, are purely functional. They are designed for sharing while providing orgasmic pleasure and not a sentimental souvenir. It is perfectly fine to carry your sex toys from one relationship to the next. So, stop feeling guilty about sloppy seconds and move on to greener pastures.
Know When to Fold Em’
Why was I so forceful about holding onto those cheap, old stilettos? After many years, I slowly realized it was jealousy. Some strange woman was going to be wearing those shoes in bed with him. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. Examine your motives for keeping certain sex toys. And if it’s jealousy or insecurity, it’s best to just walk away before the cops show up—true story!