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There never seems to be enough time in the day, especially this time of year. Everything is out of balance. Personal needs are shoved aside for more “important” things. I crave some self-love time. But where does it all fit?

Perhaps your typical day looks a lot like mine. Get up at the crack of dawn, run my son up and off to school, then WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK like a mad woman, pick my son up from school, get dinner ready, try to squeeze in more work while watching my son, fixing dinner, and straightening up the house. Add on top of that holiday stresses of planning a huge meal that feeds 12 and shopping for the ultimate Christmas presents and I am passed out in my bed by 9 at night.

I’m living a really FULL life.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining about my wonderful job or my loving family. It’s just hard to find time for self-love, let alone enough time for sex with my partner. How can you fit in being a sexually empowered person when so much of your time is dedicated to other areas of your life? You may feel like you are neglecting some other aspect of your life when you take time out for yourself. Even something as banal as a pile of laundry can make us feel like we are heading down a slippery slope towards chaos.

Sex is essential to a healthy relationship—with your partner and with yourself. You are never wasting your precious time when you masturbate or have sex. Not only does it keep you healthy and helps you sleep, it reduces stress so that you can handle the rest of your life with a little more vigor and less worry. And when you share that with your partner, the connection you have in the bedroom will help strengthen you outside of it.

So HOW can you find time this holiday for a little Self-Love TIME?


Just like a business meeting that you put into your calendar, scheduling sexy time can help you stick to your commitments. This can be self-love time or time with a partner. Even if you only have a few minutes for yourself, make them count. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm in a short amount of time, try a toy like the Womanizer. This toy is great for maxing out the minutes you do have.


When scheduling self-love time, find moments when you’re not feeling exhausted. My partner and I are both wiped out at the end of the day. So, we schedule morning time together. Sometimes we get a sitter and have before-dinner intimacy. Just don’t put it off until the end of the day because that is how you end up missing your moment.


Make your self-love time or partnered-pleasure time something to look forward to rather than something you have to do. If you think of it as another chore on your to-do list, you will put it off for something else you have to do. Instead, find something unique to do everyone once and a while to keep yourself interested. Buy a new toy, give or receive a massage, or read a sexy book which helps bring fresh ideas to your sexual life.


The hardest part of going from a busy work day or playing with your kids is having to alter your mindset completely in order to kick-start your libido. Without the drive, you won’t engage, and that’s the quickest way to send your sex life to its grave. Even if you don’t FEEL like it, you can get things going with a few simple techniques. Do a little yoga, a little deep breathing or take a hot bath and get recentered back into your body.

I also think that beginning is the best way to get going. Relax on your bed, with or without your partner, and begin slowly touching yourself. I guarantee you never regret the self-love time you spend on yourself, only the times you missed out on experiencing that connection.


Sex doesn’t always have to be an elaborate event with candles and dinner. Sometimes it is fun to get down and dirty with just a few minutes to spare. Quickies can happen anywhere and at any time, which is what makes them so fun. Invite your partner to join you in the shower, or pull them into a closet while Sesame Street in on. The smiles you share afterward will make it all worthwhile.

These are just a few suggestions for how you can start creating self-love time and the space for an enjoyable quantity of sexual connection. Believe me, if I can do it with my schedule so can you!