When’s the last time you used sex as a way to connect rather than just get your rocks off? If you’ve been seeing someone for a hot minute, then the answer is likely, “uh….”. In this era of casual sex (which I’m totally here for, BTW), it’s easy to forget that fornicating can stimulate your mind and emotions in addition to your genitals. There’s nothing wrong with a quickie between chores, but it hardly gets your heart fluttering.
It’s high time sex gets a makeover, even if it is only for one night or once in a while. So get in touch with your tender side cause I’m about to show you how to make love instead of fucking.
Set the Scene
In long-term relationships, it's easy to accidentally let the romance slip out of your rooms, especially when cohabitating with your lover. They’ve already seen your space in a state of disarray (and may even have contributed to it), so why bother doing a deep clean? I’ll tell you why, damnit! Ambiance sets the tone of a sexual encounter from the get-go. Not only that but doing the bare minimum in terms of prep doesn’t exactly scream, “I’ve been thinking about you.” If you want to make your sex session extra special, you’ll need to put in the housework. Be sure to tidy up your space and leave it clutter-free; nothing ruins the mood faster than tripping over dirty dishes on your way to the bed. I’m not saying you need to sprinkle rose petals on your duvet (though it might not hurt), but you shouldn’t leave your laundry on the floor, either.
For those who do want to go the extra mile, there are ways to enhance the romance in your space without being a total cliche. Small environmental adjustments can make a significant impact in creating an amorous atmosphere. Try lighting incense or scented candles for a calming scent that wafts through the air as you touch each other tenderly (just make sure they aren’t in the line of fire, so to speak). Even placing a neatly folded waterproof throw on the bed will make your room seem cozier (and protect your sheets from sticky fluids). And of course, make sure all the items you’ll need are within reach and displayed in an organized fashion, so you don’t have to rummage through your bedside table in the heat of the moment.
Linger on Light Touches
Foreplay is to fucking as a fancy meal is to a marriage proposal; you can accomplish your task without it, but you’ll get a much more enthusiastic response with it. But honestly, if I have to lecture you on the importance of foreplay, then you’re a lost cause. The key to more romance in the sack lies not within regular foreplay but in foreplay foreplay.
I know what you’re thinking, and no, my keyboard didn’t just malfunction. Foreplay foreplay, or foreplay², is all the touching you do with a partner before you get to heavier stuff like fingerbanging and blowjobs. It’s grabbing and holding someone’s thigh on the car ride home. It’s fingers running lazy circles over collarbones. It’s gently blowing on someone’s ear after whispering into it. Put simply, foreplay² refers to all the small touches and actions that take place before it’s obvious to both parties that they’re about to be boning.
The trick to implementing foreplay foreplay is to perform physical acts that aren’t sexual but definitely hint at sex. This concept is so erotic because it leaves you wondering what’s to come (or who) and if it even will come. Building anticipation almost always leads to fireworks later. And though it’s unrealistic to think that sex will be fireworks every time, shouldn’t it be fireworks sometimes?
Get in Position
Once you’ve romanced the pants off your honey, you should pick a position that matches the mood you’ve set up, so you might want to hold off on hair pulling during doggy style. Try out these positions instead during your romantic romp:
Tug Boat Captain
The Why: Sex on your side is inherently intimate as it recreates the warmth and closeness of spooning and turns it carnal. The Tug Boat Captain makes side sex comfier, and therefore more sustainable, by eliminating knee pain that typically accompanies spooning positions. This variation of side sex also provides the receiver with external stimulation without them or their partner applying it manually.
The How: Place the Whirl between the receiver’s legs and in front of their genitals and have them grind against the pillow for delicious stimulation. The giver should hold onto the Whirl and use it for leverage in producing powerful thrusts of passion.
Heart's Desire
The Why: Heart’s Desire allows you to gaze deeply at your lover like you would during missionary, without the boredom of being in the classic position. It also places the pelvis at an angle for penetration that’s even deeper than your emotional connection.
The How: While laying on their back, place the Heart Wedge under the receiver’s lower back, hips, and buttocks so that their holes are elevated. Have the giver kneel slightly behind the Heart Wedge and use their extended arms to support their body weight. The receiver should lift their legs to create a tighter fit while the giver delivers strong, slow thrusts.
The Not-So-Secret Garden
The Why: I’m hard-pressed to think of something more intimate than having your lips on someone’s folds. The Not-So-Secret Garden makes cunnilingus even sweeter for both parties by granting the giver easy access (and mitigating neck pain) and the receiver a comfy spot to lay back and enjoy it.
The How: Have the receiver lie down on the Wedge/Ramp Combo, with the very bottom of their bottom situated on the Ramp’s apex. Place the Wedge at the beginning of the Ramp’s incline as a headrest and adjust its placement based on the receiver’s height. The receiver will then kneel in front of the Wedge/Ramp Combo and go to town on their favorite 5-star meal.
Implement Aftercare
Aftercare is a practice commonly used in the BDSM community that refers to a specific set of actions taken once a sexual encounter ends. This can mean anything from rehydrating with a glass of water to cuddling and mushy pillow talk. While the purpose is generally to get grounded, support physical wellbeing, and supply comfort by reassuring both parties how much they care about each other after a rough sex scene, there’s more to gain from aftercare than recovering from S&M.
There’s no need to break out the whips and chains to carry out and benefit from aftercare. Adopt this typically kink-related after-sex ritual by extending your time in bed before you hit the shower and make it your new bonding activity. Take turns giving sensual massages or simply snuggle your sweetheart and whisper sweet nothings in their ear if you’re all wiped out from your vigorous passion play. Just make sure you don’t kill the cuddle mood by arguing about who has to lay in the wet spot (and if you take advantage of the tips in this blog, it will be a BIG one), or avoid the wet spot debacle all-together with a conveniently washable sex throw.
You don’t even have to be fucking someone special to make it special. Putting in extra effort and making the most of whatever your connection is can lead to seriously steamy results. Try embracing a gentle state of mind the next time blood rushes down south, and you’ll find that visiting Pound Town (unfortunately not found on Google Maps) is even more pleasant when you put your heart into it.
