While swinging may not be frequently talked about outside of those in the lifestyle, the practice has been around for decades and is far more commonplace than more sexually traditional folk might imagine. In nearly every major city throughout the United States, there are swinger clubs that cater to lifestylers with their provision of a secure, interactive space filled with like-minded couples and individuals looking for community and shared playtime.
If you and your lover are more than curious and ready to embark on a journey into the swinger lifestyle, our mini introduction to swinging with helpful tips for first-time swingers will help you prepare to navigate through the untold adventures and excitement of swinging.
Introduction To Swinging: What Is “The Lifestyle”?
In a nutshell, “the lifestyle” is a codeword of sorts that references sexual communities outside the vanilla realm, more specifically swinging and BDSM. Though the term may sound overwhelming to newcomers, it doesn’t necessarily mean that swinging (or BDSM, for that matter) is the core focus of your life, just that you’re a practitioner. Many swingers value discretion in their sexual activities; the phrase “the lifestyle” is a simple, covert way for those in the community to connect and speak about their interest in swinging.
Tips For First-Time Swingers
As with most new adventures, the biggest obstacle or concern for first-time swingers is the uncertainty of what should be expected and how couples (or individuals) should behave. As with any community, the swinging lifestyle does come with a few unspoken rules of etiquette and basic guidelines that should be followed by lovers hoping to trip the light fantastic.
Leave Your Baggage at the Door
The very best way to enter into the world of swinging is with all your baggage checked and carefully stowed away. Where swinging differs from cheating is that playtime with those outside of your relationship is agreed-upon by all parties, with strays from monogamy having no relation to dissatisfaction in your relationship.
While many couples might love to talk or even wax philosophic and poetic during a rousing round of reverse cowgirl, it’s wise (and pleasurable!) to leave that level of connectivity at home with your life partner. Lifestyle interactions decentralize the necessity for intimacy and strong connections, shifting the tone toward pure erotic experience instead.
Focus On Your Relationship
Swinging and polyamory are entirely different practices. What swingers seek from the lifestyle isn’t additional romantic partners but more people to explore sexually. As such, you’ll need to communicate openly and frequently with your significant other to establish clear boundaries and keep reminding each other that you are each other’s #1 priority.
The importance of clear communication and adherence to preset boundaries in the swinging lifestyle cannot be over-stressed. If you value and want to protect your committed relationship, no sexual experimentation (or “rule-breaking”) should be held above your partner’s wishes.
Few things are more reassuring than recognizing that your loved one continuously chooses you over any number of people equipped to meet their physical needs but not permitted to meet their more significant and empowering emotional needs. In fact, such focus combined with sexual exploration involving others can be extremely edifying for already strong relationships.
Avoid Couples Who Seem to Have Relationship Problems
While recognizing the value of your romantic relationship is an excellent step toward protecting yourself and your loved one from unnecessarily hurt feelings and confusion, another good rule of thumb is to avoid swingers whose personal relationships seem problematic. Couples who reference their problems in bed, tend to put each other down, or seem out-of-touch with each other’s feelings will not make good playmates for those who want to protect their own relationship. In fact, swingers who seem deeply unhappy in their romantic situations are likely to yearn not truly for swinging but for a way to escape each other. This unhealthy mindset can be dangerous for the positive, friendly community that genuine lifestylers seek to foster.
Be Respectfully Discreet
For some, having their kinks known by all is no big deal, but this isn’t the case for most individuals. Many swingers require secrecy regarding their lifestyle to maintain other social relationships and workplace ones, too. Within any lifestyle or group, those who demonstrate a healthy sense of discretion and respect for individuals’ personal boundaries will be well-received and appreciated by their community. Having a reputation as being trustworthy allows for building and strengthening relationships with like-minded peers and sets the tone for positive interactions within their community.
That said, the anonymity and secrecy one affords their swinger community shouldn’t necessarily extend to conversations with their primary lover. Exercising respectful discretion needn’t create a barrier between you and your partner. Whatever occurs within your sexual circle should be up for discussion with your life partner. To be clear, your significant other is the one person entitled to know every little detail about your swinging lifestyle.
Many swingers find that open communication regarding various adventures harbors increased trust and intimacy between the core couples as they share their experiences and discoveries with each other. Meanwhile, who doesn’t enjoy hearing sexy stories? Chances are good that your devoted partner will be aroused to imagine or even witness your sensual indulgences with others.
Set And Respect Boundaries
Setting and respecting boundaries regarding swinging is crucial not only within your relationship with your partner but also within your community relationships. Being upfront regarding your personal boundaries and limitations is a great way to help others in the lifestyle appropriately interact with you. Each couple submitting to the lifestyle should establish personal goals and objectives in order to derive the most pleasure and foster the greatest sense of security within their own relationship. Likewise, you should have frank discussions with your swinging peers regarding their boundaries so you can return the same respect.
It has been said quite often, “Swinging is not for the faint of heart.” Though navigating the swinging lifestyle isn’t without its challenges, embarking on that journey with good communication, trust, and respect within the confines of your partnership and community goes a long way in creating an avenue for smooth swinger sailing. When approached responsibly and with the aforementioned advice in mind, couples who enter the heady world of swinging can find that the lifestyle brings optimal pleasure that strengthens their core relationship one adventure at a time.
