We are celebrating Anal April with Q&A from renowned sexpert and b-Vibe creator, Alicia Sinclair. Take a look at everything you need to know about having pleasurable anal sex.
My wife and I are anal play novices. Although she’s enjoyed things thus far, she is still apprehensive about actual penis penetration. Over the past year, I’ve taken the time for introducing new things. So far, I have used things from slim toys to my fingers up to my thumb. I’ve come to grips with the fact that my wife has a small anus and may never be able to penetrate her with my average sized penis. She does enjoy using sex toys and has an interest in trying tapered vibrating toys. The sex toys I’ve seen so far seem to be lacking in vibration throughout the entire toy’s length. What is your recommendation on? Any additional advice is great as well.
I am so happy hearing that you’ve taken the time to slowly introduce your fingers and small toys. That’s a great start. You are totally doing it right, especially if she is enjoying it! It’s possible that anal penetration may never be in the cards for you. But that does not mean you can’t both enjoy anal play. Before giving up, however; may I suggest a few exercises that can help you both progress toward having actual penetrative anal sex. Here’s a road map that may help lead to you both to penetration, of course, when and if your wife is ready.
You can start off with some external massage moves, which could potentially prepare your partner for anal penetration. Massaging your partner’s anus is a great way of making them feel relaxed. Contrary to what you may have seen in porn, don’t just stick your finger inside. There are some more pleasurable and effective ways to do it. Get some more lubricant on your finger, all the way down to the base before you begin anal penetration. Keep the bottle nearby, for when you need some more. And make sure they’re taking slow, deep breaths because that helps the muscles relax. Do it with them to encourage them.
Place your finger over their anus, as if you were doing the external stroking move. Slide your finger along the anus until your fingertip is over the opening. Bend your fingertip, so that it catches on the internal border of the external anal muscle, and gently press your fingertip into the anal muscle.
As you move from one side to the other, don’t go deeper in immediately. Instead, slide in a tiny bit more every 2-3 times you change directions. By going slowly like that, you’ll make it much easier for your partner to open up.
When your finger is inside the external anal muscle, you’ll feel it as a ring around your fingertip. Don’t go further in than the first joint of your finger just yet. Helping the internal anal sphincter muscle relax is a bit different because it’s a different kind of muscle than the external one. The trick is helping the internal muscle open up is to give it a little tickle with your finger. The pressure and speed you want are the same as if you were tickling the tip of someone’s nose. Do that for 30-45 seconds. If the receiver’s body is ready for penetration, that’s all it will take. You’ll feel them open up and your finger will slide in.
Come back to external anal massage, having your partner take deep breaths, and try again in a few minutes.
It can be tempting to speed up at this point but hold off on that. You can still do a lot with a single finger. You can keep your finger stiff and press outward from the center of the anus to gently massage in different directions. As your partner begins relaxing, they might be ready for a second or even a third finger. Slowly slide the first one out, get some lubricant on both fingers, and then slide back in.
Use Plenty of Lube
If you feel your partner’s anus tighten down at any point, hold still and give them a moment to relax. If it keeps happening or if they can’t relax, that might be because you’re going too fast, you need more lubricant, or that they’ve reached their capacity. Anal play novices need time and patience for progress.
Recommended b-Vibe Toy
When it comes to introducing a powerful and vibrating anal toy, b-Vibe makes a fantastic set of tapered anal beads, called Triplet. It has two rumbling motors and the vibration is felt throughout the entire length of the toy. Plus, it comes with a remote control, which allows your wife overall control of sensations and experience. Or, if she so chooses, can hand you the remote. I also love b-vibe Triplet because of its progressively larger, tapered size beads which allow beginners to start slow. You can start off with the smallest bead, and then gradually work towards the medium and larger bead.
Most of all, empower yourself with as much information as possible and include her in your research. Before you know it, she may be open to having you use your penis for penetration…anal play novices graduating to explorers!