Greetings, bootyhole beginners and anal adventurers! Today, we embark on a journey into the phenomenal world of anal sex and everything BUTT, a territory that remains uncharted and mystifying for many. But before we dive in, let’s discuss the importance of addressing stigmas, trauma, guilt, shame, and, of course, most importantly, your deepest fantasies. It’s essential to establish boundaries and open up a dialogue with your partner, whether you’re a seasoned pro or just starting out. Fear not, for I shall be your Anal Shaman during Anal August, guiding you to the promised land of pure butt bliss.
Anal sex is definitely a daunting subject for many people. Talking candidly to your partner is essential for a great experience, whether you’re new or advanced. Most newbies are afraid of the potential for pain or embarrassment, while some people have trauma to consider. Remember this though — people wouldn’t do it if it didn’t involve phenomenal pleasure.
Past trauma can make anal sex seem terrifying. It takes time, patience, and a gentle exploration of your own body to find pleasure in solo anal contact. Then, once you have a trusted partner and good communication, you’ll be ready to learn how to enjoy it.
Social stigmas run deep, and men worry that anal play makes them gay, and women worry that it makes them slutty. Neither is true. Sexuality is a broad spectrum of experience and trying things does not define you. Opening up these kinds of conversions with your partner helps dispel the myths and misconceptions. You’re really likely to discover new kinks that bring you closer together. Keep an open mind and dialog as you explore.
Discussing your fantasies and boundaries is a great way to get excited about butt play. Are you comfortable with rimming? Digits around or in the butt? Toys? How about P-in-B? (Penis in Butt) Are you a germophobe? Do you want to use dental dams, finger cots, or condoms? It’s much easier to think about these factors in advance. FYI…I’ll talk more later in the article about prepping too.
Consent is SO SEXY
I look at anal sex as something you need to go into with enthusiasm and curiosity. This is no time for waffling. If you don’t have a willing, eager YES, it’s a no. If you aren’t excited about it or dread it, don’t do it. If your partner isn’t into it, do NOT nag or pressure them into it. You will create massive resentment that can damage your relationship. Accidental anal is NOT OKAY – it is assault, no matter how you spin it. I once knew a guy who “accidentally” slipped and got donkey-kicked across the bedroom. For reals.
Consent can be revoked or renegotiated at any time. This is true for any sexual act, but I view it as monumentally important for anal sex. Anal sex requires an exceptionally high level of trust for the recipient because it can cause lots of pain and lasting injury if done poorly. If you are on the receiving end, use the green light, yellow light, and red light concept to give updates about how you feel, and pick a safe word that you can easily remember (nothing makes someone stop in their tracks quite like yelling “BANANAAAA” at the top of your lungs). If you have a penis or strap-on, you must wield it responsibly and considerately! Pro-tip for the Tops: the more considerate and responsible you are, the more likely you are to have anal sex again.
Good grooming is awesome for any sexual encounter, and with anal, it’s imperative. On the giving end? You should always trim and file your nails. Long or chewed nails can have sharp edges that might hurt your partner’s boohole. Showering together beforehand can bring you closer, give you time for a soapy massage and make sure you’re both squeaky clean.
On the receiving end? Don’t bleach, shave or wax right before an anal session. Your butt has delicate tissues and that might irritate them. Guess what…bidets aren’t just for French kings anymore. They gained popularity during the TP shortages of 2020, and to be honest, they are game-changing. Your boohole will be clean as a whistle. If you want a deeper clean, Fleet Enemas are the most trusted brand. Just talk to your doctor first (does anyone actually do this?) and don’t do them more than once every few months. Healthy diets help too…think lots of fiber, veggies, and fruits. You want the plumbing to be in optimal condition.
Stocking Up on Anal Essentials
I’d recommend buying a few things before you shake a rump. Dental dams, finger cots, and condoms are ideal, especially for germaphobes. You’ll be better protected from bacteria during all kinds of contact. Pay special attention to the materials (like latex or non-latex) because you want them to be compatible with the lube you use. Latex breaks down when exposed to oil-based lubes. I prefer using non-latex condoms anyway since there’s less chance of a bad reaction (and at least, in my experience with my body, non-latex doesn’t lead to pH imbalances). Well-lubed condoms can reduce friction, which is highly desirable. You wanna slide & glide!
That brings me to the most essential item for anal — LUBE, LUBE, LUBE & MORE LUBE!!! Silicone and hybrids offer longer-lasting coverage and usually have a lovely, silky feel that really coats. Lube is vital because, unlike the vagina, the anus is NOT self-lubricating. Water-based lube absorbs into your anal tissues, and, honestly, it stings if you have any micro-tears. While it seems like a good idea, numbing lube is also not your friend. You could tear internally and not feel the pain. Plus, it takes away from pleasurable sensations.
Anal training kits from b-Vibe make prepping super easy. They come complete with an enema bulb, a lube applicator, a small silicone butt plug, a rechargeable vibrating butt plug, a large weighted butt plug, a convenient travel case, and a sex-educator-approved comprehensive guide with step-by-step advice. Once you graduate from the basics, you can even get their Masster’s Degree Edition! Just so you know, b-Vibe is the anal sex toy authority. They have the Anal Academy, which includes The Booty Blog, The Plug podcast, Encyclopedia Buttanica, Queries with Bobby Box, Butt Stuff Basics, and Seducing the Butt Workshops. I highly recommend visiting the academy and learning from the pleasure experts (certified sex educators, doctors, porn performers, etc). I’m merely a heterosexual female sex-obsessed writer offering basic guidelines (just the tip, so to speak), but b-Vibe can answer any and all of your anal questions. Everything BUTT!
Set the Stage
Get your sensual environment ready. Keep lube and condoms handy so you can re-up easily. Booty sex can be messy, so a washable, waterproof blanket protects your bedding or any surface. Our Fascinator throw makes clean-up a breeze and you can take it anywhere. (It’s also fantastic for squirters or messy blow jobs.) And the Fascinator Toy Pad is a great landing spot for your used toys until you can clean them off post-fun. Have a hand towel nearby too so you can wipe lube off your hands or spot-clean. Backdoor sex requires slightly different angles than PIV, so pull out sex positioning cushions or furniture for better anal angles (I’ve got a position guide below with lots of options!).
Start Your Engines
Revving up for anal is all about relaxation. Shower together, clean up, and rub all over each other. Use mildly heated lube, massage oil, or toys to get the blood flowing to your erogenous zones. Clitoral stimulation with a vibrating wand or clit stim toy really helps. One of my favorite subtle techniques is slowly working your way toward the anus with a soft booty massage. You want to tease and entice until your partner is begging for more stimulation and direct contact. Rimming is fantastic if you feel comfortable with it. Swirl your tongue around the ring without going deeper. (Most men are wild about rimming once someone licks their ass.) Next up, practice your fingerwork gently, starting with lightly touching around the rosebud, then progressing to inserting a fingertip. If that goes well, work your finger deeper. (For guys, you can stimulate the prostate with a come-hither motion.) Once you feel the anus loosen significantly, and you can get finger-deep, you know you’re ready for more.
Hold up…there are a couple more bouncers before you can enter Backstreet. Your anus has two sphincters…an outer sphincter that you have voluntary control over and an inner sphincter (about 1.5” inside your rectum) that you DO NOT control. Both must be relaxed in order to enjoy anal sex. So, anal foreplay should last at least 20 minutes or more to allow these muscular rings to fully relax. If the second sphincter isn’t, penetration might not feel good. Anal sex shouldn’t be painful. You are doing it wrong if it hurts!
Stay tuned for Nothing BUTT Pleasure: Celebrate Anal August where we get busy with the booty!