Break Out of A Sex Rut
I can’t believe I am writing to you. My husband is 51 and I am 45. We met 10 years ago and are on our second marriages. We have a healthy sex life. I have thoughts/desires of being more creative whereas he seems satisfied. I have broached the subject with “questionnaires” and his answers indicate he is not as adventurous as I may be. That is fine. However, I am very sexual. I love stimulation—clitoral, G-spot, vaginal. And I have been known to squirt. I know I am not young and “tight”. He is not hugely endowed and is pushed out if I begin to get too turned on. Like most women, I need foreplay but he does seem interested. He has no interest at all in oral sex. If I go down on him, he is quick to move me to “business”.
Our intimacy has become a ritual of him hinting he is in the mood. So, I place a vibrator between my legs, read erotica, while stroking him (while he watches tv). At times, I can encourage breast and nipple play. When I am sufficiently ‘on’, I put my book down, put the vibrator away and we get into one of a few positions. A few times I have been close to climaxing. But unable to finish as it would be too long or he gets pushed out. He generally finishes and I fake it. Afterward, I will use a vibrator to finish. He is aware and I tell him that he has me so worked up that I am multi-orgasmic. Even with a vibrator, I can have several orgasms before the night is done.
Then the ritual occurs the next night all over again. I love him so much. But I don’t know how to get out of this perpetual habit of doing the same thing every night.
Ways You Can Break Out Of A Sex Rut
Phew, that’s a lot to go on! I will say, though, getting older has advantages (such as wisdom) and disadvantage (it becomes harder to break out of a sex rut). What stands out the most in your question is the word “ritual.” Sounds to me that you both are stuck in a serious habit of doing it the same way every night. You remain silent, while he goes about his business, thinking that all is copasetic. A lot of the times those rituals eventually become a blueprint of your sex life. Kind of like “why fix it if it ain’t broken.” Of course, this is a common issue with most long-term married couples. It’s like you both know the end result. So, why change the formula?
Ready for Change
Sounds to me you are ready for a change but don’t know where to begin. All that pent up frustration is not good for you! So, how do you go about nudging him in the right direction without making him feel bad? To be honest, there is no easy answer. I think the most important aspect of any healthy sexual relationship is communication. However, the timing has to be spot-on. First off, talk about your feelings outside the bedroom. Research indicates that couples who regularly and openly talk about sex have a higher success rate at making changes in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to let him know how you are feeling.
More Than Once
Every couple is different when they need to break out of a sex rut. Some succeed with only one attempt while other’s have to try and try again. What works one day may not work the next. Do Not Give Up! Since your husband is not as adventurous, perhaps you can take the first step. What I love about your current status is that you are not afraid to use sex toys during foreplay. However, it sounds a bit one-sided. You could probably get his engine revved up using the Man Wand Guybrator. I love this sex toy because of its unisex features—meaning men and women can use it. This toy will certainly rock his world and hopefully get him to tune into your foreplay sessions. Make a commitment to explore and interject new things. Mutual masturbation is a great way of opening up dialogue in the bedroom too.
Break the Routine
What also caught my attention in your letter is that you’re having sex at night. After the kids are asleep and you’ve finished work for the day. Your husband may have grown accustomed to doing the deed just before he falls asleep. Why not change it up and have sex in the morning? You don’t have to spend hours playing around, but it may be a great way to jump-start your day. Plus, it will give him something to think about while he’s working. If you can do it, rent a room at a hotel and take time getting to know each other again.
Sounds to me that you really love your guy and enjoy the intimate time spent together. You don’t have to scrap everything in order to change and make things better. You can take charge by doing something simple. If he’s open to the idea–why not tie him down and sit on his face. Or better yet, blindfold him and rediscover his erogenous zones. Remind him and yourself what you found sex about each other. I get the feeling he’s waiting for the first step to be taken by you.
Wearable Sex Toys
Sex toys for couples have come a long way in ten years. One of my most favorite couples toys is the DAME EVA. This wearable clitoral vibe lets you enjoy extra stimulation during penetration. Really easy to use, the DAME has wings that gently tuck in between the labia and has a really powerful vibration. I do recommend a nice slow fuck when using this sex toy.