Asked by you, answered by Ava
Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.
Email your question to email@example.com. And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.
So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!
So my wife doesn’t want to “desensitize” her clit and doesn’t have a vibe but I want to surprise her. Any recommendations? BTW Orgasms are not a problem for her.
Let me just say, if sex toys desensitized your clit, my whole body would be numb by now. I got my first toy my freshman year of college and have never looked back. I’ve tried the big boys, like the Magic Wand, and the sweet and petite guys, like a bullet vibe. They each have their pluses and minuses, but I tend toward more powerful toys. Is this because I’m less sensitive?
I don’t think so; I think it’s just a matter of preference. Each woman is different, so the kind of touch she will like is very personal. Strong and fast or slow and soft—it doesn’t matter. The clit wants what the clit wants.
To set the record straight, there are no long-term effects from using a vibrator. I tend to think that it changes your expectations rather than sensations. A vibrator can feel more intense and work faster than your hand or mouth. After some time, you can grow to expect that level of sensation and that reaction from your body. If it takes longer or is not as intense as you have grown to expect, you can become frustrated and kill your mood entirely. This is not because you are desensitized. It’s because you are impatient for pleasure.
To counteract this, all it takes is to put the toy down every once and a while. After four months or so of using a toy, go a month without it. This will help you get reacquainted with what your body does without a motor on your clit. It sounds like your wife is just fine and dandy without one, so she should have no trouble putting it down and getting back to her roots, so to speak. The only thing she is losing out on is the fun of using a toy in the first place.
I find it easier using a toy during sex than my hand. With all the hustle and bustle, it’s easier to keep it in place while staying focused on the sensations. Another time it’s easier to use a sex toy is when going down on another person. Again, it removes the rubbing-your-belly-while-patting-your-head action of using your hand. So as long as you guys mix in some steamy oral sessions and devious digital manipulation, there should be no reason to not enjoy both.
So any toy will do a body good, but there are a few that don’t use pressure and grinding as a way to transmit vibrations. Instead, these wrap around the clitoris and suck, so you can relax without the worry of pounding your clit like a mortar and pestle.
The Womanizer is my current go-to vibe. It has a scooped out head which goes around the clitoris. It then uses something called PleasureAir to gently pull it upwards, creating a wave-like sensation. Um, yes, please! It is intense, and since your wife is currently a vibe virgin, start on the lowest setting and let the pleasure build naturally. On the highest setting, it can be quick to orgasm in a minute flat. Great if you’ve got to dine and dash.
If she doesn’t care for the toy itself, at least you have a little more information than you did last time with which to venture forth into the land of sexy adventures. If she seems hesitant, just ask her what she has to lose? Since she will not become an unfeeling sex toy monster, all that is left is to gain some fun escapades with you. Trying anything new, even if it is a bomb, will still bring you two closer and hopefully something to laugh about later. You never know it could be magical. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!3