From Pillow Talk to Passion: Communicating In and Out of the Bedroom

You’ve heard it a thousand times before: communication is key when it comes to relationships! It’s nothing new. We all understand, on some level, that in order to maintain a strong relationship, both parties require an understanding of the needs of one another.

Since human beings aren’t capable of mind-reading, the only way to facilitate this is by having open and honest conversations with each other about feelings, needs, and expectations. This is a lot harder to do than it sounds, and there are plenty of traps that are easy to fall into that’ll only end up throwing a wrench into your relationship.

Every couple has a different dynamic, and with that, comes different challenges. Some, you may run into (and work out!) right away. Other challenges take longer to rear their heads, but that doesn’t mean you’re moving backwards. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a couple that hasn’t run into any of these issues.

Financial stress, work-life balance, intimacy, and emotional baggage are just a few of the common issues that couples run into when discussing needs. The point of setting a foundation of strong, open and honest communication is to be able to address these challenges without friction when they inevitably happen.

Get to know one another’s communication styles: is your lover more direct and focused on problem-solving? Or are they emotional and need time to process thoughts and ideas? Does something in their past or the way they were raised impact the way they prefer to communicate?

These are questions that are important to consider and have answers to. Of course there are things we would rather not talk about. Nobody wants to feel confrontational, and it’s easy to feel like “the bad guy” for initiating a discussion. But poor communication is a slippery slope that leads to dissatisfaction and resentment.

When you feel as though you can’t be open and honest with your partner, you’re more likely to withhold your concerns and feelings, and bottle them up. Any future perceived transgressions pile up and pressure-cook inside you until an argument happens. Nobody wants to hear the dreaded, “and another thing!”

There are plenty of little ways to improve daily communication with a partner. Sharing interests, doing things together, showing affection (sexually or otherwise), and finding a few goals to work towards are just a couple of ways to start building a positive foundation.

Despite what Salt-N-Pepa may have you believe, talking about sex can be difficult for some people: and that’s okay! Society has historically stigmatized discussions about sex: there are plenty of cultural and religious taboos surrounding sexual desire, and both women and men have gendered expectations when it comes to intimacy.

So it’s no wonder that discussing sexual desires can be uncomfortable or awkward. But, it’s important to remember that everyone is different. No matter how experienced your partner may be, they can’t know exactly what makes you feel good - unless you tell them!

Set up a neutral time to discuss what you enjoy and don’t enjoy, how you like to be pleasured, et cetera. Make sure your partner knows ahead of time what the discussion will be about, and that it’s a two-way street. You want to hear about what makes them feel good, too. Ask questions, and don’t be afraid to suggest something new.

Using “I” statements and positive framing is a technique recommended by therapists for successful communication. Something like: “I really like when you… and I think it would be fun to try…” And if you aren’t sure how to begin this conversation, start by asking your partner what they like or if there’s anything they’d like to do more of, or anything they’d like to implement into your sex lives.

Feeling like you’re secure and able to communicate with your partner is a big boon when it comes to sex. Not only will you be having more satisfying sex once you and your partner are more clear about your turn-ons (and offs), but you’ll be deepening the emotional intimacy in your relationship.

You wouldn’t start painting a house with no paintbrush, and you wouldn’t change a tire without a jack. The same goes for intimacy and communication. There is a right tool for the job, or at least something that can start a conversation and get the ball rolling.

There are entire libraries full of books about couples’ communication and relationship advice, or you can try activities that will let you experience something together, like a couples’ massage, guided exercises, date planning, dancing nights, and traveling.

Of course, if you’re looking to spice it up in the bedroom and start a conversation in a way that will really get your partner’s attention, there is a world of possibilities just waiting for you. Couples’ toys are plentiful and popular: remote-controlled toys for a daring night out, vibrators meant to be worn during sex, plugs, fetish gear, and more.

Something like a Liberator pillow or chaise necessitates a conversation as well: How do we want to use this? What position do you like best? I want to get this for us, what do you think?

It shows you’re invested in keeping sex fun and fresh, and it’s a new journey that the two of you can take and explore together.

At the end of the day, a great relationship comes down to one thing: communication. Whether you’re figuring out weekend plans, talking about feelings, or spicing things up in the bedroom, being open and honest with your partner makes all the difference.

Here’s the fun part: it isn’t just about working through problems, either - it’s also how you keep things exciting! Learning new things about each other, trying something different in and out of the bedroom, and staying curious keeps the spark alive.

So, start that conversation, ask those questions, and don’t be afraid to get a little playful with it. After all, the best relationships are the ones where you never stop discovering each other.