What images do you think of when you read the word "bondage"?  When I asked this question to my Facebook followers, I got a wide variety of responses from dark dungeons to high sexual arousal to scenes from movies like "Pulp Fiction".  Then there were responses such as political and religious bondage.  But when I am talking bondage here, I'm talking about being sexually bound with things like ropes and ties.  Whether you are a bondage aficionado or have been afraid to even try, I want to give you a fresh perspective on the art.

 

I bet that you have played with restraint at some point during your sexual life.  Have you ever held one of your partner's hands down?  Ever used a tie around your lover’s neck or wrists?  Have you ever used your body weight with your partner underneath you?  I know that some of my most pleasurable moments have been from the sensation of my partner's weight on my body as he moves, or when in a moment of passion my partner grabs my wrist and places it over my head as he ravishes my body.

 

If you want to play with restraining your partner or being bound yourself, it is important that you get consent and that you create code words or signals that keep it safe for both of you.  My partner and I use colors.  Red means stop.  Yellow means pause.  Green means all is good to go.  If we are using a gag of some kind, then we have the person who is restrained hold an object like a small ball.  If they need to stop all they have to do is drop the ball and that means that they need something.

 

Here are some guidelines for playing with restraint that take it out of having to know a bunch of rope ties or setting up a dungeon.

 

Look for easy to use objects you already have around your bedroom.  A tie, a belt, a pillowcase, a sweater, socks, etc. can all become objects that you use to playfully restrain your lover.  A tie can become something you use to bind around the neck.  A belt can restrain wrists or ankles.  A pillowcase might serve as a hood or arm restraint.  A sock or your lingerie might be used as a gag.



Use your body weight and hands.  First of all, be conscious of where you are placing your body weight.  I advise that you make sure you aren't crushing your partner's lungs or hurting them.  Large bony landmarks are good places to start.  Try restraining your lover's hip bones or shoulders.  When you are kissing, hold their jaw or head.  Use your hands to play with restricting their wrists, thighs, or ankles.  If you have agreed and find it erotic, you can also play with hands around their neck, but I don't advise actual choking.  I learned how to do "stage combat" choking when in acting school, and I find using the acting technique just as effective as the real thing.  Use your hands to create a choke around their neck (think of your hands as one unit with your fingers on the sides of their neck), but don't put much pressure on the front of the neck, focus on more on the sides, not squeezing too tight, instead push upward.  You are not tightening around your lover's neck, but giving them just enough sensation on the sides and upwards for them to feel it.



Try some light restraints.  I've tried a bunch of different products out there when it comes to bondage.  There are some that require a lot of learning and some that are really simple.  I like the Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo because it is incredibly easy to use.  If you were one of those people who chose Velcro over tying your shoes, you'll love it.  If you can use Velcro and a seat belt you can use the Black Label products.



Pick products that feel good.  Of course this is a personal preference, but I really like being bound by objects that feel good on my skin.  Liberator's Silk Binding Sashescan also be really nice as they are soft and feel wonderful.  So are cuffs and blindfolds that have soft fur or fabric on the inside, like the Pro Cuff Kit available from Liberator(especially the fluffy ones).

Take bondage out of the kinky category.  I really feel that bondage and restraint have been given a bad rap, to the point when most people think of this art, they think it is something they would never do because it belongs in a deep dark dungeon, or as something that is done as a punishment and involves pain.  But I would like to invite you to reframe bondage as a time to play with restraint in a way that is lighthearted and can add a little spice into your sex life.  And if you love the deep dark dungeon, that's great too.  I still invite you to play with elements from the dungeon in different contexts and settings, you never know what you may discover!