No two people are alike when it comes to how they are wired sexually. Some people are wired more sexually (active sexuality), sensually (receptive sexuality), and energetically (transformational sexuality). And of course some of us are a combination of all three.
On any given day you, may feel more active sexually. This is what most people are familiar with when it comes to sexual drive, pleasure, and desire. It’s that raw, lustful, physical act of sex. If you find yourself drawn to active sexuality, you may have higher levels of the hormone testosterone flooding through your body. The shadow side of this type is that your drive may lead to sexual addiction, lack of connection, fear of intimacy, and/or a preference for masturbation to the point of avoiding sexual contact with your partner.
Sometimes you may feel more laid back whenit comes to sex. You are more like a cat, sitting in the sunlight. You like to be pet, but if someone comes on too strong you get turned off. Sensual types like massage, romance, talk, touch, candles, and languishing in pleasure. If you go too fast or try that new “porn star” move, they won’t necessarily be writhing in the throes of ecstasy, but scratch their back, put on some nice music and massage their feet, ah, then they become more receptive to sex. The shadow side of this sexual type is that you may get stuck in the receptive and never initiate sex with your partner. If you are both receptive you might find that neither of you initiates and sex just doesn't happen.
And sometimes you may feel like an energetic type. They are definitely a minority, but I come across many people like this who always thought that something was “wrong” with them because they felt things so differently than others. If you are an energetic type, you may sense your lover’s touch before they reach your skin; you may be more aroused by anticipation than by the actual act. Your body may twitch or convulse during high states of pleasure, and you easily go into altered states of consciousness during lovemaking. The shadow for energetic sexual types is that we tend to float off into the ethers rather easily. We can also stop enjoying pleasure when things actually get physical.
What's important to note about these three sexual types is that we all like to be pleasured in different ways. This is what I have discovered in my "hands on" practice. You can't use the same stroke on a receptive male that you can on an active male. Arousing an active female is not the same as arousing an energetic one. Most of us are taught techniques for active sexual types, although sensuality is being honored more and more these days. Why not have a vocabulary that speaks to all types of sexuality? Since many of us have parts of all three inside of us, why not appeal to the whole? I challenge you right now to make a list of things that would please each sexual type, and make a note of those things that are most attractive to you, both as a giver and a receiver.