Sex when you’re pregnant.  Many women cringe at the thought, others absolutely love it.  With your body going through so many things in such a short period of time sex does not always seem like the best or easiest idea.   And you cannot generalize sex in pregnancy across the entire experience.  For me, sex was very different in all 3 trimesters.


During the first trimester I was so damn tired.  All. The. Time.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  It wasn’t that I did not want to have sex it was that I was asleep in bed by 4 pm.  My poor husband.  Before we got pregnant if we went more than two days without doing it that was a “long stretch”.  However, during the first trimester we could go a week without making love.  Thankfully I married a very supportive guy.


The best thing to do during this time is, surprise, get the sleep! You need it!  You are growing a human being for heaven sake.  And think about how much sleep you will NOT be getting once the baby comes.  But also have sex!  Even if you don’t really feel like it so much.  Think of how long you have to wait after you have a baby to do it again.  As unromantic as it sounds, schedule time to have sex with your partner.   Try morning sex, before dinner sex, and sex after you have an afternoon nap.  Figure out the time of day you feel the best.


If you have morning sickness and feel crappy obviously you will not be in the mood.  Don’t feel guilty, this part will (hopefully) not last forever and you can make it up to your partner later……in the second trimester!


During the second trimester most women find the nausea and vomiting are gone and their sex drive returns, in full force!  For me this was very true!  I was feeling great and my baby bump had not yet taken over my body.  We were still able to do most sexual positions with minimal modification.  In fact, my husband said I was wearing him out!  I just said this must be nature’s way of compensating for the inevitable drop in sex frequency post baby.


Some women worry about hurting the baby.   Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, sex at all stages of pregnancy is fine.  Actually it is better than fine, it keeps the bond between partners strong and maintains some sense of normalcy in your changing world.  Sometimes I would think about weird things during sex like “what if the baby kicks my husband? Will that distract him? That is totally not sexy!”   You have to remember to bring a sense of humor to sex in pregnancy.  In all honesty there will be weird things happening, like increased vaginal discharge you are not used to and swelling of your genitalia.  Try not to worry.  This person loves you enough to make a baby with you and I am positive loves to have sex with you no matter what.  Talk about things and do what makes you feel comfortable, otherwise sex will cease to be the fun fantastic thing it is supposed to be.


Which brings us to the last trimester.  Returning is the fatigue that you thought you had beaten months ago.  During this time I felt huge, swollen, and totally unsexy!  However, I did continue our sex life right up to the time our little guy was born.


Try to have fun with it.  You may be more limited in sexual positions, but there are still a lot of things you can do.  Just remember that orgasm is going to help strengthen your uterus for delivery!  In my case it also helped to release some of the tension regarding the upcoming arrival of the baby for both my husband and myself.  Also, let’s face it; you are not going to be able to pay a lot of attention to your partner in the first several weeks post baby.  It is good to let them know you love them and enjoy them sexually.  Think of it as stocking up your partner for his “long winter hibernation” of the postpartum period.  No sex for about six weeks folks, might as well do it now.  But don’t worry; this is not the end of your sex life!  Sex after baby can be even better than before!