With the mercury going up, it’s time to cool down. Not that you want to turn the heat of passion off though. We’ve got an entire collection of waterproof toys that you can take with you to the pool or bath time.

Lelo knows the way to go it with the Elise 2, Mona 2 or Ina 2. All improve upon their predecessors by taking the rechargeable toy and making it more powerful and waterproof. The mere thought of taking a rabbit vibe like the Ina 2 along for a dip is enough to have us stripping off the skivvies.

Jimmyjane also has the waterproof game on lock with its Form series. For the fan of pure clitoral stimulation, the Form 2 will serve you well. So would the Form 3 and its unique vibration action and patterns.

If you’d rather use a toy for some couple’s action in, say, a hot tub, the newest and world’s most popular toy for partners, the We-Vibe 3, can’t be beat. The We-Vibe’s different modes will keep both of you guessing and pay special attention to parts that may have been forgotten otherwise.

Even men can have a solo go using a sleeve from Tenga. The 3D comes in a variety of textures for different pleasure-centric experiences.  It’s also super easy to clean off, especially if you’ve packed it in a shower caddy.

A new study finds that practitioners of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, or BDSM, score better on a variety of personality and psychological measures than "vanilla" people who don't engage in unusual sex acts.

The sexual practices of BDSM had all previously been listed as potentially problematic by the 5th Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but that may just not be true as those tested seemed to be more psychologically healthy than their non-practicing counterparts.

BDSM practitioners "either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favorable direction," said study researcher Andreas Wismeijer, a psychologist at Nyenrode Business University in the Netherlands who conducted the research while at Tilburg University.

The questionnaire sent out to over 1,300 people referred to personality, sensitivity to rejection, style of attachment in relationships and well-being. Results showed BDSMers were more extroverted, open to new experiences and no more troubled than the general population. They are also less paranoid.

Prior attempts to research the BDSM community included questions inclined to skew toward a negative view of the participants.

People in the BDSM scene also reported higher levels of well-being in the past two weeks than people outside it, and they reported more secure feelings of attachment in their relationships, the researchers found.

Does any of this surprise you?

Her new book, The Boudoir Bible, Vernon doesn’t shy away from much. Case in point, her elegant take and breakdown of female ejaculation.

Long controversial in the eyes of doctors, gynos and sex researchers alike, Vernon mentions many of the ancient cultures that all referenced the emission, including the Greeks, Romans, Japanese, Celts, Cherokees and more.

“In all of these societies, female ejaculation was viewed as a symbol of woman’s ‘masculine’ side, a perspective that rendered women sexually equal to men,” Vernon writes.

Vernon goes into more detail about female ejacualtion and expels a certain myth.

“Theoretically, any woman can learn to create the conditions for ejaculation and revel in the heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction that it excites — and the empowering sense of equality that accompanies it. We may therefore conclude that what women seem to be missing, more than anything else, are equally informed, sufficiently liberated, and well-skilled partners!”

Basically, it’s a combination of poor technique and inhibition that stops all women from the act.

Vernon’s main advice for women seeking female ejaculation is to “awaken the G-spot” and learn to relax.

Other than that? We suggest picking up a Fascinator Throe.

Read the original article from Purple Fashion

Coming in three varieties, iroha is the female line designed by TENGA, the Japanese company that already revolutionized male masturbation.

TENGA is known for its modern, clean designs, and the iroha brand takes the same aesthetic and meshes it with a stylish Japanese twist. Using “Wa-modern” designs similar to traditional Japanese confectionery, iroha products feature a unique “Soft Touch” material that provides a supple texture that is kind, responsive and giving to touch. The iroha line of luxury massagers has multiple vibration strengths, functional storage-case-charger and three varieties of design providing different methods of use.

Each of the three designs - Midori, Yuki, Sakura - serve an individual focus.

Midori’s light green orbs conceal powerful, quiet vibrations with a simple two-button interface, and its design is meant to caress every bodily curve and crevice.  A small tip allows for pinpoint pleasure.

Sakura’s cherry-blossom pink form conceals powerful, quiet vibrations with a simple two-button interface, and its design is meant to pinch and please with an indented tip.

Yuki’s frosty white package conceals powerful, quiet vibrations with a simple two-button interface and its unique design provides for a semi-insertable tip for even more pleasure.

The iroha line was such a success in Japan it actually created the stateside delay in delivery. See what has the East talking.

A Japanese man has begun a strict regimen of watching his caloric intake and masturbation to keep in shape. So far his results are rather surprising. In two months he’s lost nine pounds, although he’s probably gone through his weight in lotion.

"I read online that pleasuring oneself was the same as running 200 meters," said Ito. "Without a girlfriend, the only way I could become thin was through masturbation!"

“Yuichi Ito” - an alias - masturbates three to five times a day as an appetite suppressant and form of exercise. But maybe don’t follow his lead quite yet. A doctor says exhausting your body without proper calorie consumption is never good.

We just want to know how Yuichi finds the time.

“Taking time to check-out from your hectic life, and check-in to a hotel or resort is the perfect way to rejuvenate your relationship and reconnect with your partner,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Igniteyourpleasure.com.

File that under things we knew but never heard aloud.

Apparently female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety. That’s one we didn’t know but will remember.

CNN has a whole article of good stuff about why vacation sex is worth the trip alone.

Here’s one for the people not going anywhere this weekend:

Even if you’re home this week, with no immediate vacation plans on the horizon, that doesn’t mean you need to give up on the benefits of vacation sex. With a few simple touches and a little bit of imagination, you can skip the travel and enjoy a sexy staycation right in your own bedroom.

Starting back in 2008 at a bar in Austin, Texas, Air Sex is now a real thing. And some of the “sport’s” most notable performers really want to tell you all about it through a new documentary.

The group is running a Kickstarter to raise funds for the doc. They aren’t really close, but as of press they still have about 50 days to raise the money, so there’s a chance.

Would we watch this movie? Hell yeah we would.

A recent column by Emily Esfahani Smith looked at a number of factors and concluded that it’s definitely not always the case.

Student-produced plays at Bowdoin College shown to incoming students to foster healthy relationships are based on real-life experiences but often look more like episodes of Girls than they do steamy Hollywood sex scenes.

Smith argues that students and young people in general have lost the eroticism in sex. She thinks students should be looking to Eros - in other words, the beating heart of life - more for inspiration than awkward encounters of 20-somethings.Without eroticism, not only does sex lose its depth and meaning, but life itself does.

Smith says:

"Casual sex, readily available sex, publicized sex, sloppy drunk sex, sex for the sake of self-gratification and self-discovery—this is not eros. "Sex-on-tap," Nehring writes in A Vindication of Love, "attenuates rather than inflames passion. It is for this reason that the relentless emphasis on sexual climax that distinguishes our day from most others in historical memory has a largely depleting effect on the life of the emotions... The natural distances between people have been diminished so radically as to make romance—which depends on the retention of other-ness, tensions, and reserve—impossible."

"If we want sex to be sexy again, perhaps we should speak less about it."

Interesting take on a culture we see as too sexed up.

The Atlantic kept up with the on-topic material this week and also published “The Ethics of Extreme Porn.”

Leave it to Canada to come up with something like this.

Billed as the first gender-based whole food, Sexcereal is exactly what it sounds like.

Sexcereal is the creation of Toronto guru Peter Ehrlich (above). Started in 2012 and now making waves in the states, Sexcereal combines all-natural ingredients shown to increase sexual health and libido in men and women. What are some of the ingredients and how good are they for you? Check it out below:

And yes, they do know how that Sexcereal name might sound. In their words, “Go big or go home.”

If you want Sexcereal delivered to your home, check them out online.

Who needs a four poster bed when you can realize all your tie-up fantasies with a simple new toy. The Bed Buckler allows you to playfully restrain your partner from four points on any bed or mattress. Now you can explore every bondage fantasy and learn the true art of temptation and tease.

The recently-debuted VH-1 reality show I’m Married to a... features Jaiya in its first episode taking on the role of a sexual surrogate while her partner Ian weighs in. I'm Maried to a...  takes a glimpse at unconventional partnerships. "Love is blind" has never been so true as viewers will get a true life look into the lives of these offbeat couples who are making love work through the most unconventional situations.

Jaiya is already a renowned sexologist but wants to extend her career from couples therapy to something a little more physical. Ian has his reservations, obviously, but twist, they have been in a polyamorous relationship before.

We don’t do spoilers so you’ll have to watch the episode yourself, which, lucky you, is streaming now online.

To see more of Jaiya, browse our blog archive and Liberator TV.

Plan to be spontaneous. Use the Wing to add a new element of adventure in the bedroom. The toy mount will bring both of you to climax faster by hiding a secret weapon while you and your partner use its ergonomic shape to find the best position for pleasure. We suggest straddling the Wing and letting him enter from behind.

I heard you on the "Tiffany Granath Show".  I have never been able to give my wife an orgasm through oral stimulation, although I have begun to get close. I have used the Ian Kerner book, and it seems to be helping. It is my fondest wish to help her orgasm that way, but I am always careful to make sure not to pressure her.  How can I help my wife have orgasms from oral sex?

My other question is that we are a bit older (I'm 47, she's 43) and now after sex she is a bit sore. I am very careful not to thrust too hard so I don't think it's me. She says it's a function of not lubricating as much as she did when she was younger. I know you espouse natural remedies and wondered whether there was a natural remedy for this--especially foods I could simply include in our diets.

Thank you for your consideration.

-JJ

Dear JJ,

Thanks for writing.  I'm going to tackle your second question first.  As you may know from listening to me on the radio, I am really into lubrication these days.  After having my baby and breastfeeding, I found myself unable to lubricate, so I started to research everything I could on the topic.  Have you tried using lubes?  There are a variety of different kinds out there.  I highly recommend natural lubricants such as Aloe Cadabra, which is 95% organic and leaves the vaginal skin softer and healthier than before.  I do recommend that you experiment with different types of lubricants to see what works best.

Here are some guidelines for different types you may want to try:

• Aloe:  all natural, edible, leaves the skin soft, doesn't mess with the pH of her vagina, and is compatible with all types of toys, condoms, and other safe sex barriers.
• Sea Carrageenan (Irish Moss):  all natural, edible, compatible with all types of toys, condoms, and other barriers.  You can even make it at home, and it does need reapplication as it can dry out quickly.
• Silicone:  best as far as glide, best as far as long-lasting, but make sure to get a medical grade silicone and pay attention to other ingredients that may be harmful to your wife's body. Not compatible with Silicone toys.
• Water-based:  read your labels, stay away from glycerin, dyes and chemicals; doesn't stay wet unless you add water or saliva.
• Oil-based:  coconut oil is my favorite, but stay away from vegetable oils as they can go rancid; great for massage, but don't use with latex condoms.

It seems like your wife might be peri-menopausal, which means that hormones may be playing a role in her change in natural lubrication.  Here are some natural things that might help her lubricate:

• Water:  make sure she's drinking plenty of water as dehydration can cause a woman to lubricate less.  Juicy fruits can also help to keep her hydrated; try melons or pineapples.
• Acupuncture:  receiving regular acupuncture treatments has been shown to help peri-menopausal women to regulate their hormones and decrease their stress levels, both of which may be a factor in vaginal dryness.
• Diet:  Dr. Carolyn Braddock has a list of foods that can cause dryness, such as having too much caffeine, alcohol, msg, aspartame (ingredient in diet sodas), and white rice.  She suggests eating more berries, especially blueberries and vegetables.  She also recommends supplementing with calcium and getting adequate sleep and exercise.
• Awaken her senses:   slow sex down and use all of her senses to awaken her arousal.  Speaking of arousal, it might be good for you to learn more about female arousal and ways that you might touch her now that her body is changing.
• Genital massage techniques:  there are certain techniques you can try to see if it gets her lubricating more.  Massaging the bottom of her vagina may help her to lubricate more naturally.  Try a come-hither motion with your index finger, like you would do on her G-spot, only you are massaging the wall between her vagina and anus.  For more on techniques like this check out my DVD "Red Hot Touch:  Genital Massage for Women".
• Keeping your own mouth wet:  nothing is worse than a sandpaper tongue on your genitals.  If you are giving her oral, make sure that you build up plenty of saliva.  Try running your tongue over your teeth in circles for a number of times; this helps you get more saliva in your own mouth.

Leaf is made from chemical-free silicone, uses rechargeable batteries and comes in recycled packaging. They like to call it sustainable.

Inspired by nature, and with a wide range of shapes that are sure to please, leaf delivers undeniable and exhilarating pleasure. The entire leaf collection is powered by PowerBullet™ which has been specifically engineered to offer the deepest pulsating vibrations available. All leaf products are shipped in a sturdy reusable storage box that contains a beautiful canvas tote and an informative instruction manual. 

Discover the power of nature and get wrapped up in your very own leaf.

Liberator is proud to carry two leaf vibes: Vitality and Life.

Vitality is the essence of nature. Each curved side contains powerful, separately controlled vibrations. Enjoy yourself, and while perfectly relaxed, allow the intensity of each budding branch to grow to a level that is perfect for you. Vitality features an incredibly soft and smooth shell for full exploration of all the most sensitive spots.

Life is to be celebrated. Simply contoured with smooth finish, Life allows for pure comfort while exploring every inch of the body. With its' incredible curves and PowerBullet technology, Life's powerful vibrations can be felt in any position.

Heck, if it's good enough for Alicia Silverstone...

That second series of labels may be a bit confusing to some, they are labels that help others in the BDSM/kink world know some of what I am or am interested in. In my last article we discussed some of the basic terminology used in the BDSM community. This week I want to go into some of the labels used, what they mean, and perhaps other common variations. (Keep in mind that the meaning of any label is subjective to the person who is identifying with it, but these are some general definitions. )

Top: “Top” is a term used to describe the person who is performing the act in a scene.  Generally “Top” is used when there is no power exchange, just the play involved in the scene. A person can be a Top to Person A and be the Dominant to Person B. They could even be a Top to Person A and be the Submissive of Person B.

Bottom: “Bottom” is a term used to describe the person who is having an act performed on/to them in a scene. As with “Top,” when “Bottom” is used it usually means there is no power exchange, just the play involved in the scene. A person can be a Bottom as well as being uninterested in power exchange, or they can be either the Dominant or Submissive person in a power exchange dynamic.

Switch: “Switch” is the term used to describe someone who both tops and bottoms in different scenes. Switch can also be used to describe someone who is submissive to Person X and the Dominant of Person Y.

Play Partners: “Play partners” is the term used to describe a relationship between two people when they do scenes together, but are not in a romantic or power exchange relationship with one another. A person could have one play partner or many, or they may only play with their Dominant of submissive.

Dominant/Sir/Ma’am/Mistress/Master: These are all different terms used to describe the person holding the control and power in a power exchange dynamic. This role is usually described as being the “Dominant,” however “Domina” is a more feminine version that is also used. Many Dominants have a title they prefer their submissives to call them, like Sir, Ma’am, Mistress, Master, my Lord/Lady, etc. I have heard a differentiation between Dominant and Master is that  the level of control and power exchanged in the Master/slave dynamic is more total and complete than that of the Dominant/submissive. The differentiation can also just be a matter of preference.

Submissive/Slave: These are both terms used to describe the person giving over control and power in a power exchange dynamic. The general consensus on “submissive” versus “slave” is that the level of control and power exchanged in a Dominant/submissive dynamic is not as complete/total/far-reaching as the level in a Master/slave dynamic. Again, this can be a matter of personal preference.

Collar/Collared: In the BDSM community collars can have different levels of significance. A collar can be a symbol of commitment in a relationship, or it can merely be used as something fun to wear in a scene or out to the dungeon. There can be levels of meaning for collars. Consideration collar: where the Dominant and submissive are spending time seeing if they are compatible for each other in a longer term relationship. Training collar: where the Dominant and submissive are committed to the relationship, and the submissive is being trained to do things in the way the Dominant prefers (day to day things like how they take their coffee, or kink things like how they prefer the submissive to kneel, etc.) Formal collar: where the Dominant and submissive are committing to a long term relationship with one another. A formal collar is usually thought to have the same significance as a wedding ring. However, there are some people who don’t give collars this amount of significance and give and/or accept them without as much meaning attached to them.

Kinkster: This is a term some people use to describe themselves when they don’t feel they fit neatly into a label, or when they haven’t figured out which label best fits them. Some people have such a broad range of interests, fetishes/kinks, etc. that they prefer to call themselves a Kinkster for simplicity’s sake.

These are the most commonly used labels I have seen in my journey into the world of BDSM. Whether someone strongly identifies with a label, uses it as a way to convey their interests, or doesn’t use these labels because they don’t feel they fit, they can be useful in understanding the roles of different people in the community.

Everyone wants to peek behind the curtain to see what’s going on. One site online has made it possible to give you an idea of what your neighbor gets their rocks off to.

Adult site PornMD put together an interactive infographic chronicling the worldwide search habits of porn perusers most often used terms. Collected over the past six months, it’s only a microcosm of the entire internet erotica landscape but it gives you the gist of what different regions are into.

Take the United State and Canada. Neighbors and seemingly very similar aside from pronunciations and pockets of French holdouts, their Top 10 search terms share some phrases but vary quite a lot. Go across the pond to the U.K. or Russia and it’s extremely different. Even each individual state broken down by the infographic is radically different.

But the better question is: do your search habits mimic the people around you? 

YoLU (or Year of Living Uncomfortably) is a little phenomenon based in the Atlanta fetish community that focuses on challenging yourself. YoLU is all about facing your fears head-on, and forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. There is a group on Fetlife about YoLU. There are posts talking about the evolution of YoLU as well as people sharing their YoLU goals, experiences, and accomplishments.

Some of these YoLU goals are about trying new things within the kink-world, like trying a new kind of play, or putting yourself out there by going to new munches, meeting new people, or attending a kink-oriented convention, like Frolicon. Then again some of these goals are about everyday concerns, like losing weight, learning to think more positively about one’s self, embracing your flaws, or getting a new hobby.

These goals are all admirable, but also frightening. Putting yourself out in the line of fire takes courage and commitment, and of course love and support from friends. The YoLU group allows others to see your goals and encourage you down the path to being the best version of yourself. We are all constantly growing and learning, and pushing yourself to face things outside of your comfort zone can help you learn a lot about yourself. Choosing to live life uncomfortably gives you the opportunity to learn your boundaries and push them, making your self stronger in the process. I have chosen to have a YoLU, some of my goals are particular to the kink lifestyle, others are about making me a better individual.

Is there anything you’ve been thinking of trying, but have psyched yourself about? Challenge yourself to a YoLU, and get out there and do it! Take a chance on that dance class, do that photo shoot, put yourself out there in the fetish community, or on trying that new style of play you saw at last weekend’s play party. Do your research, keep yourself informed and aware, and make yourself a little uncomfortable. Good luck, and happy YoLU!

Check out some of our new products available at Liberator.com:

From Tantus, a whole new line of Space Toy dildos and plugs put a cosmic twist on classic Shapes. Check out the Rocket, Asteroid, Comet and Meteorite. For another level of pleasure (and pain), silcone paddles like the Thwack, Wham Bam and Pelt are geared toward both amateur and enthusiast.

Altering one of favorite, Tenga brings new pleasure with a firmer elastomer in a familiar package with the Limited Hard Edition of the 3D Sleeve.

The "future of sex" is finally at Liberator. Jimmyjane's much-ballyhooed Hello Touch can be yours now. You know you've been thinking about it. 

Now for something completely different, our first toy from Fun Toys. The G-Vibe is designed to hit everywhere you want it to. Ergonomically designed, the G-Vibe fill find spots past G.

Originally published here

FAT SEX WEEK: Review of the Plus Size Liberator Wedge

Originally posted here

So like all Lelo products, Siri arrives in a beautiful hard black case meant for long term storage or display. It also comes with a small sachet for those of us that stow and go with our toys. My Siri is a sinful shade of red. It’s a very vibrant, bright color especially when paired with the white control panel. As always with Lelo Siri comes with a one year warrantee and a 10 year promise. Let that sink in. For the first entire year if your motor dies, has charging issues, won’t hold charge, the motor becomes weak, they will replace your Siri, free. Then there is the 10 year promise. For the next 10 years if something happens to your Siri you can send it in and they will give you 50% off your next purchase. Quality is the name of the game with these products.

So back to my Siri. It’s small. Impossibly palm sized and I hazard to say cute. Ok It’s cute. Very cute. The shape might look kind of weird online with that little bump coming out from the colored portion. It is perfectly shaped for labia stimulation or if you angle Siri a little more it hits the clit and just stays there perfectly content to get you off. For the way I am shaped,Siri can easily be hands free. This makes sex with Siri absolutely amazing. It is such a small size that not only does it not bother the boy or I, but since he presses against it with each thrust it becomes the perfect companion for anything with him on top.

I know what you’re thinking, small size equals small power right? Traditionally yes, which is very depressing as I like just clitoral/labial stimulation and I like it with a lot of power. Leloabsolutely blew me out of the water with Siri. They said they made a new, more powerful motor. I own other Lelo vibes and they are pretty good already but the Siri is just so small. Holy cow, bring on the power induced orgasms. It’s like they took the motor from that giant monster toy that requires half a dozen batteries in an external battery pack (yes I own one of those but it actually requires 8 batteries and it’s worth every one of them) and placed it into my small, cute Siri. The Siri balances power with frequency. The power went up but the frequency stayed blissfully low. The result is low, rumbly, deep vibrations that turn my mind into a puddle of happy goo. None of that topical, buzzy vibration that easily becomes annoying and unpleasant.

Right now I am on a high dose on codine from hurting myself last week. I can’t feel any pain at all, which also leads to massive decreased sensitivity. Small price to pay in my opinion. However, Siri blasts right through my codine induced haze. She packs such a wonderful punch that while my other vibes are totally out in the dark right now, she’s been keeping me sane through the week. I find this impressive, you should too.

Siri has six vibration patterns

1. Continuous vibration
2. Slow pulsation
3. Fast pulsation
4. Revving up
5. Revving up and the back down
6. Random happy teasing mood

The fascinating thing about Siri (and indeed all Lelo vibrators) is that moving to a different pattern doesn’t mean that the intensity is set. You all know the feeling, rev all the way up on continuous vibration, then move to the pulsations on full power. The first 5 settings can have their intensity adjusted to your liking, from feather soft to yes please. The 6th setting is random in intensity and pattern so you cannot adjust its intensity. All Lelos also have a built in locking feature which is great for storage and travel. Just hold down the plus and minus buttons simultaneously for 5 seconds (the lights will flash) and the unit is locked. Do the same to unlock the unit.

So in short the Siri is a cute compact rechargeable quality clitoral vibe that can be locked, packs a massive punch and has a guarantee that cannot be beat. The downside is the price but honestly if you use your vibes a lot and want one that is going to last, the Siri will pay for itself.

During my pregnancy with my second child and after giving birth, I have had daily pain in the labia and vagina accompanied by dryness.  My doc has tried estrogen cream, steroid cream, and Lidocaine.  Lidocaine helps with pain, but I'm looking for a real solution. They've determined I have a dermatitis condition as well. So I have changed to hypo-allergenic cleansers and so on. Can you give me some help?  I also have pain in the uterus and cervix with spotting.  My doc suggested a hysterectomy.  What are your thoughts on this?

Thank you,

S

Dear S,

Oh, I have so many thoughts on this!  For the last two years my research partner, Ellen Heed, and I have spent time with women like you:  after giving birth, they experience pain.  From painful intercourse to deep pelvic pain, they have a variety of ailments such as vaginal dryness, mood swings, and dissatisfaction that accompanies this pain.  Luckily in our research we found solutions that worked for many women and may work for you too.  If I were you, I would only opt for a hysterectomy if you've exhausted all options and given it some time.  How long have you been living with this pain?

First and most, I want to ask an often overlooked question:  did you experience a tear or episiotomy during childbirth, or did you have a C-section?  What most people don't realize is that scar tissue from injuries during childbirth can cause pain, lack of ability for arousal, and vaginal dryness.

Did you do any massage to your vulva, vagina, or pelvic floor after giving birth?  Massage can help break up the scar tissue and improve pleasurable sensations, increase lubrication, and lessen pain.

Changing to a hypo-allergenic cleanser is a start, but you might also want to look into the type of fabric in which your pants and underwear are made.  There are often chemicals in the cotton and for some people that can be the cause of the dermatitis and even pain for some women.

Are you still breastfeeding?  Have you had your hormone levels tested?  An estrogen cream works for some women, but not for others.  In some cases, it can make dryness and pain worse, like it did for me.  An entire balance of hormonal therapy is most effective.  You may want to find a female hormone specialist and have them do an entire evaluation of your estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and FSH (follicle stimulating hormone).  Due to hormonal changes, you may have a bit of vaginal thinning which could cause tiny tears which in turn could cause pain.

My biggest recommendation would be to find a specialist in postpartum sexual care.  This would be a physical therapist or sexological bodyworker who knows how to work with structural issues and scar tissue.  I am a testimony to this work as I had major scars that caused traumatic pain, inability to lubricate, and even emotional distress.

Out of all of the fashion eye candy and latex porn that make-up her videos thus far, my favorite is "Alejandro".  Not because I particularly like the song, although it is catchy, but because I LOVE the fashion!  Her red and white latex nun outfit is one of the first ones we can see clearly.  The red is a nice spin on the classic black and white outfit, which is complemented by her ruby red lips, black fingernails, and black rosary.  Later in the video, she is see in a contrasting latex outfit:  a white and red hooded piece with crosses that remind me of the Knights Templar.

In other scenes in the video, Gaga is wearing more contemporary clothing:  a pair of trouser pants and a vest, nude colored underwear and thigh highs.  It is in the scenes that she wants to make the most impact that she wears the latex, because it stands out above everything else.  Latex not only looks amazing on the body because it clings and really shows a person's shape, but it's the shiny look and texture you can almost feel just by looking at it, that really set it apart from any other type of clothing.

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention all of the other fetish goings on in this video.  The military men suggests a military and uniform fetish, there are elements of bondage with ropes tied to the beds and S&M with the men pushing each other down on the ground.  Transvestites, transgenders, and the people who love them will also appreciate the men dancing on the beds wearing nothing but black hats, bikinis, and pumps.

Pick up a latex outfit, add a few accessories, and you can go be Lady Gaga any day of the week. Here are my favorite items from Liberator Latex Couture that can be worn for Gaga-inspired outfits.

• Bodysuit -Wearing bodysuits was one of Lady Gaga's first signature fashion pieces. The main component of Liberator Latex's Circus Royal is a bright pink bodysuit with latex frills--so flashy that even Gaga would go goo-goo for.
• Nun - Liberator's Sister Seduction is a black and white latex bodysuit with a headdress that combines Lady Gaga's love of bodysuits with the nun imagery from her "Alejandro" video.  Perfect!
• Latex bra and skirt -Liberator's latex pencil skirt in rose is going to come really close to Gaga's original outfit.  

Whether you like her  or not, Lady Gaga is a legitimate poster child of fetish for mainstream culture.  Outside of the fetish scene, we often have to remind ourselves that people aren't used to seeing others wearing latex clothing, tying each other up with rope, or prancing around in practically nothing.  Out of all of her videos, "Alejandro" is the most fetish-inspired theme to date.  Perhaps in the future we'll see even more fetish videos come from Lady Gaga.

Occasionally I get an email question that really catches my eye. This week a mom contacted me with a great question. I loved answering it so much I thought I would share it here with you guys. Not because I am an authority on these types of questions, but because I think this opens up a dialogue among you the readers.

So here is my invitation. If you’d like to send me email questions, I will be happy to answer you directly and sometimes post questions and answers here at Real Sex Talk so that the readers can comment and post opinions too. More heads are better than one!

Send your questions or comments to:

angel.redpillproductions@gmail.com

Hey Angel,

I've been following your various blogs, columns and forums and have really been enjoying your fun adventures in Sexy-land! Given that you are the ONLY Sexpert I know, I thought I'd contact you for some advice. Hope you don't mind...

So here's the situation:

I've been married for 17 years and we've actually been exclusively together since two weeks before my 21st b-day (20 years ago). It's been a great marriage and completely still is! I love my husband to death. Our kids are pretty good at taking care of themselves now and my husband and I have been spending a lot more time together rediscovering each other. The last year has probably been one of our happiest years together ever and things are completely clicking, especially in the bedroom!

Recently, my conservative husband confided a raunchy fantasy to me that really opened my eyes to the possibilities and got me to thinking some rather scandalous thoughts myself. So, now I'm looking for some ways to spice it up a few more notches. Having had little experience with the "wild life", I'm really at a loss as to how to get started. We have a few toys but they are pretty cheap and comical. I'm planning a trip to the Liberator store soon but I'm looking for other ideas how to get moving in the proper direction of sexual exploration.

I'd say I'm open for pretty much anything. Since we've been together for so long and neither of us had a ton of experience prior to getting together, we only know what we know. Sometimes he asks me to talk dirty to him and I can hardly think of things to say... I feel like I need a teacher.

How does a nice, professional, upstanding wife and mother gain some sexual education and experience that will enhance an existing relationship???

I'd appreciate any sexy advice you can pass on to me!

Thanks,
S

Hi S!

I LOVE that you contacted me about your quest for the sexy adventures! Let me start by saying that you are sooooo not alone in your wonderfully worded question.

How does a nice, professional, upstanding wife and mother gain some sexual education and experience that will enhance an existing relationship???

I have so many friends and people I meet that want an answer to this same question, but have no idea where to ask such a thing. We are conditioned to believe because we are wives, mothers, professional , etc., that we have to be conservative in the bedroom. As someone that reads my stuff, you know I think that is a load of malarkey!! I have been married for 16 years. We started dating when we were 18. Our sex life is better now than it was when we were younger. Not because of any magical formula, but because I decided a few years ago that I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to enjoy a sexual life and I wanted it with the person I loved the most and had been with my whole adult life. So, I opened the flood gates and have brought him along with me. He's not complaining!

So lets dive right in to your questions and comments, shall we!

His Fantasy and Dirty Talk: These are so much fun! It's says something about your comfort level and his ability to open up to you about what is going on in his head. Capitalize on his fantasy! This can go hand in hand with talking dirty. If he has a fantasy he wants to explore, start texting about it! Make sure it's a secure phone of course, no work phones for sexting or work computers for that matter.

Sexting during the day or even if you are in the same house is a good way to say, confess or fantasize together without the added pressure of saying it out loud. Some things are better written than said. We do this quite often. Start by asking him questions about his fantasy and let him respond. I suggest slow building questions like:

"What would you like to see" 
"How do you think that would feel" 
"Would it turn you on if I did (fill in the blank)" 

You can do that throughout the day for a slow build until you see each other that night. It works wonders as foreplay all day long. It is also like a naughty little secret that only the two of you share.

Play out his fantasy for him. That can be literally or figuratively. Without knowing exactly what his fantasy is, there are things you can do to simulate almost any circumstance. Props, toys, or just turn out the lights and whisper what you've talked about during the day in his ear.

Same goes for you with any fantasy you may have. You trust each other and it's fantasy play. Be open to explore whatever you like, even things that may seem like they push the envelop. It doesn't mean you have to ever act on any of it, but just being open to play with the fantasy can be fun.

Toys: Liberator is a GREAT place to visit for sex toys. Unlike some of the adult stores around Atlanta, Liberator is completely upscale and the people are amazing. I'm not joking when I say it's like walking around the cosmetic counter at Nordstroms, but instead of makeup you are looking at high end upscale sex furniture and toys. Tell them Angel sent you in :)

I hope this has been some help to you. I really have enjoyed answering your email!

Angel

Kegel exercises tone and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. This provides many well-known benefits, including:

- more control over your pleasure
- the ability to feel a man's presence more fully
- the ability to enjoy more intense orgasms
- minimizing urine leakage

For pregnant women these exercises help the body to cope with the increasing weight of the baby. Healthy, fit muscles prenatally will also recover more readily after the birth.

Yet few women take the time to perform these exercises daily. This, I believe, is because of the clinical (impersonal) way in which these exercises are presented. For many women, knowing the benefits isn't enough. Women need to feel an emotional connection to the benefits. When you feel this connection, you feel motivated to make these exercises part of your daily routine.

Creating this emotional connection is simple, but it does require a some effort and some dedication. You can create this connection with an NLP technique called anchoring. The technique has two steps: 1) you recall a time when you were savoring the anticipation of an upcoming sexual encounter. As you recall this time, you’ll feel the anticipation return. 2) You perform the Kegel exercises while holding on to the feelings of anticipation. Repeat this process every day for a week (two weeks for some people) and you will build this emotional connection that motivates you to perform the exercises daily.

Although the process is fairly simple, some women have difficulty getting started. And some women have difficulty creating a deep enough connection. This is where hypnosis can help. Hypnosis helps you relax, which makes it easier recall the desired state of mind and build the emotional connection between the state of mind and the exercises.

Hypnotic Dreams developed Hypnosis for a More Sensual Kegel for this purpose. A self-help hypnosis program designed to create an emotional connection between exercising your vaginal muscles and the anticipation of greater sexual pleasure.

This program guides you through a basic hypnotic induction, identifying the sexual muscles, performing the basic Kegel exercises, and trying some variations. The mp3 will then guide you to create a sensual state of mind, and link (anchor) this state of mind to exercising your sexual muscles. After several listens, performing Kegel exercises (squeezing your sexual muscles) will automatically return you to a sensual state of mind.

Using this 15-minute hypnosis program once a day will help you build this emotional connection, feel this connection deeply, and … feel motivated to exercise your sexual muscles every day.

Check out Hypnotic Dreams' Hypnosis for a More Sensual Kegel.

Hypnotic Dreams: Erotic Hypnosis Audio Stories

For those of you that like your love a little more rough, and a little less "Hollywood Glam", I have the list for you!  So whether you are looking for a romance with a little edge, or a seductive film that makes you want to jump your lover, read on.

True Romance (1993) Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette - Written by Quentin Tarantino, this film has everything you could expect from the "Pulp Fiction" writer/director:  guns and violence, a Mexican standoff, amazing dialogue, and interesting characters.  It follows the story of Clarence (Slater) who meets and falls in love with Alabama (Arquette), a prostitute.  The characters get mixed up in all sorts of trouble with Alabama's pimp, played by the insanely talented Gary Oldman, drugs, gangsters, and the DEA.  But even in the most extreme circumstances, love conquers all.  Oh, and did I mention Christopher Walken is also in the film as a tough Sicilian gangster?  Val Kilmer plays Elvis, the voice in Clarence's head, Dennis "The Madman" Hopper is Clarence's dad, and Brad Pitt is Michael Rapaport's deadbeat roommate.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) Jim Carey, Kate Winslet - This is a sci-fi romance.  As if that wasn't reason enough for you to watch it, I'll give you more.  This is one of my favorite movies of all time!  Brilliantly written by Charlie Kaufman, this film features a completely non-linear narrative, with flashbacks and a reverse-chronological story line.  The quiet and reserved Joel (Carey) meets the exuberant Clementine (Winslet), and the two click immediately.  As the story unfolds, you find that the two of them had been in a relationship previously, but had their memories of the other erased to undo the pain of their breakup.  This movie shows that sometimes two people are just meant to be together, and that though times may get tough, their love is worth fighting for.

Zombieland (2009) Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone - This film has everything:  horror, comedy, and romance.  Columbus (Eisenberg) is a virginal geek that wants nothing more than to push a girl's hair behind her ears.  After Z-day, the wimpy, phobia-riddled Columbus finds a way to survive based on his mantra-like set of rules.  Along the way, he meets Wichita (Stone), who challenges him in order to survive.  But the two meet back up, and somewhere along the way they start to develop feelings for her.  In a world of brain-frenzied zombies, there is still a place for love.  Eisenberg's anti-hero will have you rooting for him to "put her hair behind her ear!"

9 ½ Weeks (1986) - Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger - A film well before its time, "9 ½ Weeks" is one of the few mainstream movies about Domination and submission.  I had always heard this movie was "steamy", but it wasn't until I finally watched it with my guy last year that I realized exactly why:  it's a fetish film!  Elizabeth (Basinger) meets John (Rourke) after a rough divorce.  They have an immediately hot and heavy affair, in which John is constantly pushing the boundaries to see how far Elizabeth will go.

The Secretary (2002) - James Spader, Maggie Gyllenhaal - This movie should also be known as "The Beginner's Guide to D/s".  This is one of the sexiest movies I have ever seen, and watching it will guarantee that I am going to jump my man and do naughty things to him.  Lee (Gyllenhaal) is a recovering masochist who is completely lost.  When she takes a job as a secretary for Mr. Grey (Spader), a Dom in denial, she is shocked but relieved to have found a new outlet for her emotions.  Together, the two of them explore Domination/submission, and there are several very sexually tense scenes that will leave you sticking to your seat.

 

This Valentine's Day, throw out all of the typical romance films and romantic comedies and consider a fresh approach to film love/lust.  These movies are all guy-approved, but there are tender and sexy moments as well.

These are some of my favorite "romantic" and/or sexy movies, but what are yours?  Comment below!

I've been a very spiritual person my entire life.  I've felt a connection with god and the sacred from the time I watched particles of dust dance in sunlight as a young child.  It's a deep part of who I am.  While I wouldn't' say I belong to a religion or follow a certain dogma, I have a connection to something greater than myself that is very important to me.  Perhaps you do to.

I am also a very sexual person.  I love exploring my sexuality.  I love being open about my sexuality.  I love watching my sexuality change throughout life.  I prefer to have sex with someone I love, someone that I feel connected to on a deep level. Perhaps you feel the same.

I do not see these two things as separate.

Someone posted this on my Facebook page:

"People believe that sexuality ties us to our biological purpose, whereas spirituality is supposed to represent everything beyond the physical. To blend them is like putting chocolate in peanut butter, they can't handle it until they have a taste."

At home I have a special room; it's an altar that represents the blending of sexuality and spirituality.   There is iconography from many spiritual traditions:  Buddhas, Mary Magdalene, Babaji, Goddesses, you name it.  And, there are also dildos, jade eggs, and erotic art.  When I make love with a partner to me it is a spiritual experience.

I was recently challenged by someone when I was sitting on a panel of erotic filmmakers at the Feminist Porn Awards.  He asked why I had to put Buddhas and Japanese fans in my videos.  He seemed angry and offended.  What struck me as strange about his question is that in the screening of a number of filmmakers films, we saw some really edgy stuff:  guns used as dildos, spitting on each other, a mother and daughter sharing a lover, intense bondage, and a scene with two queer women with a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall besides them as the slammed each other up against it.  I personally had no judgment of any of these images, especially in the context that they were used, but I thought it strange that with all that, what was offensive to him was my Buddhas.

Sex, for me, is a meditation.  Since I was 19, sex was a pathway to enlightenment.  While I have changed a lot since then and have found other reasons to enjoy my sexuality, I have always seen sex as a sacred act.  It is so strange to me that this concept is so hard for people to understand and embrace.  When I look into my lover's eyes, he is God.  It is an act of the divine.  I would much rather have Buddha in bed with me than a gun.

What do you think?  Does God, Goddess, Spirit, The Divine (or whatever your name for it is) belong in the bedroom?

Our goal today is simple, get your rocks off. Then you can start to relax, enjoy and build on your success to grow sexually. Our last episode was a detailed inventory of your equipment. This one is a step by step user’s guide. Now let’s have some fun!

Step 1 - Prepare the cock pit. Before lift off, all pilots review their pre-flight checklist. Since this is going to be a solo orgasm, you’ll need a quiet, comfortable and private space. Plan to devote at least a half hour. You might not need that long, but it’s a good idea remove all potential distractions so you can relax and concentrate on yourself. In the 40’s Kinsey found that while 75% men come within 2 minutes of insertion, only 7% of women don’t orgasm after 21 minutes of stimulation. Next, maximize the comfort of your environment. Lock the door and take the phone off the hook (no call screening allowed). Get a quality water or silicon based lube product. Pjur have a variety of excellent products. For now, stay away from anything “warming” or advertising any other additives. Turn up the temperature so you’ll be comfy sans culottes. Turn off the TV. (Music is OK as long as it’s only music and no talk, and won’t need any attention while you’re “busy.” Pick a comfortable spot where you can put your feet up, like bed with pillows, a sofa or bean bag, or even a warm bath. Candles, air fragrances and lighting are optional. Take off all clothing (especially if you’re doing it in the bath tub). Why? Because this is how it’s going to be when you couple.

Step 2 - Taxi down the glide path: Ladies, start your engines. Since sex is a mind-body interplay, so shift your mind into gear. Enjoy the anticipation of a pleasant experience. Call up a mental image of someone you’d enjoy canoodling with. It can be a spouse, boy or girl friend, celebrity, neighbor whatever (no pets, please). Fantasies are definitely in order, they are pretty much part of everyone’s (even your Aunt Mildred’s) sex life. Relax. Breathe deeply and rhythmically from the diaphragm. Eastern arts like yoga, tai-chi or kung-fu all use breathing to help calm the nervous system and improve self awareness.

The first stage of sexual arousal involves a quickening of pulse and breathing rate, and the beginning of secretion and engorgement. You never want to have your clit rubbed when not moistened or warmed. Transfer a nickel sized dollop of lube between the labia and gently distribute from top to bottom. Once you get more aware of the signs and sequence, you may find that you produce all the joy juice you need, but for now, we’ll make sure there’s plenty of pre-warmed glide in place. Start to touch yourself, breasts, nipples and outsidevagina. Do what feels good and take your time. Your nipples may perk up, and your lower lips may swell. You might even feel some juices flowing. You’re getting ready for take off.

Step 3 - Give it the gas and lift off: Move your finger around gently as you spread the moisture around. Feel the inside of the labia majora, the outside and inside of the labia minora. Mmmmm, soft! Touch the opening of your vagina. Come back out and slide up to where the two labia minora meet. Don’t go for your clitoral head yet. First touch the outside of the hood, feeling the clitoris underneath it. Massage it from the outside. When you’re ready, slide under the clitoral hood. Try to recognize the shaft and the head. See how the parts feel when touched. Rub up and down, side to side. Come back to the base of the shaft and then slide down the clitoral legs, first right, then left. Return to your clitoral shaft, and stroke the part that feels best the way that pleasures you most. Experiment. Have fun.

Step 4 - Loop the loop: When you’ve got things well in hand, pick up the pace. Let yourself go, and surrender to any urges. Rock your hips, put a finger in your butt, go with whatever impulse grabs you. It’s all yours to enjoy. The full range of the erectile ring will be swelling now. You may notice that these parts like being touched a lot more than before. You may even have the urge to be penetrated. Not yet, babe. Keep stroking, faster, faster, let it build, build. When it’s time let it go. Scream, curse, move, writhe. Put a dildo inside yourself or use your finger.

Step 5 - Back to terra firma: Whew! Way to go. Relax. Enjoy the glow.

Step 6 - Review and take home lessons: Why isn’t it always this easy? How do I get this to work with my honey? For almost all women, the surest way to orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. Remember, most gals can’t reach orgasm just from intercourse. The distance from clitoris to vaginal opening varies. In some women the two are really close, in others further apart. If the distance is greater than 1 ½ inches (about the length of the last part of your thumb) the penis won’t make contact with your bud during sex. It takes time and practice to do right by your clit. If your guy needs help with this part, don’t be afraid to take charge. Take his hand and put it where you want it. He might be surprised at first but I promise he’ll love being led by the hand. Start outside and don’t move inside till you’re moist and engorged (remember the feeling?). If you need lube, fine, just remember to keep it handy and don’t overdo it. When you feel ready, give him the signal and pull him in. A shared orgasm is one of life’s truly great experiences.

In recognition of your great dedication in reaching the next plateau, you are being awarded the coveted MAP degree, Master of the Art of Pussology. And ff it doesn’t work every time, no biggie. Remember, batting .300 gets you into the Hall of Fame. Now get out there and practice, practice practice!

A study published at the end of September in the journal Sex Roles refutes the assumption that men should always take charge during sex. Those that approached trysts in such a fashion allegedly felt less confident and were not as open-minded to the concept of female condoms, LiveScience reports.

Lisa Rosenthal and a team of researchers based at Yale University asked 357 heterosexual women and 126 heterosexual men, all sexually active and between the ages of 18 and 29, to complete a survey about their sex lives.

Participants were asked about assertiveness in getting satisfaction for themselves, their overall sexual confidence, and their use of condoms and other precautionary methods that promote safe sex.

According to LiveScience, participants were asked to rate their level of agreement with statements such as, “It’s [okay] if some groups have more of a chance in life than others,” to gauge his or her views of social hierarchies and disparities in equality between social groups.

In addition to the survey, a bowl of free condoms was left in the area where questions were answered, for participants to take or leave samples as they so desired.

What the surveys reportedly dictated was that those who subscribed to antiquated gender roles also thought that men should be the dominant party when it came to sex.

“If men believe that men should dominate sexually, this may prevent them from feeling open or comfortable discussing sexual behavior and protection with their partners or asking questions about things they may not know,” researchers were quoted as noting by LiveScience.

Additionally, those who felt that way were far less likely to take a female condom from the bowl of samples provided for them.

The study noted, “For both women and men, the belief that men should dominate sexually could reduce interest in female condoms, because female condoms are meant to be a woman-centered source of protection and may be seen as violating the norm or belief that men should be in control of sexual situations.”

Is there a way to increase sexual desire towards my husband, and if so, how?  I'm dealing with the realization that the initial attraction to my husband was not very strong when we married, and now it is wreaking havoc in our marriage as this knowledge has come out.

Thanks.

-A

Dear A,

Female sexual desire is so finicky. I feel for you; not desiring your partner sexually can be very, very challenging, especially if it wasn't there in the beginning.

I like to think of attraction on seven different levels. Read each of these levels and find the areas where you are attracted to your husband.

• Level 1- Security:  Your partner provides you with a sense of safety and security. He may put a roof over your head or protect you from harm.
• Level 2- Sexual:  This is raw sexual energy. It's lusty and full of passion for our ideal lover. It is also creative; it's the drive to create together.
• Level 3- Self:  You are attracted to how you are with your partner, you feel like you can be yourself. You may even feel powerful around your partner when you have a strong sense of self like this.
• Level 4- Love:  You have a strong intimate bond. You love your husband, you share life together.
• Level 5- Communication:  You are attracted to the way you and your partner can communicate with one another. You love having conversations and talking about your day together.
• Level 6- Intellectual:  You are attracted to your partner's brains. You find your partner intellectually stimulating. They are smart and witty and you love that about them.
• Level 7- Spiritual:  The two of you have a connection that cannot be explained. It feels otherworldly, like you've just always known each other. You share a deep spiritual bond.

I work with many couples who are attracted to each other on a few of these levels, but very few who connect on every level. I'm not saying that you have to connect on all levels, but it definitely does help. Look at these seven and find where you are attracted to your husband. Start there.

Now, let's specifically talk about sexual attraction and the five senses. Where are you not attracted to him? Is it how he looks? How he smells? How his body feels? Where are you attracted to him? Do you love how his skin tastes? Or how his arms feel around you? Make a list of each sense. Under each sense write something that you are attracted to.

Now ask yourself, what kind of a lover is your husband to you? Do you like how he touches you? What can he do to be more attractive to you?

How would you rate your emotional intimacy? There is a big myth that more emotional intimacy means more attraction to each other. Actually, it's counter-intuitive, but some mystery and obstacles can really turn up the attraction heat. Perhaps it's time for you to get a little bit of space, some breathing room, so that you can feel the draw towards one another.

I hope that this helps. Please keep in touch. To everyone reading this, help "A" out:  what do you do to boost your attraction to your partner?

In most long term relationships where both partners work, it often becomes difficult to connect. In my own relationship, my boyfriend and I both work two jobs and opposing schedules - meaning he's working nights while I'm working days. And one of the two nights he's off, I'm working the evening away at my part time job. In the end we only spend one night a week together, as well as Saturday and Sunday mornings. Sex has become a rarity, and the time we do spend together has become routine - eat a meal together, then split up so he can watch TV and I can get on the computer. While every couple's situation is different, some of these same characteristics probably creep into most long term relationships.

Let's make a check list of some of the things we lose from not having enough time:

-Passionate connection with our partners. Once you settle into the long term and the honeymoon phase is over, we slowly start to sacrifice things that once brought us a deep connection. For example, perhaps your partner goes to work at 6AM and you go to work at 9:30AM. In beginning, you'd get up with your partner, cook breakfast and see him or her off to work before taking a nap and heading to work yourself. Eventually you gave that up in favor of sleep. Or perhaps your partner really enjoys watching TV and while it's not really your thing, you used to sit with him or her and watch TV because you wanted to spend time together. Now you opt to retreat to the computer to get on the internet or play video games because you feel like you never have time for yourself.

-Hot, frequent sex. Not only do we not have a lot of time, but we're also perpetually tired from work. Instead of having sex 4 or more times a week, we might find ourselves only having sex once or twice a week - and when we do it's just the quick old in and out, over in 15 minutes. How many times have you and your partner talked about buying a sexual position book? Or a Liberator product? Then you never do. Or worse, you do and then after trying one position, the book sits on a shelf for three years. Have you ever wanted to explore tantric sex or multiple orgasms and keep saying you'll find the time? What about revisiting the hot 3 hour lovemaking sessions you used to have?

-Self fulfillment. Remember how when you were in the honeymoon phase of your relationship you were on cloud 9? And now you're stressed, tired, unhappy? When we put time and effort into our relationships, they give back to us.

So when are you going to find the time to find some time? It seems like every time I think about it, six months have gone by since I last thought about it. We have to find a way to put the brakes on and reclaim lost love. Don't wait for a tragedy like in "Open Water," or for a divorce or breakup. The time is now.

Now, this little piece of advice is not for the newly committed. You, my friend, are still required to give expensive gifts and creative declarations of love. This article is for the man who’s in an experienced, mature, committed relationship. Well, you don’t have to be that mature, but committed earns you big points. This especially applies to you if you happen to have a couple of little rug rats running around that you’ve created with your lady!

From a woman’s perspective, we want to enjoy getting our groove on as much as men do. The sexy hesitation comes from the overwhelming demands of the regular routine of the week. With work, school, kids, finances, family commitments and household maintenance, sometimes you are just too damn overwhelmed to appreciate what sex can actually do for that stress. What we sometimes need is a little reminder. Just coming out with “Hey baby, it’s been awhile, why don’t we get it on tonight” isn’t going to work. You need to warm her up.

I mentioned doing the dishes. However, that can be translated into anything that you think would get her attention and have her notice that you were thinking of her. It tells her that you want to alleviate something for her to think about, and honestly it shows a hint of appreciation, which in itself is an aphrodisiac. Do this little chore unsolicited and when she least expects it, say on a Wednesday night? There is no greater sexy motivator for a woman than to see something she’s been dreading has already been done for her, and you standing there with a smile! For a woman in a committed relationship this little act translates into romanticism as much as a big bouquet of flowers, maybe even more so! You will more than likely be pleasantly surprised at what a motivator this act can be to a woman.

So take this little piece of advice to heart fellas! The next time you find yourself daydreaming about a nighttime romp with your girl, roll up those sleeves and get busy! If you really want to guarantee some action, clean it up and decorate it with some flowers too. Instead of having to do something she really doesn’t want to do, she’ll be doing you!

There is an infinitely large variety of nonsexual fetishes. Some of the bigger ones are service, objectification, masochism, and some forms of bondage and/or suspension.

My friend Izzy often takes the role as human furniture, an act of service and objectification, for her Master. She will kneel at his feet and be a footstool for him, sometimes a serving tray, a table, or be a table decoration. Izzy says that she feels a sense of satisfaction at being useful to her Master when she performs as human furniture for him. “I don’t have to think, I just have to sit or kneel with my head down and simply be,” Izzy said. Being her Master’s footstool is a pleasurable tangible reminder of the M/s dynamic she has with her Master. It allows her to be centered in the deliberate inequality they have negotiated as part of their relationship.

I often see another friend of mine, Stella, doing a scene that involves either her masochism or her love of rope bondage and suspension. When I asked her about any nonsexual fetishes she had, she mentioned both her masochism and love of rope. “What I experience when I'm in a masochistic scene depends upon the type of scene. With needles, it's very calming and grounding for me. There can be challenges with bigger needles or particular places that they're put, but the overall experience is one of bringing me back to my body and settling into it. Beating scenes are more intense as far as being actively challenging and bringing my fight out. All of my masochistic scenes feel ultimately internally strengthening to me, so there are things I derive from them that have nothing to do with sexual pleasure (and to date, have had nothing to do with sexual pleasure at all).”

Stella said that her feelings about rope scenes come from a totally different place than the internal strengthening of her masochistic scenes. “I routinely get suspended by people who are just friends and also good at rope, and I've had floor work that wasn't at all sexual as well. In those cases, it's fun, playful, and sometimes challenging. I nearly always enjoy the sensations involved with rope play, and those sensations don't need to have anything to do with sexual interaction in order to be fun and feel good. Rope in a sexual space and rope for fun with friends has a very different feel, and I love them both.”

Service and protocol are two other fetishes common in the BDSM community. They focus on an outward showing of existing D/s and M/s dynamics, whether the act or scene is in private or in public. Service activities can include (but are certainly not limited to) serving dinner or tea, cleaning, crafting something, bootblacking (taking care of leather objects), packing your Dominants toy bag before an event, etc. My friend Shelly considers service and protocol to be her “biggest fetish hands down.” Shelly told me that she is planning on hosting a dinner party for some friends where are two submissives will be serving everyone there: “To try and give a specific example, in the next couple of weeks, me and some friends are going to be having a high protocol dinner, with my (one male, one female) submissives in service for the evening. There's going to be between 8 and 12 of us, not including the two of them. The guests are going to be enjoying drinks and conversation and dinner at the end of the night, and the submissives' tasks is to be as attentive to our needs as they can be. Fetching drinks, bringing food, and being as much or as little involved as someone chooses.”

Personally, I am very driven by service. I enjoy feeling useful and bringing enjoyment and simplicity to the life of Rock Napalm, my wonderful Dominant. I also enjoy bondage immensely, and have a growing love of being human furniture and other similar types of objectification. I enjoy pleasing him and knowing that I bring something to the table that makes his life a little simpler, easier, and happier. Nonsexual fetishes can be turn-ons, but they can also give a sense of fulfillment and contentment too. 

Sex dreams can often be an unexpected surprise. They can range from the erotic to the funny to the bizarre, and sometimes they can even end in orgasm. (According to the Kinsey Institute, it is reported that by age 45, 37 percent of women have reached orgasm during a sex dream.)

If you want to increase your likelihood of enjoying sexy slumber, here is some good news: You can increase your sex dreams by sleeping in a certain position. The study, which was published in September in the journal Dreaming, found that people who sleep on their stomachs with their arms above their heads are more likely to have sex dreams than people who do not. They are also more likely to have erotic sex dreams that include activities like bondage or hooking up with a sexy celebrity.

What can account for this link? Researchers theorize that sleeping in this prone position might allow for more genital stimulation (as you are lying directly on your stomach) and that sleeping with your arms above your head might mimic feelings of bondage or intense sex. All this could add up to a night of erotic dreams.

If you want to increase your likelihood of having sex dreams, consider some other possible ways to help ignite your libido, both while you are asleep and awake:

• Sleep in something sexy. Baggy sweats and old flannel pjs might be part of your bedtime routine, but they won’t inspire sexual thoughts before bed. Instead, try wearing a light, sexy nightgown or even sleeping in the buff with your partner. Sleeping with nothing on between you and the sheets will create feelings of sensuality and freedom.
• Have a seductive nighttime routine. Instead of talking about errands and kids right before bed, spark a seductive nighttime routine with your partner. Have time during which you can connect on an emotional level via flirting, kissing, and cuddling as you unwind together. Being present and connected to your partner will not only improve your relationship, it will also inspire deeper sleep and maybe even erotic dreams.
• Keep the kids out of the bedroom. It’s hard to sleep, let alone have sexy dreams, if you and your partner are crowded in your bed by the kids and maybe even a furry friend or two. Cuddling with your kids is important, but it’s also important for them to develop healthy sleep habits and for you and your partner to have “adult” time and space where you can connect as lovers and not just parents. The whole family will end up getting more rest, and you and your partner might just find that your intimacy improves as well.
• Switch off the TV and the laptop. Do this at least an hour before bed. Recent research from the National Sleep Foundation's annual Sleep in America poll shows that two-thirds of people aged 30 to 64 watch television right before bed, while younger people were more likely to spend time on their smartphones or laptops. Not surprisingly, the survey also found that 63 percent of Americans aren’t getting enough sleep, and researchers theorize that the light emitted from television and smartphone screens negatively interrupt our sleep patterns later in the night. Instead of zoning out in front of Leno or typing up work email, shut down the electronics and spoon with your partner.

Try the tips above and listen to music, meditate, or get lost in an erotic novel to help spark some sexy fantasies right before bed. Who knows what sexy dreams your mind will create?

Laura Berman, PhD is a leading sex and relationship educator and therapist, popular TV and radio host, New York Times best-selling author, and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. She is the star of Couples in Crisis, on the Everyday Health Channel, every Thursday at 1 p.m. EST.

Article originally appeared here.

I have spent thousands of hours teaching men. Mostly they come to me because they want to be better lovers. They want to be harder, longer, and they want peak sexual experiences with their partners. The men I work with are concerned with performance. Many of them have anxiety when it comes to pleasure, both their own and their partner's. Almost all of them think that they ejaculate prematurely. Some of them time their performances. Some of them just want to be able to have intercourse for longer than 5 minutes. Some of them last for 30 minutes or more but still believe something is wrong because they aren't at choice when it comes to that "point of no return". I truly agree with Esther Perel. All this worry about lasting, but it's all perspective. What it really comes down to is the ability to choose. The good news is that, yes, men CAN be at choice, it just takes some re-learning, some practice, and definitely some powerful intent.

Here are some guidelines for mastering your ejaculation:

1) Know the Facts - Ejaculation and orgasm are two separate things, controlled by two different parts of your nervous system. It is completely possible to have an orgasm without an ejaculation and an ejaculation without an orgasm. Your pelvis has two important nerves that are also connected to different parts of your nervous system. One of these nerves is more about excitement and stimulation. The other is all about relaxation. This explains why some men need to be more relaxed in order to be in control of ejaculation and other men need tension, yet others need a combination of both. It's important to know that separating orgasm and ejaculation is entirely possible. Just like women, men can have multiple orgasms, and just like men, women can ejaculate. We all have the equipment to make it happen.

2) Look at Your Thoughts - What do you think about sex? What do you think about sex with someone you love and respect? What did your parents teach you about sex? Sometimes how we feel or think about our sexuality can play a role in "involuntary ejaculation". Are you in charge of your desire? Or does shame keep you from acting on your impulses? Often when men can take charge of their sexuality, they can also take charge of their ejaculation.

3) Know Your Body - Do you breathe deeply when you are making love? Where do you hold tension in your body? What happens in your pelvis when you are just about to ejaculate? Most of my students have never thought about these questions. When we start exploring and get them into their bodies many discoveries are made. "If I'm not stimulated visually, I can't feel anything in my genitals!" exclaimed one of my students as he discovered that his ejaculation and level of hardness were connected to what turned him on through his eyes. "I hold my breath the closer I get to orgasm!" exclaimed another student when he realized that the higher his arousal got the more tension entered his body. If you know your body's patterns you can play with changing them, ultimately controlling if you ejaculate at all.

4) Masturbation Is a Training Ground - The way you make love to yourself informs you of the way that you make love with a partner. If you self-pleasure in the same way all the time, you are creating a pattern in your body. If you ejaculate quickly and without intent you are setting yourself up for "involuntary ejaculation". But the good news is that you can use masturbation as a way to create a change. I actually recommend learning to be a master by yourself, before practicing with a partner. Next time you are self-loving, mix it up a bit. Use both hands, use one hand on other places on your body, breathe deeply, use a variety of strokes, play with staying very relaxed, make sound, try sex toys, such as cock rings, vibrators, butt plugs, or prostate stimulators.

The best thing about all of this is that it helps you to discover more about yourself as a sexual being. Men report not only being able to control their ejaculatory response, but they feel more pleasure in their bodies overall. "I started to notice more of everything around me: colors, her smell, even the feeling of my own hands on my body." said one of my students in my Ultimate Lover training program. Most important, give yourself permission to play and practice. For some men it takes time, for others it's an instant. Be easy on yourself and enjoy the process. You can do it, it's just a matter of intent!

How

When the size of the prize leaves her starry-eyed, reverse the standard Wedge/Ramp configuration so that her bottom angles south. That’s the Ramp supporting her upper body. Wedge under her bum, him on top. Two celestial bodies. Hip to hip. Nose to nose.

Why

His cosmic proportions. Some days it hurts so good. Some days it plain hurts. But when she angles down (girlie-goods low on the Wedge, head higher up on the Ramp), she gets good G-spotting and he gets his rocket off without playing pool with her ovaries.

As one of the well-known celebrity voices on the site, Silverstone hand picks and features a selection of products that appeal to her eco-friendly and nature-loving point of view from fashion, cosmetics, natural dietary aids, accessories and sexual health products.

With all six designs in the Leaf collection featured on her site, consumers were interacting and spreading the word through Facebook and OpenSky’s Social Shopping feature.

In a personal write-up written by Silverstone, she said, “There is one personal massager company that’s actually kinder than all the rest … It’s nice to know that you can get your green on and your groove on at the same time!”

OpenSky is a website featuring flash sales on fun, unique and useful products. To take part in these sales, a shopper must apply for a free membership and are only able to see prices once they are approved and logged into this exclusive shopping community.

Shop Leaf

For more information on the Leaf collection, visit LeafVibes.com.

We've all seen it in the movies...

Someone puts on some type of virtual reality suit and logs into a world of technologically simulated sex. He or she either does this alone and bangs an A.I. driven embodiment of his or her desire, or meets up with another real person in cyberspace for mind blowing sex without the worry of STDs. Technology in sci-fi movies often predates and predicts technological developments in the real world, and in the case of cybersex it is no different. Everything has to have a beginning, just like first generation iphones or even primitive PCs back in the early eighties. While these devices may have left something to be desired, they were the beautiful beginnings of the cool gadgets we have today - not to mention those of the future. AEBN's recent introduction of the RealTouch to the adult market is going to be a defining moment in the evolution of cybersex.

The RealTouch is a hands free male masturbation device that realistically syncs up with pre-coded porn. AEBN describes it as "the first adult haptic device for men." This means that if you are watching straight porn, for example, as the female in the video does things to the man's penis, the RealTouch simulates the feeling on your penis. The device accomplishes this by using the combination of a ribbed conveyor belt and and an "orifice" ring that can tighten and move to simulate the point of entry. It also has a lube reservoir that automatically dispenses, sometimes at strategic moments in the synced porn - like when the man's sexual partner spits on his dick during a hand job.

To make things even better, before RealTouch, AEBN was one of the major providers of on demand porn online - meaning they are more than capable of supplying content for their invention. As of this writing they already have 1000 straight videos and 400 gay videos coded for use with the RealTouch.

While some may consider the RealTouch to be more of a novelty and some reviewers have pointed out some drawbacks of the device, we have to remember that this is just the beginning. The first generation of RealTouch is to cybersex what an atari was to gaming consoles. Imagine what AEBN will bring us over the next twenty years. There's already talk of finding ways to sync the device via webcam for live cam sessions. And while RealTouch is aimed at men, one wonders if we might see a similar device for women in the upcoming years.

According to the authors of the study, this suggests that sexual well being is tied to perceived quality of life for all ages. Even though they use the word "perceived," remember that perception creates reality - just think of depression. In light of this study, and more like it to follow, one hopes that our culture will start to place more value on sexual well being. Notice I didn't use the term "sex."

Sexual well being is a broader concept that means different things for different people. For many of us, our sexual well being is integrally tied to the health of our relationships - which most probably has an impact on our quality of life as well.

American culture is obsessed with work and "to do" lists. We're always so busy and trapped in a routine of non-communication with our partners, like two ships passing in the night. Perhaps it's time that we started to add things that foster a healthy relationship and better sex to our "to do" lists. Most busy people seem to be able to fit a workout routine in their schedule, so why not a sex routine? If 61% of women aged 80-89 are having sex, what's stopping couples in their thirties and forties? Probably a lack of communication.

Everything in our lives is interconnected, and having a healthy relationship is akin to having a healthy heart. In addition to making resolutions to start working out, save more money and eat healthier, let's add sexual well being to list and get to work! Just make sure you have lots of fun.

Amateur soccer club Voukefalas, whose players include pizza delivery guys, students, waiters and a bartender, has gained attention not from play on the field, but the sponsor they wear across their chest. While now only allowed to wear during training, Voukefalas' newest sponsors are two local brothels - "Villa Erotica" and "Soula's House of History" - owned by 67-year-old madam Soula Alevridou. 

Prostitution is legal in Greece but currently the league says the sponsorship violates the ideal image it wants to promote. The cash-strapped team doesn't seem to mind. Club chairman and backup goalkeeper Yiannis Batziolas says the amateur ranks have been hit hard by the financial crisis of the country and it's more of a "question of survival."

Alevridou sees it differently. "Here is where it all begins, with amateur sport. It's where the talent is bred," she noted. "I am a Greek woman, and I love my country.

"If we don't help our scientists and athletes, where will we be?" she asked. "Greece has educated people, cultured people and good athletes. It's better to help them than take our money to Switzerland."

The brothel sponsorship over covers about 10 percent of what the club's expenses but it's worth a start. The other thing that ain't bad? 

Alveridou is offering extra incentive to the team: each time they win, the players get "special time" at one of her brothels.

Read the AP report here.

Dear Jaiya,

My husband has lost most of his interest in sex.  What can I do to help him regain interest?

Thank you,

-J

Dear J,

It is so hard when the person that we love and want to connect with physically loses interest in sex.  I know I've been there.  The number one important thing is not to pressure your partner to have sex with you or to criticize them for their lower libido. You have to entice them with appreciation and admiration.  I am wondering though, what may be the cause of your husband's loss of interest?  Has anything happened recently on an emotional level that may have him feeling disconnected from you?

Emotions play a big role in libido, even for men.  If he is really stressed, if something traumatic has happened in his life (loss of job/income, death in the family, moving), or if he is feeling depressed, he may not have much interest in sex.

What is your husband's age?  Has he had is testosterone checked?  Men's testosterone starts to dip as they age.  This can happen slowly and over time with very little notice of side effects.  Low testosterone can affect his active sex drive, his zest for life and his muscle tone.   It could be as simple as getting some bio-identical hormone therapy.  There is also a natural libido stimulant called Maca.  It helps to drive hormones such as testosterone to the right places in the body.  It was a big help to my partner when his libido was low.

This question is the hardest of all:  Is your husband still sexually attracted to you?  I had to face this when my partner of 6 years came to me and told me that he just wasn't attracted to me anymore.  I had other men falling all over me, but he wasn't into me.  It was really hard, yet, we are still together.  Couples often fall out of attraction for each other when they get too close.  Perhaps you need to create a little mystery and obstacle in your relationship.  Does he see everything?  Is he washing your underwear?  Do you have any mystery left in your relationship?  Ask yourself these important questions and get support from someone you trust.

I bet that you have played with restraint at some point during your sexual life.  Have you ever held one of your partner's hands down?  Ever used a tie around your lover’s neck or wrists?  Have you ever used your body weight with your partner underneath you?  I know that some of my most pleasurable moments have been from the sensation of my partner's weight on my body as he moves, or when in a moment of passion my partner grabs my wrist and places it over my head as he ravishes my body.

If you want to play with restraining your partner or being bound yourself, it is important that you get consent and that you create code words or signals that keep it safe for both of you.  My partner and I use colors.  Red means stop.  Yellow means pause.  Green means all is good to go.  If we are using a gag of some kind, then we have the person who is restrained hold an object like a small ball.  If they need to stop all they have to do is drop the ball and that means that they need something.

Here are some guidelines for playing with restraint that take it out of having to know a bunch of rope ties or setting up a dungeon.

Look for easy to use objects you already have around your bedroom.  A tie, a belt, a pillowcase, a sweater, socks, etc. can all become objects that you use to playfully restrain your lover.  A tie can become something you use to bind around the neck.  A belt can restrain wrists or ankles.  A pillowcase might serve as a hood or arm restraint.  A sock or your lingerie might be used as a gag.

Use your body weight and hands.  First of all, be conscious of where you are placing your body weight.  I advise that you make sure you aren't crushing your partner's lungs or hurting them.  Large bony landmarks are good places to start.  Try restraining your lover's hip bones or shoulders.  When you are kissing, hold their jaw or head.  Use your hands to play with restricting their wrists, thighs, or ankles.  If you have agreed and find it erotic, you can also play with hands around their neck, but I don't advise actual choking.  I learned how to do "stage combat" choking when in acting school, and I find using the acting technique just as effective as the real thing.  Use your hands to create a choke around their neck (think of your hands as one unit with your fingers on the sides of their neck), but don't put much pressure on the front of the neck, focus on more on the sides, not squeezing too tight, instead push upward.  You are not tightening around your lover's neck, but giving them just enough sensation on the sides and upwards for them to feel it.

Try some light restraints.  I've tried a bunch of different products out there when it comes to bondage.  There are some that require a lot of learning and some that are really simple.  I like the Liberator Black Label Wedge/Ramp Combo because it is incredibly easy to use.  If you were one of those people who chose Velcro over tying your shoes, you'll love it.  If you can use Velcro and a seat belt you can use the Black Label products.

Pick products that feel good.  Of course this is a personal preference, but I really like being bound by objects that feel good on my skin.  Liberator's Silk Binding Sashescan also be really nice as they are soft and feel wonderful.  So are cuffs and blindfolds that have soft fur or fabric on the inside, like the Pro Cuff Kit available from Liberator(especially the fluffy ones).

Take bondage out of the kinky category.  I really feel that bondage and restraint have been given a bad rap, to the point when most people think of this art, they think it is something they would never do because it belongs in a deep dark dungeon, or as something that is done as a punishment and involves pain.  But I would like to invite you to reframe bondage as a time to play with restraint in a way that is lighthearted and can add a little spice into your sex life.  And if you love the deep dark dungeon, that's great too.  I still invite you to play with elements from the dungeon in different contexts and settings, you never know what you may discover!

Hundreds of police were involved in the raids in Madrid and Barcelona that ensnared Vidal and Chinese mobsters "with warrants to search 120 properties belonging to those suspected of laundering money from prostitution and extortion," according to reports. 

"The national police is carrying out a major operation against money-laundering and other crimes linked to criminal networks of Chinese origin in various provinces of Spain," said Spanish authorities in an official statement.

Operation Emperor seized $7.8 million in cash and the network is alleged to have laundered between 200,000 and 300,000 euros a year through various schemes including prostitution and counterfeit goods while dodging taxes, bribing officials, and forging documents while sending the laundered money back to China. 

Vidal is suspected of operating a company that took part in the money laundering, a court official told the Associated Foreign Press.

For the purpose of my research, I have a boyfriend who loves anal play, so we use it for anal. All of these suggestions could easily be applied to a dildo used for vaginal penetration as well. I'll be using the word “giver” to represent the one wearing the thigh harness, and “receiver” for the one who will be receiving the dildo in the preferred orifice.

First off, one of the easiest positions to perform has to be with the giver sitting on a flat surface with the receiver sitting on the giver's lap. It's extremely easy for the receiver to adjust the stimulation being given (important for anal use) while the giver's hands are free to help support the receiver's body, play with the receiver's breasts, or touch the receiver's (or their own!) genitals. As long as the surface being sat on is relatively comfortable and squishy, the giver's thigh shouldn't feel too uncomfortable under the impact of sex. The receiver can choose to ride up and down on the thigh harness, or another good variation is to choose to move forward and backward in a rocking motion.

Another variation on this position is for the giver to be laying back with their head elevated to watch the action. Easier to watch, but the giver's hands are too far away to provide much extra stimulation now. However, with a slight adjustment of the giver raising their knee to tilt the receiver forward, there's now the possibility of kissing and touching while the receiver can thrust back against the dildo. If the couple is especially adventurous, the receiver can support their weight on their arms and slowly pull their feet up to rest up against the giver's shin. In this position, the receiver is supporting their weight with their feet (against the giver's shin) and on their upper arms. This is definitely an athletic position and can not be held for too long.

For an easier position (and one that makes for good domination for power play), the receiver can bend over a proper height object to expose their genitals. The giver can come up from behind and allow the receiver to insert the dildo into themselves. Once there, the receiver can ride the dildo very easily. (It would be difficult for the giver to thrust well since the thigh doesn't have much of a range of motion.) To increase the feelings of submission, the giver can choose to grip onto the receiver's hips and “force” them back, tangle their hand into the receiver's hair and tug, use a flogger on the receiver's back, or bend over a bit and feel the receiver's breasts or genitals.

Those are only a couple positions that are possible with a thigh harness. Only your creativity limits your possibilities, and these are just a couple that we've discovered after owning a thigh harness for a couple weeks. Other factors to include: how rough the thrusting will be getting, the size of the dildo, lubricant nearby, and discussing the ideas with your partner. Each position will possibly require some adjustments (especially since it can be difficult for the giver to “feel” their dildo), so be open to communication. We know we had quite a bit of fun discovering these positions, so after you give these a try, explore and find some of your own sex positions!

Pull the Ramp to the edge of the bed. She lies back, then shimmies all sexy-like up or down until hers connects with his. She can hug him in tighter with her legs.

Why

Control. Standing up, he’s got more depth control and can exercise every thrusting possibility. Shallow-shallow-deep, shallow-shallow-deep. Or deep-shallow-deep-deep. He can vary his strokes, play with tempo and timing and bring them both to the big finale together. Encore?

We chronicled major tube site PornHub’s recent attempt and subsequent refusal to donate money towards the fight against breast cancer, but another porn site is hoping to launch with a fully altruistic slant.

Come4.org defines itself as a “provocative, radical and disruptive cultural operation” and “the first user-generated, non-profit porn site finalized at funding charitable and ethically driven projects.” The site is still in its investment stages but plans to change the way pornography is most often seen That view is bad.

The Italian designers and developers lay out this pitch for the project:

• People can upload, watch, share and rate self-made erotic porn and sexual contents

• Users can interact together, create groups, and win and distribute awards
  

• Every content get associated with a charitable or ethically inspired cause
  

• Professionals, sex-toys sellers, performers, etc. can upload their sponsored contents; or purchase advertisement at the end/beginning of other videos. Get associated with a charitable or ethically inspired cause
  

• Money generated from the advertisement linked to a content goes to the cause with which such content has been associated in the first place
  

We think that time has come to critically rethink the relationship between the Internet and sexuality, its global impact, role, form and scope. Our promise is that all Come4 cash flow will always be absolutely transparent, the interface will be smooth and friendly, users’ privacy and data will never be exploited, spam and aggressive advertising will never be used, and any inappropriate content involving violence or physical harm will be immediately removed and reported. 

Does Come4.org hold the potential for a new sexual revolution?

Find out more here.

The award recognizes excellence in product innovation, quality, and consumer satisfaction. The company’s president and CEO, Susan Colvin, was also honored with the Business Woman of the Year Award.

Intensity by JOPEN is the break-out pleasure product of the year," said Huda Najebzadeh from EAN Magazine. "Based on the amazing demand for this innovative pleasure product with a sexual wellness component, we’re proud to award it with the Award for Product of the Year."

The company said Intensity targets Kegel muscles to tone and tighten as it delivers pleasurable satisfaction.

“Intensity’s reputation keeps growing and growing on a global scale,” said Robin Stewart, brand manager for JOPEN. "This award is a testament to how popular it has become in Europe and we’re incredibly honored to receive it. Thank you to all the fabulous people at EAN Magazine who made this possible.”

Both awards were presented to the company during the 2012 eroFame Show in Hanover, Germany. This is the second year in a row that Colvin has won the esteemed accolade for Business Woman of the Year.

“How delightful to receive both of these amazing awards,” Colvin said. “The entire JOPEN team should be incredibly proud of the Intensity Award for Product of the Year. I’d like to thank Matthias Poehl, Huda Najebzadeh, and everyone from EAN Magazine. We’re elated, humbled, honored, and thrilled!”

Get your own Jopen Intensity here.

Flu season is upon us, but one thing you won’t have to worry about catching this year is bad sex.

Mary Jo Rapini breaks down how bad sex can happen to all of us, and does, sometimes more often than we like to admit. And it’s not just performance that leads to bad sex. Rapini says little things can leave a bad taste in your lover’s mouth, such as too much alcohol, not wearing deodorant, etc.

Don’t worry about sex being bad, worry about not acknowledging it. Not letting your partner know what’s affecting you and how you feel can break apart a relationship. As Rapini says, “Bad sex can infect a marriage, but only lack of intimacy can kill it.”

As hard as it can be to talk about sex with your partner, you’ll both be better for it in the long haul.

Read the whole article here.

There’s an old truism that goes “Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.” Call me a sexist if you like, but trite sayings carry kernels of truth. More often than not in the mating game, men are the hunters, women are the game.

You can call it seduction, mood enhancement or simply salesmanship. In the interest of promoting connubiality, we offer the following 5 M to F romance tips, all of which have been endorsed by our in house LLL (Luscious Liberator Lady Advisory Board.

1. Food is love: I don’t mean a bowl of chili and a six pack. Dinner out is OK, but we’re not shooting for OK. Dinner in is special. Dinner in can be sexy if you bring it up a notch. Invite her over for a personally prepared meal. This shows you care about her, and are willing to spend some time before. You don’t need a Cordon Bleu certificate, but you do need to do some planning. A salad and spaghetti on a red checked tablecloth has irresistible charm. First find out what she likes, and more importantly, what she doesn’t like. Avoid heavy, high fat foods and keep the portions modest or you’ll both want to take a siesta when you’re done. Next, set the stage. You know, flowers, candles, wine. Change venues for dessert, like barefoot on the floor in front of the fireplace or maybe bonbons in a bubble bath.

2. Gift like a pro: When I bought Aunt Franny’s mandatory birthday present, the sales clerk asked if I wanted it wrapped as a gift. “Uh, can you wrap it as an obligation?” I asked. When you give flowers or candy on Valentine’s Day, they fulfill an obligation. No pain and no gain. But when you give flowers “because it’s Monday” and have them delivered to her office, you light a fire that keeps on burning. All the other women will be jealous as hell, and she’ll love it.

3. Dreams can be sexy: Go to a movie and see some hot stars, you rate a C+. Take her outside on a summer’s night, lie on a blanket and watch the meteors shower. Before you go, invest a half hour learning what you’re going to be looking at. (Disclaimer: This doesn’t work if your honey is an astrophysicist.) No one can stare at the heavens and not become inspired, and inspiration is a seductive feeling.

4. Real men wear pink: Confidence is a turn-on. Be careful not to cross the line to arrogance. Confidence is a relaxed self assurance. Arrogance is when it’s broadcast at 50,000 watts. Are you comfortable in a pink sweater? Redford was in “The Great Gatsby” and I bet he’s scored more than you. Do you need a Hummer to compensate for certain other shortcomings? A confident man can politely and quietly return a bottle of wine. The arrogant man complains loudly.

5. Share her interests and you may share her sheets: I know it’s not your first choice, but go shopping for clothes with her. If she loves shoes (what woman doesn’t?), get down on your knees and slip one on her foot. Great chance to apply a soft squeeze to her calf. If you’re taking a drive in the country, stop to browse at an antique store. If you can forget about making time, you could end up making time. These little side steps help you learn more about her, and let her see there’s more to you than basketball and sweat socks.

Congratulations, guys. By sticking with these tips to the very end, you’ve shown your caring and romantic nature. Now let’s get back to Earth, go to Hooters and get drunk.

Check to see what type of material your vibrator or dildo is made of. PVC, polystyrene and phthalates are often found in toys and can be potentially toxic or just extremely susceptible to bacteria growth.

Phthalates are large culprits of the problem. Phthalates have been linked to potentially causing birth defects and some forms of cancer. Some sex toys have contained as much as 60 percent phthalates where children’s toys with less than 1 percent phthalates are considered “worrisome.” And you’re sticking this in your body.

Metro put together a good list of things to look and look out for in a sex toy.

AVOID sex toys made out of these products

• phthalates: "plasticizer" softeners used in PVC
• polystyrene
• "jelly"
• "porous" materials

ENJOY sex toys made from these materials

• medical or food grade, non-porous materials, ideally hypoallergenic
• hard plastic
• high-quality silicone
• glass
• surgical steel
• ceramic
• medical grade plastics

One 2007 study said 63% of male millionaires and 88% of female millionaires say they enjoy better and more adventurous sex. Another 2009 study said women receive more joy from sex when the partner they "hook up" with is rich. 

Kerner points to the fact that money can lessen the stress of everyday life that plagues many, leading to more enjoyable experiences all-around, not excluding sexual encounters. But don't be discouraged if you aren't wealthy (we aren't either). Another study says increasing sex from once a month to once a week creates a boost in happiness similar to making $50,000 more per year. 

Learn more about this fascinating correlation here.

Dr. Debby Herbenick answers: 

That’s my research!

Together with a colleague, we conducted a study on what we call exercise-induced orgasms and exercise-induced sexual pleasure.

(Exercise-induced sexual pleasure is when individuals feel aroused or excited during exercise and may even come close to experiencing orgasm, but don’t actually have one.)

This can happen during a number of types of exercise, including crunches, Captain’s chair abdominal exercises, biking, spinning, pull-ups, chin-ups, yoga, running, flexed arm hang exercises, and more.

Though our initial study was focused on women’s experiences of orgasms and sexual pleasure during exercise, we’ve heard from a number of men who describe having experienced it themselves (often while climbing or doing pull-ups, chin-ups, sit-ups or other core abdominal exercises).

We don’t fully understand how it happens yet, but we’re working on it!

In the mean time, you can read more about these so-called “coregasms” (which get their popular name from the association with core muscular exercises) in my newest book, Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered-For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.

Dr. Deddby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph. D.) is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Originally posted July 5, 2012 at kinseyconfidential.org

What is sex positive anyway? Our friend Wikipedia defines it as "an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality" and "is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation."

On the surface, sex positive is about not being sex negative, which is the attitude of lots of people. Not only do they have strict limits for themselves under which sex may take place, but they expect everyone else to abide by those same self-imposed limits. Those limits come in many different flavors:

-no sex before marriage.
-no sex that doesn't have procreation as a goal.
-no sex while completely naked (for very conservative sects).
-one must shower after sex because it's dirty.
-women shouldn't derive pleasure from sex.

And the list of negativity goes on. Once again, if you are on this site reading this article, this probably isn't you and you would probably consider yourself to be sex positive. You likely don't believe in the above "rules" and you don't really care what others do sexually. So you are sex positive right?

From group to group and individual to individual, sexual conservatism takes on different forms. For example, if we take a progressive church, they most likely believe that sex isn't dirty and is meant to be enjoyed, but still believe in sex only after marriage. If we take a look at sexual liberals in general, while they seem to be sex positive, they too have lots of hang ups. How many women have refused to date bisexual men? How many liberals frown upon polyamory and open relationships? And sure, unlike the conservatives, liberals aren't going to go charging in to stop other people's sexual practices, but that doesn't mean these social pariahs don't exist in liberal circles, to be discussed in hushed tones. It also means that if ever legal threeway (or more) marriage ever came up for vote, many liberals probably wouldn't be voting yes. But if we really are sex positive and don't care about what other people do, why are we trying to impose our limits on them?

Let's talk about limits and rules for a moment. While the social aspect of sex positivity is important, the personal aspect and the way it plays out in our relationships is as well. Remember when you first started sleeping with your partner and anything went? You were willing to be adventurous, take risks, and occasionally slip outside your comfort zone for the sake of exploration? In lots of long term relationships this dissipates and sex becomes a matter of convenience. For example, one partner approaches the other and says it would be a good idea to do something really different and have sex in their fenced in back yard. The other partner replies that it would simply be too much trouble and they should just watch TV instead. And let's not even get into the topic of anal sex - for both men and women. How often in our relationships do we fall into routine because anything else sexually is just too much trouble? And how unwilling are we to explore new things, even those our partners are interested in?

Being sex positive is about keeping a spirit of openness and exploration. Why so serious? It's just sex. If you try something a little outside of your comfort zone and the experience isn't so good, just laugh about it. And if something is outside your comfort zone, ask yourself why that is and the answer may allow you to turn something negative into something positive.

Certainly there are some readers who have largely overcome these obstacles in their relationships, but if we all dig deep, there's at least one thing (and probably more) that we still have reservations about. It's important to never stop exploring - in our relationships, our sex lives, and getting to know our partners. So be sex positive!

Conducted using 205 18 to 85 year olds in Germany, participants were given a Blackberry mobile device and asked to let the researchers know every 30 minutes if they had desires to do a various amount of activities like check their social media pages, and to mentally document other urges like smoking, drinking, and sleeping.

The researchers found resisting temptations to use pages like Twitter, Facebook and other social media was harder to resist than smoking, drinking alcohol and even sleeping. The study also found that even though urges for sex and sleeping were stronger for people than temptations to check social media, resisting social media was a much harder task to achieve.

Work was also found to be hard to resist. 

“Resisting the desire to work was likewise prone to fail,” said Wilhelm Hofmann, lead author of the study. “In contrast, people were relatively successful at resisting sports inclinations, sexual urges and spending impulses, which seems surprising given the salience in modern culture of disastrous failures to control sexual impulses and urges to spend money.

“Desires for media may be comparatively harder to resist because of their high availability and also because it feels like it does not cost much to engage in these activities, even though one wants to resist."

Obviously the Internet and accessibility such as home entertainment systems have played a large part in the expansion of porn, but the rise of alternative and niche porn has also mainstreamed, and simultaneously sent parts of the industry underground.

The Next Web profiles the increase in porn proliferation that also happens to correspond with the rise of alternative channels of production and subject matter. Writer Lauren  Hockenson uses now-powerhouse of untraditional beauties Suicide Girls as the seminal example of a niche company that finds its market and flourishes. Suicide Girls has gone from home operation to big business over the last ten years.

Also noted is Kink.com, which goes as far as to include a “Model’s Bill of Rights” ensuring that all models are there on their own volition and are enjoying the acts.

“The whole time it’s so apparent that the girls are so into it,” says Karley Sciortino, writer and creator of sex and erotica blog Slutever. “The porn stars talk about the experience and they always say they have the most amazing time during it and they orgasm during it. That’s the kind of BDSM porn I want to see.”

And according to the article, and pretty much any person you ever talk to, that’s the kind of porn everyone wants to see. Enjoyable, mutual acts played out in front of them.

Further on, Hockenson references other sites such as X-Art.com and the influx of amateur “hub” sites receiving extraordinary amounts of traffic.

Really what it boils down to is people have been ready for consensual, loving, non-mass produced pornography and are embracing the fact that it is finally very easily available.

He’s got the  Stage  centered on their bed. She hops on, straddling it, and wiggles her booty to beckon him in. He slides into the driver seat, and they take a little trip, take a little trip, take a little trip and see.

Why

Frees the knees for knockin’ boots doggie-styled. She’s open for more than one entry and long overdue for more than one orgasm (and plenty comfortable to stay put all night long).

Do I start talking about how I first discovered my ejaculating orgasm while having phone sex in my early twenties, masturbating with a curved G-spot vibrator  and leaving a small wet spot the size of a silver dollar?

Or should I start earlier, explaining where I learned that female ejaculation, which some call “squirting”, is not pee but a watery release originating in the urethral sponge which fills with fluid when aroused? Well, Jaiya’s article “Are You Peeing or Ejaculating?” does a stellar job explaining the how and what. Perhaps I should just jump forward -- past all the towels, sheets, protective sheets, doggy pee pads and bedwetting mattress covers -- to my first time seeing a throe laid out before me by Iron Slut sex educator Reid Mihalko as I bottomed for a fisting/female ejaculation demo led by Dylan Ryan.  I looked at the material and I thought:  "Now this--THIS is what my life has been missing."  And I came. And the class was enthralled.

And the only mess that was made was contained in sopping wet glory between my satisfied cunt and the wonder that is this… this awesome blanket.  Hey where did you get this thing?

I’m following Liberator on Twitter. They’re following me. I made an inquiry and got my very own throe in gorgeous black shag. It came in the mail right in time because the next day I had a porn shoot for a new website called QueerPorn.TV. My co-star Papi Coxxx and I are switches who squirt. So I brought it to set and Papi and I took turns coming over the throe, which fit perfectly over a large leather modern love seat. We thrust gloved fingers and later fists into one another, rode our strap-ons hard, and gushed in multiplicity. Yet not a surface was dampened, unless you count our soaking wet skin.

After the shoot, I rolled and folded the throe with the dampness turned inside and tucked it into my shoulder bag (it folds down to fit in something slightly smaller than a grocery bag) and took it home to cold wash/tumble dry.

At this point I’m already head over heels in love with the thing.  Don’t believe me? What if I told you I bought one for a friend the very next week, in leopard.

If you want to know more, click on over to the Fascinator Throe product page and watch Liberator’s rockin’ infomercial. (I just spent a good portion of an hour watching their great videos.) And if you like adult movies, check out future scenes I do and look for a black shag cameo, because I swear I’m taking this thing with me everywhere from porn shoots to more private places the camera is not allowed to go.

Would you believe me if I told you I was even laying on the throe as I type?

You tell me…

Popular tube site PornHub began running a promotion on its website at the beginning of October offering to donate $0.01 for every 30 views it received on “Small Tits” and “Big Tits” for the month to the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

A penny might not sound like much, but considering the traffic PornHub sees those 30 views will accumulate quickly. Unfortunately, the Komen Foundation decided it didn’t want to be a part of the promotion. A spokesperson said this:

"We are not a partner, not accepting donations, and have asked them to stop using our name."

So maybe it is a partner issue, but who is Komen to refuse a donation? Do they see it as “dirty money?” Pornhub hasn’t been affected and is instead looking for another charity to take its money.

Have you ever seen anything like this? PLEASE TAKE OUR MONEY!

Infidelity is common in scenarios where one or both sexual partners become fed up with plain vanilla missionary. Sometimes, the couple just resigns themselves to erotic entropy, and embraces a sort of marital celibacy typified by the nightly ritual of ‘reading magazines’ or ‘checking the scores on ESPN.’ In this instance, going to sleep unfulfilled is preferable to even trying.

For those of you out there who want to tell me how love can sustain itself over decades, allow me to offer you the following completely non-scientific statistical breakdown:

-4% of the population falls in love and remains in love the rest of their lives

-21% of the population commits suicide after one too many viewings of the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan comedyYou’ve Got Mail

-25% of the population masturbates more than three times a day

-3% of the population is asexual

-40% of the population has boring, meaningless sex until they die

-7% of the population has casual, freaky fetish sex with multiple partners until they die of being too happy

The goal of every human reading this article should be to get in that 11% of the globe that either finds a soulmate or fucks a neverending series of holes with verve and vigor.

The easiest way to go about joining the 11 percent (which is far more vital to the national discourse than the 99 percent or the 47 percent) is through the back door. Anal sex is the first stop on the Save My Relationship World Tour.

On more than one occasion, a woman has asked me if I wanted to do “butt stuff” when it became clear that coitus wasn’t cutting it anymore. Assplay is a logical next step in a male/female sexual relationship. It’s taboo; it’s still kind of like standard heterosexual fucking since it’s also about putting something inside a hole and most importantly, the difficulty level is high. Quality, efficient buttsex comes around about as often as the Aurora Borealis or a black Mormon.

Sometimes, when all hope seems to be lost and the world is shrouded in darkness, my female sexual partner will ask to give rather than receive. I am the sort of person who assumes that each girlfriend I have will be my last, so I do everything in my power to ensure that I don’t get dumped. I do laundry more frequently. I start cooking dinner. I forgo watching sporting events. I floss. I seriously consider putting things in my ass.

“Butt stuff” takes many forms. Some maneuvers are more elaborate than others. All require a man far more coordinated than me to perform them successfully.

Fingering

The first time I had a finger in my ass was the last time I called 911 after having sex. No one is supposed to have a panic attack when making love, yet as soon as I felt a knuckle grazing my taint, I started to seize up. I survived, but my girlfriend’s finger did not come back from the journey unscathed. In order to better cope with assplay, I’ve taken to saying the alphabet backwards as a means of relaxation.

Ass Licking

Ass licking is relatively unobtrusive, in that it does not include penetration. At the same time, it’s not actually that exciting. Anilingus is the cotton candy of assplay. It’s a novelty that’s fun once. In the autobiography of my asshole, titled What About My Sphincter? the chapter on ass licking will be the shortest, but also the one with the most illustrations.

Random Object Insertion

Any household object can become a sex toy. A TV remote control, a broomstick, a rolled up New Yorkermagazine, a signed home run ball from Barry Bonds or a gerbil can hypothetically be inserted into an asshole. The pleasure here doesn’t necessarily come from the actual act of shoving something up your ass. It is derived from realizing that you are clever enough to figure out how to get these myriad objects inside such a snug, small hole. This activity stimulates the same area of the brain that responds to crossword puzzles, Rubik’s cubes, Sudoku, and assembling IKEA furniture.

Pegging

If you know what pegging is, you’ve probably pegged or been pegged before. In this scenario, a woman fucks a man with a strap-on dildo. Rumor has it that pegging can be physically pleasurable for the woman due to the stimulation of the clitoris by the base of the dildo. I classify this as a rumor because no woman has ever admitted to me that this is true. Ladies, until you prove it to me in person, I just won’t believe it.

Watching Another Guy Fuck Me in the Ass

If you have gotten to this stage with your girlfriend, it means you are too far gone to ever be happy again. You are only a step away from fucking a corpse at the scene of a car accident. Adding another person to a sexual fantasy is an admission that boredom has set in. Adding another person of the same sex means the new participant in the equation must look as different from your significant other as possible. Adding voyeurism on top of all that means you’d absolutely rather be watching porn than joining genitals with your partner.

For the record, I said no to this request from my girlfriend. A few weeks later, she dumped me, claiming that she felt a “distance between us.” I’m sure the distance would have been much less had I agreed to allow her to watch me get fucked by someone else.

Let this be a lesson to you. Relationships are about doing things you don’t want to do. Sometimes that means taking out the trash. It could also mean barebacking with a 43-year-old man named Clarence. 

By Dave Schilling

Originally published by Vice Magazine, October 3, 2012

NEW YORK — A New York City transgender woman has won insurance coverage for her sex change operation.

The Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund said Wednesday MVP Health Care agreed to cover the doctor-recommended procedure for Ida Hammer.

It had originally denied her claim on the grounds it was "cosmetic," and therefore not covered under her policy.

The 34-year-old patient had applied for pre-authorization for her male-to-female sex reassignment surgery in July 2011.

TLDEF said that after denying two appeals, MVP reversed its decision and deemed the surgery medically necessary.

MVP didn't immediately respond to a call and email seeking comment.

The American Medical Association recommends insurance coverage for sex reassignment. But only a small number of companies actually provide it.

Copyright The Associated Press

In two recent and very different cases, we’ve got some sexual miscreants who’ve been busted in public libraries around the country.

On the humorous end, there’s the cam girl who’s been outed for using a Cornell library as a set for her show. Posters on a university message board used the library’s distinctive yellow chairs and decoration to identify the setting as Carpenter Hall, Cornell’s engineering library. The same posters have also deduced the cam girl is “Cameron Knight,” who has fapped her way to Big Red fame.

On the serious and disturbing end, there’s the registered sex offender who was caught using a Louisville, Kentucky public library’s computer to view child pornography he brought in on his own USB memory drive. I mean seriously, could you think of a worse place to be doing this? Luckily the man was apprehended after library staff noticed the pornography and contacted police.

Goes to show what some people consider as taking advantage of library resources is. We’ll stick to the periodical section.

He’s laid back, comfortable-cool chillin’ on the Ramp. His head is tilted ever so slightly on the Wedge so he can see every bit of the show he’s about to get. She slides in between his knees, teases him here and there, then starts the knob gobbling.

Why

It’s his birthday. He did the dishes. He said those jeans make her ass look incredible. Or she knows how much he likes to watch her magical mouth work his wand.

I didn't start ejaculating until I was almost thirty; it took me a year and help from a willing partner to learn how to let those waters flow.  My cheeks flush, I feel a rush through my body and I giggle, a lot.  Every time I ejaculate, I have to tell myself that it isn't pee.  I get self conscious, and I think to myself "what if this time it really is pee?" But it never is.  It's always that deliciously sweet divine nectar with a scent of the forest after a summer rain.

I get a lot of questions about female ejaculation.  What is it?  Where does it come from?  Isn't it just pee?  How do I learn to do it?  How do I get my girlfriend to do it?  As usual, there is a lack of research available when it comes to deep understanding about the physiology behind female ejaculation.  Here's my understanding from my experience of learning myself and my "hands on" experience helping many women and couples to experience this type of orgasm.

Ejaculate from a woman differs from the ejaculate that comes from a male body.  First of all, there isn't any sperm in the fluid; it is mostly a watery substance that comes from our blood.  The G-spot, also known as the urethral sponge, is a tube of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra.  Inside of the urethral sponge are paraurethral tubules that sit next to the erectile capillaries.  As the capillaries fill with the blood, liquid from the blood crosses into the paraurethral tubules, filling the sponge with ejaculate.  The ejaculate enters the urethra through paraurethral ducts, and if the conditions are right, this fluid is expelled through the urethra (the opening just above the vagina).  Otherwise it is pushed back into the bladder, where it is urinated out later.  According to Sheri Winston, author of "Women's Anatomy of Arousal", it works very similarly to the "let down" that happens when a woman is breastfeeding.  I have to say that in my own body it does feel a lot like that.  I can feel my urethral sponge filling with fluid and there is such a relief when that fluid is released.  This tells me that oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone, may play a role in female ejaculation, which explains why many women need to feel safe and connected before they can ejaculate.

Female ejaculate does come out of the urethra (where you pee from), which is why many women are afraid that they are peeing.  But what is interesting to me, and one of the things that tells me that it definitely isn't pee, is that it just keeps coming and coming and coming.  Sometimes I wonder how my body can produce that much fluid.  When you go pee you urinate until there is nothing left except for a small amount of residual pee.  But when a woman ejaculates she can keep going and going and going.  In my experience each ejaculation gets bigger and bigger and bigger.  Sometimes the first ejaculation is just a little trickle, but by the fifth orgasm is might be a small bucket's worth of liquid.  This is one major clue to the fact that female ejaculation isn't pee.

What should you do if you are worried about the "pee factor"?  First and foremost, if you are a woman, you might want to try ejaculating by yourself, so that you can see that you aren't peeing.  Try it in the shower or the bathtub.  I find that water really helps me to relax and let go.  If you are a man and your partner wants to ejaculate, you can make her feel at ease by letting her know that you don't care if she does pee on you, and reassure her that most likely it won't be pee.  If it's the mess you are concerned about I highly recommend the Liberator Fascinator Throe.  I use the throe when working with couples and they always exclaim how great it was for them to be able to relax and not worry about making a mess.  It also saves your sheets and makes cleaning up really easy.  You can also have some extra towels on hand to wipe off with if things get really messy.  Mess can be fun too!

In the last year each brand has released a revamped versions of their most popular couple's toys with more modes and greater intensity. The We-Vibe 3 joins Lelo by adding a remote control and Lelo’s Tiani 2 adds Sense Motion to its remote’s function. 

Add either of these to your lovemaking for playful variety and pleasure for both partners.

Our Verdict:

LELO Tiani 2 with its smaller “C” shape and softer silicone material the Tiani 2 allows for more comfort during use. The two attachments and various modes make the product feel like new every time.  By adding sense motion to the remote partners are more in tune with one another for more sensual lovemaking. 

Our suggestion: Ladies wear the Tiani while giving oral and He can give you pleasure too!

We-Vibe 3’s straight forward control is the highlight of the.  The two motors give this a one of a kind design  which delivers the friction and pressure needed to stimulate her g-spot, while the intense power will rival her favorite toys.

Our suggestion: “We Time becomes Me Time” Doubles as a fun addition for self-masturbation for him and her. Gentleman, use as a stroker and ladies, pair this with your Liberator BonBon for “One Sweet Ride”!

Chaves said this was an issue of sexual confidence. On one side was her, finding confidence and wanting to try sex toys, and the lack of confidence on his side, creating inferiority complexes. The doctor also said worrying about such would be futile:

Here’s a tip that most men don’t know: Those sex toys -- the ones that on the surface make some men feel jealous, angry or inferior -- can become our biggest allies in bed. Don’t waste your time worrying if you compare or stack up to a toy. You don’t get angry at your car for being able to get you to work faster than your legs. Why get mad at a sex toy? It’s just doing its job and trying to help you and your partner out. 

He continued saying women will brag to their friends about how great a lover their man is when sex toys are being used.

We don’t know ifChaves can speak for women, and neither will we try to, but we’d agree that sex toys in the bedroom are nothing but a great idea. And don’t think that only sex toys for her can be used. Think about a We-Vibe 3 or Lelo Tiani 2, the perfect toy to give both partners pleasure.

Read Dr. Chaves’ full response here.

He's 57-years-old. He's an amateur adult performer and producer. He's also the man who breaks the news in the porn world.

South was the first to reveal famed male star Mr. Marcus as the source of a syphillus outbreak that put the porn industry on hold several weeks ago. It's not the first time the Atlanta-based South has been at the front of a story.

Gawker profiles South in an article that sheds light on a whole new kind of "celebrity" gossip. 

Read www.MikeSouth.com here.

Playboy released its Top 10 Party Schools  list. The list that frat bros and high school juniors will use to decide which American university is the best at getting wasted. Buried under the lead, however, is a more important peice of info. Which college campus has teh best sex life?

While the University of Virginia took the prize for top party school, the other "Public Ivy" a little further south took the prize for best sex life. The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is apparently having a better time ending their nights. Playboy had this to say:

Tar Heel women possess a trio of virtues: They're plentiful (outnumbering male students 10 to seven), they're beautiful (ranking among the best looking, according to student-generated website College Prowler), and they're progressive.

Sure this is Playboy so it has a major male slant to the story, but this seems like it might be a good sign for the entire campus. Plus it's a way better determiner of what you should be looking for in a school.

What univerisities would make the list of best sex life for female students?

• Kiss in unusual positions.  One of you lie on your back, while the other does the yogic "plank pose" or a push up over top of him, come down to kiss your partner and then push back up. (Push ups burn 171 calories in 30 minutes.)  This will more than double the calories that you burn during kissing.  For a less strenuous exercise, simply use your hands while kissing vigorously.  Massage his head, the back of his neck or his shoulders while you kiss. Giving a massage burns approximately 80 calories per hour.

• Just dance!  Slow dancing can burn 103 calories in 30 minutes, so you can draw it out and make it part of your foreplay, while getting a great workout going.  And if you happen to have a pole to spin around on, that number can double!  Dress sexy to tease him.  The art of the strip is in the tease.  Here's a tip. Wear some great heels and something that makes you feel sexy.  Sit him in a chair.  Stand in front of him with your back to him.  Look over your shoulder into his eyes while you slowly spread your legs.  Place your thumbs in your pants or panties and very, very slowly squat while pulling them partially down.  Come back up and pull them up as you turn to face him.  Install a pole in your bedroom and you can really burn some calories!

• Try new positions.  There are a lot of ways to burn more calories during sex.  Positions are one great way and there are lots of great positional aids like Liberator  to help.  Movement is most effective.  If you are on top, try moving your hips like a belly dancer; this feels great and gives you a work out.  Women can also try a position where you squat on top of him and then bounce up and down--I call this the Sumerian Squat in my book.  This is a great workout for your thighs and butt, and it can burn up to 207 calories in 30 minutes.

• A new type of oral workout.  Guys, for an oral workout, do push ups over her in a 69 position.  If you are on top, you get the best workout.  When you come down, you get to lick each other's nether regions.  You can also do a little yoga; try plank position into downward facing dog, back into plank where you can lower down and do some oral stimulation.  Add 171 calories (30 Minutes) for the push ups and then 135 calories (30 minutes) for stretching and you are racking up some major fat burning. 

More important than burning calories or making it a workout, pay attention to your body, have fun and play!  Playing is the best workout because you enjoy it and will do it for a longer amount of time!  Try it, have more sex, get fit, and then have more sex!  It's formula for fun and success!

When I was in college I saw a movie that really got me to notice just how sexy words can be, especially when they are said in just the right way. I decided to find out if words could bring someone to orgasm. The movie is Threesome, which stars Stephen Baldwin, Josh Charles, and Laura Flynn Boyle. The scene takes place in a library; Laura Flynn Boyle sees Josh Charles reading, she gets up on the table and crawls towards him. She gets him to read to her, she loves big words and as luck would have it, he is reading a book with, of course, big words. She gets very turned on as he reads, and she displays her pleasure by writhing around on the table. Now, with my being a bit of a bookworm, I found myself aroused by the idea of big, sensual words, and wanting to play out this scene!

So fast forward a few years. I have a lover who is really into using explicit talk. He shows me a film (Fall) and I see another scene which confirms my turn-on for words. Imagine this: a wild chemistry between a cab driver and a supermodel leads to his having her pressed up against a refrigerator and using not much more than words to turn her on. She gets so hot that she comes. I was ready to try it.

First I had to set the stage and create a safe place for me to feel comfortable exploring this. It is not always easy to just jump into something new when it comes to sexual play, so it is important that you learn how to set parameters that are going to create “turn on’s” rather than “turn off’s”. In my particular situation I didn’t want anything degrading, I didn’t want to be called names, and I preferred descriptions of what might be done to me. I also felt safe with fantasy talk. So number one, you must create your boundaries. Ask yourself what will turn you on most. Do you like being called “Slut” or “Whore”? Would you rather hear descriptions of what she is going to do to you- “I’m going to stick your big cock in my mouth”? Do you want sweet nothings whispered in your ear: “I will love you until tears fall from your eyes”?

Also, it is important to agree upon who will be doing explicit talk. Will you banter back and forth? Will one of you just listen while the other penetrates with language? If you are a giver it is important to keep within the parameters set by your partner.

As foreplay, you will enjoy making a list of words with your partner that particularly get the heat rising. Try a list of arousing words (lover, sexy, fuck), or provocative words (whore, pussy, cock), hypnotic words (magic, imagine, now) or words that paint particular images (red hot, eternity, spicy). Here is an example of what one lover said to me that melted my heart and made my nether regions gush. When we finished making love I made him write what he remembered down for me:

There is an eternity of you to devour,
I shall savor the tastes of your infinite spice,
As I take each bite slowly turning it in the moist cave of my senses,
There shall I discover I know you and I can never know all of you,
There in the folds of your flavors shall I come to know the depths of wonder,
That is you.

You can also begin explicit talk before you are even in each other’s presence. Texting can be a very effective form of arousal. All you need is a phone with text capability and a little creativity, and you are off to a modern form of sexual play. Once when I was a traveling I shared some sex messaging [Ed. note: Otherwise known as “sexting”.] that made me so hot I couldn’t wait to get back to my lover. He told me all the things he would do to me when I returned, and I was dripping with anticipation. When I was in his physical presence I had one of those movie experiences, where the words combined with anticipation had me in orgasmic bliss in an instant.

So in the end my research paid off. And I’m forever grateful for those first few introductions into the world of “sex talk.”

Do you remember your first time? How much did you know about sex then? I was lucky that my first lover was from Sweden, and he'd had some education. He at least knew how to put on a condom and make it all very romantic.

What surprises me is that most sex educators still don't have much information. How is the general public supposed to learn about sex if the sex educators don't know about sex? Your gynecologist (or your wife's) doesn't even know all of the anatomical structures of the vagina and how they work. (Believe me, I have a number of gynos coming to see me for education!) And sex therapists aren't asking the right questions, especially when it comes to libido.

A lot of people out there think that they know everything about sex. But let me tell you that I will never stop learning about sexuality, and I know a lot. There's a lot to learn and there's a lot to discover. From human desire to sex toys, it's an amazingly rich world. If you think you know it all, most likely you and your partner are missing out on all that is erotically possible.

More important than any technique you read in Cosmo, or any book you pick up on giving her "mind-blowing orgasms", your own body is the ultimate learning laboratory. If you want to learn about sex, start with your own body. Know your anatomy! Find out what kind of touch you like best, see how many orgasms you can have in one self-love session. Once you've learned how to play your own body then it's time to learn your partner's.

Exploration is key when it comes to learning about sex. Play and have fun as you discover what turns your partner on. Maybe it's a touch, or a look, or something naughty whispered in their ear. Take time to learn and to continually discover; it's so worth it.

In 2003 LELO upped the game of personal pleasure with an elegant design aesthetic and the highest quality materials available, completely revamping the market. And they continue to create innovative products with intuitive interfaces, high power motors that are whisper quiet, and food-grade silicon.

LELO began in Sweden, and still hold offices there. However, the manufacturing of their products happens in America. As a vertically integrated company they are able to ensure only the highest quality components are used in the making of their products, without the middleman. Lack of a middleman means they pass on their savings to their customers, which is always a good thing.

LELO offers a vibe for everyone. If discretion is your concern check out the Siri, Mia, Nea, and Lily. If you want something geared for your G-spot, give the Gigi a go. Want a playful rabbit-style vibe? Check out the Ina 2. Looking for something waterproof? Check out the Insigna line (Isla, Soraya, Alia) and the new Insignia Bluetooth powered remote controlled Lyla 2, Oden 2, and Tiani 2. And don’t forget the Homme line, complete with male G-spot massagers (vibrating and non) and vibrating gentlemen’s rings.

LELO offers a one-year manufacturer warranty standard with all personal pleasure objects. But if you register your personal pleasure object online at www.lelo.com within the first year, they have a 10 year warranty program which allows you to replace an item for half the price for up to 10 years! That’s what I call standing behind the quality of your product.

But don’t be fooled, LELO is not just about vibrating toys. Scented massage oils are a great way to relax and relieve stress, and also to get you in the mood for a little erotic play with your partner. The soy massage candles are also great for traditional or erotic massage. As the candle burns the wax becomes liquid. Drizzle the wax onto your partner, holding the candle 4-6 inches above their body for a luxurious, warm soy-based massage lotion.

Lelo has something for everybody!

Doc Johnson was the first maker of the venerable Rabbit vibrator, has signature lines with adult film stars Jenna Jameson, Sasha Grey, Kobe Tai and more and not to mention debuted the discreet Pocket Rocket vibrator on the world. The company continues to push the bounds of adult toys as evident by its iRide programmable, ride-able, rocking vibrator.

The noises that come from her are those of ecstasy, and I know that she's so very near the precipice, that all it will take is a willingness to throw herself over to the other side. To at last experience that which she craves. It's why she tasked me with this, in fact, because I'm good at it. A G-spot whisperer perhaps, should anyone be willing to take themselves so seriously as to call themselves such things. She called me that with a wink over coffee when she asked me for the favor.

"I heard you can," she said.

"I've been known to," I replied.

For me it's the chase, and why I don't generally get involved unless I see the willingness to make the run with me. Some women are so ghastly afraid of their own bodies that there's no way I'd ever be able to coax even the tiniest squeak out of them, let alone the rushing waters of the G-spot orgasm. And now, I run my thumb across her lips, which part again and suck for a moment, then bite.

I'm lost in it with her, the pain and the pleasure, the rising and falling, the heaving of her chest as the first two fingers on my right hand firmly nuzzle just inside her beautiful pussy. It's coming, I know, the breathing quickening, the wild look in her eyes as she experiences something she hasn't before. It's coming; all she has to do is allow herself to fall, to give over to it.

"Become a part of the wave," I whisper to her. My lips now against her ear, my forearm pressed to her stomach, palm resting on a small tuft of curly red hair, fingers doing their finest act within. "Feel it as it gathers, growing and growing as it nears the shore, rising up, higher and higher, cresting..."

I quicken my pace and her breathing follows. With many I will employ a bullet or other vibrator on the clit to accent and amplify what I'm doing below, but my redheaded beauty deserves something more pure. I've seen enough in my time, assisted these women to greatness and glory, to the realization of a power that came from within, the acceptance and rise to their very own form of ecstasy.

For us men, it's so simple, we often accidentally stumble upon it, but so many women, even with a road map, won't allow themselves to fully realize their potential. My wife talked about fear, fear of making a spectacle of herself, fear of being loud, fear of soaking the bed and the mattress and the floor with her amazing orgasm. The woman next door told me that she'd accompanied a lot of young men in almost talking herself out of the ability to orgasm but repressing the expression of it as a young person. When you spend too much time suppressing the wave, it's sometimes quite hard to re-conjure.

As the wave builds inside the redhead who asked my wife's permission to request this favor, I see the potential; I can see the flow, the building and building, the deepening of the draw, pulling more and more energy into it. She begins to buck her hips over the wedge I slid under her, grinding herself against my hand, but my fingers never lose their spot. The heavenly cluster of nerves that Dr. Gräfenberg first stood up and said "hey, this here is interesting" despite all the opposition which still stands against it.

The French called it la petite mort, and as I've seen many little deaths in my time, and I can say one thing with absolute certainty in this world of confusion and lies. Yes Virginia, there IS a G-spot.

I tell her it's time. I see the wave, desperate to come crashing down. She squeezes my left hand, so hard it also turns white, her jaw is clenched, her emerald eyes locked to mine, there's fear there, that same unnecessary fear of judgment that so many women feel when simply trying to cash in a gift given to them by their creator. The flipside of the pain of childbirth is the ecstasy of the orgasm.

"I can't!  It's not gonna happen," she tells me between gasped breaths.

I give her a warm smile, lean down and kiss her stomach. "The wave has built," I whisper, "it's ready to release and wash over the shore, take a deep breath and give--"

But I don't need to finish as the moan escapes her lips and her eyes roll back and la petite mort overtakes her. I continue my rubbing within, as now it's about extension as wave after wave of warm ejaculate rushes past my hand and onto the black throe beneath her. Her eyes open again as she continues to come, bucking against me, and I see elation as she flows. It's happened too for her, this piece of the puzzle, for once you've been to the mountain top it's that much easier to reach next time.

When the flow has ended, I again lean myself down, this time kissing her forehead, warm with sweat and intense concentration, and she has never looked more alluring. Looking up at me, a laugh escapes her lips, she releases my hand and pushes her hair out of her eyes. Another small laugh, disbelief, perhaps, relief, certainly, maybe even something more spiritual, as she's owned her destiny, her ability, her newfound talent.

She won't need me again, I know, as she's now slipped the surly bonds of Earth and touched the face of God.

Fun Factory was founded in 1996 after one of the co-founder’s wives mentioned that the toy market “offered no sophisticated and high-quality erotic toys which really spoke to women.” Founders Dirk Bauer and Michael Pahl had a lightbulb moment then, and haven’t turned back since.

Fun Factory is based in Bremen/Woltmershausen, Germany, and their 2,400 sq. meter “pleasure dispensing palace” houses every aspect of the company: from the laboratory, to the factory, storage, and administration. In 2003 Fun Factory opened it’s first subsidiary here in the U.S, and in 2005 it formed its second in the U.K.

The first Fun Factory dildos and toys were originally all one-of-a-kind design models, which have grown to popularity with a loyal and satisfied fan base. Some of these toys have even won awards for their fun and innovative designs. Fun Factory toys are made using some of the highest quality silicon around, and they’re patented Click ‘n Charge system for rechargeable vibes is in a league of it’s own.

Fun Factory offers a wide variety of toys for both men and women. Whether you're enjoying a little fun from behind with the Bootie, or enjoying a fun romp with an adorable vibe like the Layaspot, Fun Factory has what you want. They also encourage you to Share, and don’t forget about the innovative Cobra Libre for men.

Fun Factory products are sold worldwide, including at our Liberator Concept Store, but Fun Factory’s flagship store in Berlin offers an experience like no other. Two floors of exquisitely designed and presented erotic wonders from lingerie, bodycare, lubricants, and toys presented in the playful whimsical Fun Factory style.

Overall Fun Factory is a leader in the market of high quality luxury erotic toys, and with good reason. They’re whimsical designs and playful uses of vibrant colors definitely make them stand out.

I am very keen to experience anal pleasure but am worried about it hurting.  I'm also not sure how to approach it with my partner, in case she is put off by thinking it is homosexual. I have had anal sex with her and feel that it would be a nice sensation for me as well. Can you help?  Your advice would be much appreciated.

Regards

-M

Dear M,

This is a great question that I get frequently from men who want to enjoy anal but are afraid of two things: 1) it will hurt and 2) it's connected to being homosexual.

I want to address #2 first.  Just be honest with your girlfriend.  Let her know that you are afraid that if you receive anal pleasure that she might question your sexual identity.  Most likely she will appreciate your vulnerability and honesty.  If she does think that pleasuring you anally has something to do with your sexual identity or preference, you can reassure her of your sexual preference.  This also gives you the opportunity to educate her about anal pleasure.  It makes sense to most women that they like anal pleasure, and that doesn't mean that they are homosexual.  We all have anuses and they all have pleasurable nerve endings regardless of our sexual orientation.  Most straight men that I know enjoy anal pleasure when it is done right.

That leads me to address your question about it hurting.  If anal touch is done right it shouldn't hurt.  I think of the tissue of the anus like a balloon.  If you poke the balloon too hard it will pop, but if you ease into it slowly with your finger you can touch the other side of the balloon.  It's the same with anal tissue.  Tell your girlfriend to go slowly and deliberately with her touch and to spend plenty of time massaging your anus externally before penetrating.  And use lube ! I recommend Aloe Cadabra or another natural lubricant.  Have your girlfriend massage your anus and when you feel ready for penetration, she can work your first anal sphincter and eventually move to your second anal sphincter.  As your tissue relaxes you can receive more and more stimulation.  For you it is important to breathe deeply and relax as much as possible.  It's about surrendering to her touch and the pleasure of the experience.

If you need to learn techniques for anal massage it might be nice for you and your partner to watch some instructional videos together (my Red Hot Touch:  Exquisite Anal Massage DVD has received rave reviews) or take a workshop on erotic massage.  There are also a number of books on anal play and pleasure if that feels more comfortable for the two of you to explore.

The PC is a sling-like muscle that attaches from your coccyx, or tailbone, to your pubis, to the pelvic bone just above your sex organs. You can easily feel both. This sling forms the floor of your pelvis and literally keeps all of your innards from falling through your pelvis onto the floor. Like any voluntary muscle, it can be exercised and will respond to strengthening . While this is not an area where bulging muscles are likely to be seen as attractive, I guarantee you’ll find the results rewarding.

For example, men can achieve stronger erections, improve urinary continence, improve the symptoms of an enlarged prostate, prevent premature ejaculation, and enhance the power, duration, and enjoyment of ejaculation and orgasm. Wow! It’s almost too bad it’s free or you could start a website selling it!

For women, the benefits are similar, though as the TV infomercials all say, “But wait! There’s more!” With childbirth and age, the pelvic floor and vagina stretch out. This can lead to decreased mutual pleasure during intercourse, urinary incontinence and vaginal, bladder or rectal prolapse (hanging out). Many multiparous women (those who’ve given birth to several kids) experience stress incontinence, or dribbling when they cough or sneeze forcing them to wear panty shields or other sanitary aids. Exercising your PC can improve this situation, as well. In fact, in France, it is routine to receive pelvic exercise therapy after childbirth as a covered insurance benefit. PC exercises can also enhance and improve vaginal and uterine orgasm. Uterine orgasm? You mean besides the old stand bys of clitoral and vaginal orgasm women have another pleasure play? You bet! What’s a uterine orgasm? Per Wikipedia:

Uterine orgasms are subjectively experienced as deeply and purely emotional, as they involve no rhythmic contractions of the pubococcygeus muscle. This measurable emotional change is characterized by a significant increase in oxytocin levels and apnea response. This apnea response causes the larynx to temporarily suspend breathing during orgasm and then exhale explosively, resulting in vocal exclamations and gasping. To release muscle tension, this is often accompanied by physical reactions such as laughing, crying, yawning, or screaming. During uterine orgasm, deep and rapid thrusts jostle the cervix and stimulate a sensitive membrane called theperitoneum that lines the abdomen and protects the pelvic area, including the uterus. A uterine orgasm can also be known as Orgie, O and a Bree & Blair.

I hope you’re now excited enough to start your PC tune-ups. Here’s how to do it: you simply squeeze, hold, and release. This isn’t always as easy as it sounds, since most of us don’t often consciously engage our PC’s. These are commonly referred to as Kegel exercises /strong>, after Dr. Arnold Kegel, a USC gynecologist who invented the perinometer, a strength testing device for vaginal muscles. If you don’t happen to keep a perinometer in your tool drawer, a little biofeedback can help.

Men can insert an appropriate device in the anus, like anal beads, a butt plug, or a prostate massager. And in the case of a prostate massager, like an Aneros, the massaging action produced by the PC squeeze can even lead to a prostate orgasm. Maybe that’s why the guy in the next cubicle always seems to be grinning...

Once again, women show their biologic superiority regarding sexual options, as they are able to insert an appropriate object intravaginally or intra-anally or both. Some women have reported that they have actually learned to come and squirt just from Kegeling. (A brief clarification on terms: a “kegler” usually refers to a person who likes bowling. We’re taling about kegelers, not about rolling a few frames, although there’s nothing stopping you from combining the two sports.)

Kegeling can be done discretely anywhere and anytime. Do you often waste time stuck in traffic? Before you take off to or from work, make a quick stop in the restroom and insert your favorite aid(s) into your favorite opening. Plug in the iPod and squeeze to the beat. You might even get off on the way home and arrive destressed and smiling for a change. You and your partner will both be glad you did.

In fact love defies anything to do with numbers, because the more you give away the more you have. With the perceptions of economic troubles, you may feel inclined to pay more attention to your spending habits. This is a good idea; I say stick with it and put your concentration on your love life. This is definitely one aspect of your life that can really flourish from some smart investing.

The average cost of dinner and a movie is $105.00. There are too many variables involved on a date to really calculate how one night could be an investment and create an economy of love. I realized that it wasn’t about not spending money, but the value of what you get for the amount of money that you spend, and sometimes it doesn’t take a penny to get a lot of value out of time spent with someone you care about. When I was doing research for my business plan to start my company New World Sex Education, I learned that in tough economic times people keep spending money on things they like, but they purchase more things that enhance their personal lives. In other words they spend money on things that last longer and have more meaning. For example: a couple will arrange something like a trip with family and friends to a nearby state park for a whole week instead of just the two of them going to Vegas for 3 nights. They end up having many more laughs, much deeper memories, and find themselves much more relaxed. They get more out of it than they thought, more enjoyment for the dollar, more memories per mile…this is the economy of love.

I invite you to create more value for your money by practicing simple ways to bring more love into your life. That love feeds you in a way that no material object can.

Here are some tips to start implementing the “economy of love” into your life:

Find the economic value of your choices, how much goes in (cost) compared to how authentic the experience you get coming out (pay off).

For example, you may want to spend a romantic evening in with a date or long time partner instead of going out to the theatre ($100-$300+) and dinner ($30-$100+). During this romantic evening at home you may talk during meal preparation, getting to know each other better, and then perhaps give each other back rubs, full body sensual massage, or simply gazing in each other’s eyes. The only cost to you would be food and drinks for your meal ($20-$75), massage oil ($2-$15) and perhaps learning sensual massage that lasts for many evenings to come ($0-$40). Research on the internet for tips on giving erotic massages or purchase an instructional DVD ($20 for one DVD or $135-$500+ for numerous DVDs or a weekend workshop). But the true value is the experience that you create. An evening in creates an environment for communication, touch, and creativity. And you save money on gas!

Keep it simple: eliminate variables that can be costly.

Some of the best times I have ever had have been the simplest. One of my all time favorite dates was spending a few hours hiking, preparing dinner at home, and then gazing into each other’s eyes while kissing. It was only my second date with this person, and we spent most of the day talking deeply about ourselves and just being together. And the only costs involved were gas and some veggies that we grilled. It was so simple and the value that we both got out the day was priceless. A little over a year later and we found ourselves expecting a baby together! Maybe you have been with your partner for years—when was the last time that you spent a few hours making out on your living room couch? Why not try it? The simple art of kissing can bring you closer together and create more magic in your life and it doesn’t cost a penny.

Extract emotion from the moment, go deep, feel more, and savor.

Let the person you are with know who you are through the experience of being with YOU rather than some form of entertainment. It is much easier to avoid being transparent and authentic when you are out at a movie or event (not that these aren’t fun, every now and then). When you can be really present with the person you are dating, or the person you have been with for 30 years, then you are going deep and ultimately getting more value out of the experience with them. What can you learn about them and what can you reveal about yourself? How do you feel? Are you enjoying their company? This requires absolutely no money and the value is beyond the beyond. What it does require is personal self esteemand overcoming some inabilities to be completely present and open.

Don’t let fear of what is happening in today’s economy scare you away from love. And definitely be creative in ways that express love. Touch, talk, take time to be with each other, and don’t forget the value that you are getting just from being.

Here is a guide to G-spot specific toys and how they can enhance your erotic endeavors.  All of the below mentioned toys are made from the safest, nontoxic materials, and are water resistant or waterproof so they won’t short circuit when you squirt!

G-Spot Vibrators

These pleasure massagers are meant to be inserted like dildos, but usually have a special shape that curves up for maximum G-spot stimulation.  They have a variety of pulsations and vibrations to bring you from titillation to ejaculation.

Check out:

• Gigi G-Spot Vibrator by Lelo
• Elise 2 by Lelo

Dual Action Vibrators – C-Spot and G-Spot

These double duty toys are designed to tease and tickle both the G-spot and the clitoris—aka the C-spot.   Combination C-spot and G-spot stimulation can be quite powerful, especially if you’re a new adventurer in G-spot exploration--you may be squirting in no time.   The tricky thing with these types of toys is that they don’t necessarily fit every vulva type perfectly for optimum dual vibration.  Women come in all shapes and sizes, but these toys do not (yet).

Try:

• Ina 2 by Lelo
• We Vibe III

Rabbit Vibrators

Similar to the combo C-spot and G-spot vibrators, rabbits are a two-in-one toy.  They have a rotating shaft for penetration, and a vibrating piece that curves up around the clit.  (Traditionally the vibrating piece was shaped like rabbit ears, hence the name).  There’s a variety of ways these toys can be used, and I’ve found that inserting the curved clitoral stimulator can be very effective for the G-spot as well. With a plethora of pleasure modes, there’s a good chance they’ll have you gushing.

Some favorites:

• FiFi Rabbit by Je Joue
• Vanity VR6 by Jopen

Dildo/Prostate

The G-spot is the female prostate, and there are a number of toys that can be used on the P-spot (prostate) for him or the G-spot for her.  Made from medical grade stainless steel, theFun Wand by nJoy offers a unique sensation.  It does not vibrate, so it’s a good alternative for those who are easily over-stimulated or just want a different experience.  The G Play by Nexus is called an anal toy but can be just as satisfying as a vaginal G-spot massager.  The G Play also comes in three sizes!  Hopefully this goes without saying, but if you are using toys for multiple purposes, be sure to clean them well!

For You and Your Partner - Couples Sex Toys

All of the above toys can be used solo or in partner play, and there are a few toys for the G-spot specifically made with your partner in mind.  The We Vibe III is unique in that it’s designed to be used during lovemaking and penetration, sending good vibrations to both partners.

The Liberator Wedge is part of Liberator’s innovative line of sexual positioning shapes, and this particular piece is designed to angle his penis right toward the G-spot.  Tip:  The G-spot does not generally respond as well to lots of friction.  Instead, find ways to anchor the penis into this spot and massage by moving your hips and squeezing the pelvic floor muscles.

If the G-spot is unknown territory, know that with patience, the right guidance and time, everyone can have an ecstatic experience of the female prostate.

First off, it is important not to induce shame in your partner. We have enough sexual shame in our culture to last for generations, and if you induce more your partner will be less likely to feel sexy. And feeling sexy is important to our desire to have sex. So broach the subject gently. You might want to start non-verbally by bathing him or her. Just hop in the shower before making love, get some vibrating sponges or waterproof sex toys (maybe an adult version of a rubber duckie) and have fun in the suds. Just make sure not to get any soap inside her vagina or inside either of your anuses. If a plethora of untamed hair is your issue, set up a sexy shaving scenario, or better yet trim your partner with manicuring scissors (this won’t leave itchy stubble and some women and men love the feeling of the cool scissors against their skin).
For the issue of taste or smell it is important to note that if you aren’t comfortable with your partner’s flavor or scent, that you might want to try giving it a little time before turning away. The taste of the genitals may be strong at first, but as you continue you will often find that it diminishes as things heat up and get going. If it doesn’t then you may want to try some dietary changes. Does your partner smoke, drink a lot of coffee, or eat a lot of red meat? On days when you might be engaging with your partner romantically try preparing a lighter feast of things like pineapple juice, and fresh salads with lots of greens and fruits. Refrain from heavy foods, smoking, coffee and meat (these foods may also affect your blood chemistry and the ability for you and your partner to get fully aroused.). Another reason for a bad taste or smell may be a bacterial infection, so if things persist you may want to visit your doctor to see if there is something else going on.

In my private practice I am often surprised that most people do not pay much attention to hygiene. If you are going to expect your partner to practice this then you must too, especially when it comes to anal play. You partner is going to be much more willing to go there if everything is squeaky clean. Here is a check list to use for yourself.

Breath - Kissing for most women is the deciding factor when it comes to whether or not they are going to sleep with you. If your breath is bad you may not get very far. Try brushing your teeth or chewing on fennel (most mouthwash isn’t that great when it comes to putting your mouth on your partner’s genitals, so opt for something without alcohol.)

Hands and Nails - Please wash your hands before touching your partner’s nether regions, this can stop germs and infection. Also, check your hands for rough calluses or jagged nails and file or trim them. If you are attached to the length of your finger nails you may want to use toys for anal or vaginal penetration, but really, isn’t the pleasure worth cutting your nails short?

Hair - A little trimming can go a long way. I’m not saying that you have to shave it all off or that au naturale can’t be sexy, but trimming your pubic hair has some benefits. First, it shows your partner that you think about sex and being sexy. Secondly, it might just help you feel sexier. According to the "Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress", shaving all of your pubic hair makes you think of puberty and can help you maintain your youthful vitality. Regardless of if you shave or not, running your fingers through your pubic hair will help get rid of strays that could get caught in your partner’s teeth later on, so start there.

Genitals - A quick wash to the genital area can do wonders. Just using water is fine. And while you are splashing it on check to be sure that there aren’t any wads of toilet paper or other unpleasantries lingering about. You can use soap, just don’t get any inside of you as if may affect your natural PH.

Anal Area - Okay, this is a big one, please, please, please clean this area if you are expecting to receive any anal play. First of all, note if you have hair back there. Hair collects stuff, toilet paper and other stuff that might not be so pleasant for your partner, so make sure to check your hair and even trim it if necessary. Wash the external area with soap and water. If you want penetration you may want to do a quick enema. You can check with your own finger to be sure that you are clean. (*Note: I would advise the use of dental dams and condoms for anal play. It’s not just about cleanliness, but about health. There are parasites and bacteria that you do not want to share!)

Once you have done your grooming, you may want to take time to deliciously groom your partner. And if they don’t go for it, you may want to have a talk with them about how sexy they are and how much you enjoy bathing them. Be positive and entice your partner with creative words. If all else fails, try some flavored lubes, dental dams or condoms.

And if you don’t have a favorite Indian dish, you need to get out there and get some curry into your life, because our Hindu neighbors in the east literally wrote the book on gettin’it on.

Some aphrodisiacs prefer their myth and celebrity over what the lab has to say.  Take, for example, the famous strawberry. Covered in chocolate, or served naked, these heart-shaped berries are a staple for any romantic evening. They are packed with vitamin C, potassium, and other nutrients, but I still regard them as a sensual aphrodisiac. Sure, these vitamins and nutrients can boost your well-being, which in turn does affect your libido, but I still think the seat of their power lies in their various stories and symbolism. The romantic tradition of them is enough to run out and get a pack right now!

In the end, and in my book, neither one should be cause to dismiss the other. Aphrodisiacs can be a thing of science; the perfect blend of compounds, nutrients, and vitamins for a natural, healthy zing.

But the sensual side is just as valid, because even though it can be a science, an aphrodisiac can also be a little black dress, a well fitted suit, or that pair of jeans that drives your partner wild when you wear them. The swing of someone’s hips when they’re dancing, that is an aphrodisiac, and don’t even get me started on a good joke, or a sense of humor, because to me laughter is the most underestimated of the lot.

This is just the beginning though. We have a lot more exploring to do. It’s going to be delicious, and leave you craving more.

What is BDSM, you may be asking yourself? It’s a compound acronym for several things: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission (D/s), Sadism & Masochism. These terms can encompass many types of things, and the dynamics of the people involved can vary wildly.

Bondage for instance can be done with sashes, leather cuffs, saran wrap (the kind at packaging store not the grocery store), rope, belts, or anything else handy. The style of bondage can varyfrom playful, to utilitarian, to artistic.

Dominance and submission, usually referred to as D/s, is a pairing based on power exchange. The submissive gives over a degree of control, whether merely in the bedroom or all the time, to the Dominant. The Dominant is then the holder of that power/control and is responsible for the well being and care of the submissive.

Sadism and Masochism is usually about exchanging pain, but can also be about playing with the senses of another. S&M is often exhibited through different kinds of play or scenes. When someone says “play” they are usually referring to a style of BDSM activity, example: “I’m interested in doing some wax play with Tim.” In this sentence the speaker is expressing interest in doing an activity, wax play, with another person. When someone says “scene” they are usually referring to a specific time of play between 2 or more people, example: “I really enjoyed that scene I did with Tim last night.” In this sentence the speaker is expressing enjoyment of a particular time when with another person, in which multiple activities may have taken place.

You may find yourself thinking something like: “But Bubble, what if I don’t like pain?” BDSM is not just about pain. In fact it doesn’t have to be about pain at all, if you don’t want to experience that. Impact play is usually painful, but isn’t always. Impact play is an activitiy where one person uses an object to impact the other person’s body, usually the the butt, back, thighs, or breasts. It can be done with lightly or hard. You can use something as soft as faux fur or as firm as a wooden paddle. The beauty is that you create your experiences, so you can try what you want.

Some other types of play that focus on tempting and teasing the senses are lumped into a category called “Sensation Play.” This can include playing with hot and cold with candle wax and ice, blindfolding a person and caressing them with your hands and other sensual textured objects, using music to adjust a mood, or put headphones in their ears so they cannot hear what you’re doing. The possibilities are endless.

So how do you get involved? There are several online sites you can join in on. My personal favorite is Fetlife. I enjoy the groups and discussion boards. They’re great in giving advice, and researching a new kind of play you might be interested in. I always like to know as much as I can about an activity before participating in it. You can find local events there, but I recommend attending a munch first.

Munches are gatherings that usually happenat local restaurants, coffee shops, or other meet-up places. They usually ask that you not wear any obvious fetishwear, since it’s in public, don’t want to offend other customers or the management of the establishment. You can eat and drink and be merry with other open and like-minded people. Sometimes there are specific topics, sometimes it just goes with the flow, but it’s a great low-pressure way to meet people.

After attending a munch or two you might want to attend a play party, whether it be a public one at a local dungeon or BDSM club, or a private one you were invited to attend in someone’s home. These are gatherings where you can see different kinds of play in action in various scenes, and also get a chance to try something out if you feel comfortable doing so with someone there.

These are some of the BDSM basics that can help you converse with fellow kinksters out there. So get on out there, whether you merely want to observe or participate!

A lot of the stereotypes of men and women in our culture seem to stem from bad relationships rather than happy ones. After all, there is that old saying that when people talk, it's to complain. Perhaps the archetypal horn dog male and glacial married female don't represent our natural states in a relationship. Instead they might represent widespread dysfunction, which isn't surprising.

While women do enjoy cuddling, the study suggests that for women it is associated with increased satisfaction in their sexual activity whereas for men it's more about... the actual cuddling and the benefits that touch brings to a relationship. One of the potential explanations of this is that while men hit their sexual prime in their teens, women don't have theirs until thirty. Having had a more recent sexual peak, it stands to reason that a forty year old woman might have a higher sex drive than a forty year old man. For a man, things like cuddling potentially become more important with age as spontaneous sexual desire wanes. We've always thought of the woman as the partner who needed to be "warmed up" and put in the mood for sex, but many older men don't achieve an erection like they did in their twenties. It takes a little more foreplay or manual stimulation to get things going.

Older women often have a stronger sense of themselves when they are older and in our largely patriarchal society (with puritan overtones) it can take women some time to freely express sexuality. The study speculates that older women in long term relationships have a strong sense of their "sexual rights," and that if their expectations are not met, it can upset them or even make them angry.

The important thing to take away from the study is that it's just the tip of the iceberg. It has brought to light certain things that we would have thought to be untrue. So we have the "how," but not the "why." Much of the explanations presented above are pure speculation, albeit by the Kinsey Institute. They are now designing other studies to delve deeper and start answering questions about our ever mysterious human sexuality.

If you need a partner for the tub, many of Jimmyjane’s products are fully waterproof and bath-friendly.

Never go it alone, ladies.

What should you do about it?

We all get stressed; it's when stress is the highest that we forget the importance of connection, making out, and doing the deed.  When your two-year-old head butts you, you loose your job, you've got to find a new house, and the world seems to be crashing down around you, the last thing you might think about is languishing in your lover's arms.  But your lover's arms just might be the best place to be so that you can get your head clear and function at the top of your game.

Sex is a stress life killer.  It helps you relax, it can encourage the production of lots of feel-good hormones, and it's good for your health.  Sex is awesome.

Go From Stressed to Sexed in 4 Easy Steps

• Start slow. Yes, it takes time, but you can't afford to stay in this disconnected, stressed-out state.  Take the time.  Start by closing your eyes and just lightly stroke each others bodies.  Stay there for a long time, just stroking and going to a quiet, almost meditative, place.  Rushing might bring on more stress.

• Pay attention to sensation. When your mind goes back to the stress, bring it to the sensation of your lover's fingertips on your skin.  Notice every sensation that you can, and keep your mind focused there.

• Deepen your breath. Changing your normal breathing pattern can help you get into a different state of being.  When I was studying acting, we would breathe in certain ways to bring on different emotional states.  Take deep, full breaths, inhaling fully, then let the breath just fall out of your body with a sigh.

• Don't give up. The arousal will come to you eventually.  Just the other night I was beyond stressed.  My partner knows that when I'm like that, he just needs to make love to me.  I thought my body would never respond.  There were a few times that I wanted just to tell him to quit, but I didn't.  I started to pay attention, I changed my breath, I had him stroke me all over.  It took awhile, but eventually the arousal happened, and we both had phenomenal orgasms.  It might take you a little while when you are highly stressed, but it's worth the effort.  Believe me, afterward we felt a million times better.

And if all the above fails, you might need to be tied up and spanked.  Seriously!  Sometimes it takes the opposite of what's intuitive to get people snapped out of their heads and into their bodies.

A stroke, a spank, a tongue, deep penetration; find that thing that brings you into your body and sparks your desire.  It's there, I promise.

So far, I'm not sure if this will be a continuing manga, but if you like the Tenga products, Tenga did a good job with their “Tengirls”. Each girl is based off of one of the popular male masturbators. In fact, there's even one for the Tenga Flip Hole! In typical Japanese fashion, there's even a Lolita-like girl included in the line-up. For some variety, a muscular-looking woman is included as well, portraying the US Tenga. Each one of the manga characters is dressed up in a fashion that matches their represented male masturbation toy.

One can only hope that Tenga will comeup with something this neat in the United States. Instead, we get (sometimes) internet ads about the products. Why can't something like this be integrated into our society? Even a billboard advertisement is something I would settle for. I guess I'm just tired of seeing Victoria's Secret advertisements all over while something like this Tenga manga would cause a commotion. I'd still love to see the U.S. Version though – especially if an interesting story was attached to the “Tengirls”. A girl can dream at least.

I wonder what the manga's text actually says. Is there a story to this neat little manga? Tenga always comes up with some of the best male masturbation toys, but who knew they had such creative advertising?

Leaf’s line of vibrators and massagers take organic design cues from nature, use rechargeable batteries and a toxin-free silicone for a natural feel. Leaf products still deliver commanding vibrations despite the “green” label.

Just ask the Vitality, its dual motor set-up won’t miss any stimulation. 

Sex and love are never as seamless as we think they will to be in our minds. That perfect partner is never as perfect as we imagine them to be. Here is a little news flash, neither are we! That accidental knee to the groin last time wasn’t easily forgotten. If you have found that special someone that you want to use your groove moves on, just keep in mind that love and sex takes practice, patience and sometimes a little laughter can’t hurt. Just make sure you aren’t laughing at inappropriate times, like for example, when they get naked!

Of course you want intensity when it comes to sex. But it doesn’t always have to be serious conversations and longing stares. Learn to add a bit of levity and laughter when things are less like ballet and more like a game of Twister. Which, by the way, can be fun too with the lights turned low and the right accessories!

If you can make each other feel comfortable and less self-conscious while discovering, then a laugh and a giggle can go a long way in a long-term affair. You will find that if you can laugh together in the bedroom you can learn to incorporate those same skills in dealing with those little things that will drive you up the wall later. The quickest way to end a small argument is to find the silliness in whatever the situation may be. Here’s a tip; if you can make them smile, you are half way to winning the battle!

So go ahead and make a joke when his hand gets tangled up in your gorgeous long locks! Afterward you can move right along to the serious task of laying down your best moves and those deep longing stares. You could also break out Twister and keep right on laughing, naked of course!

Researchers at Northwestern University have announced the results of a study that proves that bisexuality is real. While lots of you will find it quite amusing that anyone bothered to conduct such a study, this particular study is the first highly structured and scientific study of bisexuality. There were a handful of studies in the past, but they lacked proper controls and produced questionable results. On one hand, one could consider this study revolutionary and in the same vein as Kinsey's research. On the other hand - did they really need to conduct a study?

The researchers used a group of about 90 men of which one third self identified as bisexual, one third as gay and one third as heterosexual. Not only did they have to self identify, but the bisexual males were required to have had relationships of at least three months with both sexes and to have had at least two sexual partners of each sex. Each test subject was shown two different sets of videos. One set portrayed exclusively lesbian sex while the other set portrayed sex between two men. Previous studies used videos portraying heterosexual sex and this was considered problematic because it's impossible to determine which gender is arousing the viewer. As each male watched the videos, a device measured and recorded penile response. They were also interviewed after the videos to report their subjective arousal to the videos.

The study found objectively through measurement of penile girth, that heterosexual males were not aroused by male on male sex acts and gay men were not aroused by girl on girl sex. Bisexual men, however, were aroused by watching both. The study also found that individual bisexual test subjects tended to get more aroused by one sex or the other - showing a slight or even defined preference based on penile girth.

What value does the study have? Researchers hope to dispel public confusion over bisexuality. Even in liberal circles, bisexuals are often misunderstood and viewed with disdain. How many times have we heard a woman say that she could handle her man cheating with another woman but not with another man? Or how many times have we seen men or women choose not to date someone solely because that someone identifies as bisexual? Our society functions by being able to categorize people and being able to put them into boxes, making everything as black and white as possible. People, like bisexuals, who defy this systemic categorization are in for a rough ride. After all... if you are a bisexual male, what social niche do you belong to? Bisexual women fit nicely into the swinger's community, and gay men have their own subculture - not to mention heterosexual culture.

While the study has good intentions, our social problems run deeper. While studies like this may work to dispel the notion that bisexuals are simply confused, they won't change the behavior of people who don't doubt that bisexuality exists, but still choose to discriminate against bisexuals and perpetuate societal categorization.

Whether you want to pamper yourself, add a little spice to the bedroom or explore intimacy with a partner, this line of pleasure products has something for you.

We’re big fans of the discreet Kandi Kisses lipstick vibrator and her interpretation of Kegel exercisers, the Hold On to Me Kegel spheres, one of the best products in its category.

There isn't much research surrounding anal sex and the role that the anus plays in sexual pleasure. I suspect that there is erectile tissue in and around the anal sphincter. I'm relying here on my own, other somatic sex experts, and my students' felt experience. If you look at the anus in an aroused state it is usually puffed up; that tells me that more blood is entering the area upon arousal.

And did you know that the anus has the second most concentration of nerve endings, second only to the clitoris in the female body? That's a lot of pleasure packed nerves to stimulate. It's worth taking time to warm-up the area before diving in, and I assure you that it will be a more pleasurable experience for all parties involved. If you have already had a negative experience then it is even more important that you really spend time discovering the pleasure to be mined in this region.

Here are some guidelines:

*Lube is your friend. The anus does produce a small amount of mucus that can help with lubrication, but it really isn't enough if you are planning on penetration. Personal lubricants just make it feel better. I recommend trying coconut oil, aloe cadabra, or Intimate Organics Relaxing Spray.

*Use anal massage to warm up the tissues. The anal tissue is much like a balloon. If you poke your finger into a balloon it will pop. But if you sink your finger in slowly it will give way, and you can touch all the way to the other side of the balloon in most cases. By learning anal massage, you can learn how to entice the anal sphincters (yes, there are two) to open up, relax, and receive even more pleasure. Not to mention that anal massage is deeply relaxing. Check out my Red Hot Touch: Exquisite Anal Massage DVD.

*Butt plugs and anal sex toys are a great prelude to some hot action later.

If you are planning on an anal sex session with penetration later in the day it is nice to prepare your rosebud. Start in the morning with a little self anal massage and when ready insert a well-lubed finger into your anus. Take some deep breaths and feel your finger inside. Insert a small butt plug into your anus. Take some deep breath and notice the feeling. Throughout the day place a larger butt plug inside.

It's fun if you go out to dinner with your partner to wear a decorative butt plug. I have one made of glass that has a beautiful rose petal inside of it. It's like jewelry for your anus! After having a butt plug inside for awhile your tissues will be stretched and relaxed. It's like stretching before you exercise; it helps warm your muscles up and prevents injuries.

There's so much to say about anal play, but most importantly make sure that you educate yourself about good anal sex. Know that anal sex isn't just about penetration; you can completely stay outside and still have exquisite pleasure. As always play and explore while being open to taking your time and making discoveries along the way.

Setting the scene for romance is a great way to put you and your partner in the mood.  Candles, soft music, and Champagne can all act as guides on the path to seduction.  But who has time for all of that anymore?  Aside from special occasions, most people do not go through the trouble to "set the scene" for sex anymore.

Luckily, Liberator invented the Decor Series.  Based on several of the already popular Original Label Shapes, Liberator redesigned these pieces to have more of a design appeal, allowing the shapes to stay out in plain sight to not only increase the spontaneity of sex, but to also complement existing bedroom décor.

The Decor Series items feature luscious velvish fabric in modest colors, with decorator details such as bows and scalloped edges.  With the shapes now lying on the bed and easily accessible, you can have amazing sex any time you desire.

Here are 6 easy steps to give your bedroom a sexy make-over.

• Decide which color matches best with your existing bedding. The Decor Series comes in six colors:  Aubergine, Merlot, Black, Grey, Espresso, and Buckwheat.  Remember that it doesn't have to be the same exact color as your bedding, and often coordinating colors can give your room a nice new look.  Alternative:  Choose your favorite Decor Series color, and purchase an inexpensive new bedding set online that coordinates with your choice!

• Select a bolster. The Decor Whirl is available in two sizes:  Whirl XT and original Whirl.  If you have a king-size bed, two Whirl XTs will probably work best.  If you have a queen-size, one original Whirl ought to do the trick.  For full-size beds, one Whirl XT will look at home.  Bolsters are some of the most basic and useful positioning aids; they can be placed under the knees of the person on bottom, under the pelvis for rear entry positions, to support the neck during oral, and in many other positions.

• Pick your throw pillows.This could be any combination depending on your preferences and needs.  For me, the logical choice would be to pick two Decor Stashe Pillows.  Not only will they look lovely side by side, but their hidden compartments store sex toys, lubes, and other goodies, making sex even more spontaneous and fun.

• Decide on an accent pillow. Both the Heart Wedge and the Decor Wedge are spin-offs of the best-selling Liberator Wedge.  These slightly smaller versions still offer the perfect angle for G-spot penetration as the original, but their designs make them ideal accent pillows as well.  Romantics prefer the iconic heart symbol, while others appreciate the funky scalloped edges of the Decor Wedge.

• Choose your Throe blanket. A blanket folded and placed at the foot of the bed is an ordinary bedding accessory.  But when that blanket is a Decor Fascinator Throe, the result is extraordinary.  This wetness-stopping blanket not only protects your sheets from liquids like the Original Fascinator Throes, but now it also comes in designer fabrics in coordinating satin and lush velvish.

• Add a settee. If you have room at the foot of the bed, and money left over, why not add an Esse Chaise?  Not only is it currently the sole piece of Liberator Sex Furniturethat comes in the same colors and fabric as the Decor Series items (so that it will blend in with your decor), but it also makes sex amazing.  There are an endless amount of positions that can be performed on the Esse Chaise from standing, seated, and horizontal positions.  Having a piece of furniture in the bedroom that was made for sex is a surefire way to spark desire.

Setting the mood for sex makes it that much more spectacular.  It helps both partners to focus on each other and their pleasure.  It is a way to escape the mundane, and take you to a place unlike any other.

You can still light candles if you want.  And go ahead and sprinkle rose petals on the bedspread if you like.  But now that you room has been given a sexy new make-over, you won't have to.

What is left is a one-of-a-kind abstract painting that represents that special moment, that can then be stretched, framed and hung on the wall -- a reminder of the love that was shared.  The kit also provides a unique bonding experience for the couples involved, as they work together as a team to craft their own unique masterpiece.

Love is Art was founded by South African-born abstract artist Jeremy Brown. Inspired by 1960's French artist Yves Klein and various performance art pieces by Andy Warhol, Brown has been making paintings during intimacy for over a decade.  One day, a close friend complimented him on a painting that was hung inside his house. After discovering how the painting was made, she asked him to provide her with everything she needed to make a painting with her husband on their anniversary.  Jeremy put together a small package with all of the materials needed and wrote a little directional note for them to follow.  

They absolutely loved it, and Love is Art was born. 

My recommendation is that you make an account on Fetlife. It’s free to join and participate, although some features are available to members who support the site financially. As I’ve mentioned before Fetlife has tons of groups, at least one is bound to focus on an interest of yours. These groups have discussion pages and forums where you read about a ton of topics and post your own discussion to learn more. You can search for groups, events, and fellow kinksters by area as well. This will help you find events and groups local to you.

You should read about the rules of the group and check out a few of the discussions. Post a discussion thread introducing yourself to the group. Introductory threads are a pretty common thing, and they can let people in the group know if you are new to kink, new to the area, or looking for events and education opportunities. Sending private messages to people in your area and members of the local groups may be a way to get connected and start building relationships with people before you attend an event. This can also ease the nervousness, knowing you’ll be seeing a friend at a munch or other event.

In my local community there are probably at least 15+ munches. The Atlanta community is pretty large and you can find some sort of event almost every night of every week. Some of these munches are for everyone, some for the younger crowd, some for the older crowd, some for polyamorous people, some for Tops and Doms, some for Bottoms and s-types (s-type is a way of grouping submissives and slaves under one term).

I’ll be attending a couple of munches this weekend, which is pretty awesome. Last weekend I had to miss a munch due to work but was able to make the play party afterwards, so I still got to see my friends and hang out with like minded people. Now, not every munch has a play party attached to it, but many will try to get together at least once a month to spend time together where play is a possibility. These parties can be a great time to learn how to safely engage in a variety of play, watch awesome scenes, and get to people. You might even be able to approach someone about a doing a scene in the future or that very night.

So if you’re looking to get involved in your local community, get on Fetlife and check out groups and events in your area and get involved!

I usually dig around once a day and post something that I find interesting. Today I ran across a new product made in the U.K. called “Mooncup” sanitary products for women. I’m not going to give you an endorsement of this product, because to be honest with you, I have no idea after looking at it how it actually works! What they do have is a catchy little song on the site. When I heard it I couldn’t stop cackling and it really got me thinking!

Women, we really should love our vaginas!

Men are obsessed with their private parts. A day doesn’t go by that they don’t graze, grab, talk about, look at or think about their “stuff.” Granted, their anatomy is on the outside of their body so it makes it a little more of an obvious, companion, shall we say.

A woman’s delicates, while not as obvious, are always a big part of her life. Think of all the things we do in our life that revolve around our vaginas.

Let me check my calendar:

Depending on what time of the month it is, we dictate our schedule around it.

For example: You have been invited to a pool party. If it’s day 15 of your cycle you are good to go and will bring the bikini! If it’s day 28 you may decline, or accept but bring that one piece that your grandmother gave you that comes all the way down to your thighs.

Meeting new people: Women find themselves in certain situations where people we may not know so well must look at your private parts. Let me just say one thing, “Slide all the way to the edge of the table and put your feet in the stirrups.” Enough said?

What to wear: An entire centuries old billion dollar industry was built around how to cover, or not cover, your vagina. Since nineteenth century Sears and Roebuck to today's Victoria’s Secret catalogs we have been inundated with suggestions of what to put on and what to take off of our vaginas!

To Be or Not To Be: Our vagina is our direct link to motherhood. We spend so many years trying not to get pregnant - we use condoms, the pill, diaphragms, sponges, shots and all the while keeping our eye on the calendar so we know when our vaginas are in the safe zone. Then one day we decide we want to get pregnant. We trade all the above in for basal thermometers, temperature charts, ovulation kits, timed encounters, pelvic tilt pillows and pregnancy tests.

All that stuff and all that time was spent with one body part in mind!

“I brought you into this world and I can take you out!”

Once you have done the almost near impossible task of delivering a baby you have your vagina to thank for all those wonderful moments of snuggling, baby kisses and cooing that the true love of your life, your baby, brings.
Later you can also thank your vagina when that same sweet baby has turned into a teenager and their raging hormones and mood swings have you wanting to lock them in a box until they are ready for college.

I did it all for the nookie: And of course there is that one tiny thing that vagina’s are most well known for; Sex! As the old song goes “There ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone!” Enjoy it while you can, because you really are “The master of your domain!” :)

p.s. If any of you figure out how that Mooncup works could you let the rest of us know? I’m just curious!

All contained in a handheld instrument of satisfaction, just plug the RealTouch into the provided computer adapter and let it do the work. The RealTouch synchronizes with the scene you’re watching. You feel every position change and every act. Every twitch your favorite actress makes on film is reciprocated directly to you. How does the RealTouch do it?

Two separate inner sleeves stroke and massage your penis to varying degrees. An orifice tightens and contracts depending on the chosen entry by the actors. Heating elements replicate the warmth of a woman (or man). And don’t worry. There’s no reason for you to even worry about applying your own lube. An automatic dispenser keeps a proper and realistic amount of lubrication flowing from inside the masturbator.

RealTouch is the perfect alternative for oral, vaginal and anal sex, complete with a dream partner that can be replaced by a stable of others from RealTouch’s ever-expanding archive. There’s not much more you could ask for.

During the first trimester I was so damn tired.  All. The. Time.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  It wasn’t that I did not want to have sex it was that I was asleep in bed by 4 pm.  My poor husband.  Before we got pregnant if we went more than two days without doing it that was a “long stretch”.  However, during the first trimester we could go a week without making love.  Thankfully I married a very supportive guy.

The best thing to do during this time is, surprise, get the sleep! You need it!  You are growing a human being for heaven sake.  And think about how much sleep you will NOT be getting once the baby comes.  But also have sex!  Even if you don’t really feel like it so much.  Think of how long you have to wait after you have a baby to do it again.  As unromantic as it sounds, schedule time to have sex with your partner.   Try morning sex, before dinner sex, and sex after you have an afternoon nap.  Figure out the time of day you feel the best.

If you have morning sickness and feel crappy obviously you will not be in the mood.  Don’t feel guilty, this part will (hopefully) not last forever and you can make it up to your partner later……in the second trimester!

During the second trimester most women find the nausea and vomiting are gone and their sex drive returns, in full force!  For me this was very true!  I was feeling great and my baby bump had not yet taken over my body.  We were still able to do most sexual positions with minimal modification.  In fact, my husband said I was wearing him out!  I just said this must be nature’s way of compensating for the inevitable drop in sex frequency post baby.

Some women worry about hurting the baby.   Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, sex at all stages of pregnancy is fine.  Actually it is better than fine, it keeps the bond between partners strong and maintains some sense of normalcy in your changing world.  Sometimes I would think about weird things during sex like “what if the baby kicks my husband? Will that distract him? That is totally not sexy!”   You have to remember to bring a sense of humor to sex in pregnancy.  In all honesty there will be weird things happening, like increased vaginal discharge you are not used to and swelling of your genitalia.  Try not to worry.  This person loves you enough to make a baby with you and I am positive loves to have sex with you no matter what.  Talk about things and do what makes you feel comfortable, otherwise sex will cease to be the fun fantastic thing it is supposed to be.

Which brings us to the last trimester.  Returning is the fatigue that you thought you had beaten months ago.  During this time I felt huge, swollen, and totally unsexy!  However, I did continue our sex life right up to the time our little guy was born.

Try to have fun with it.  You may be more limited in sexual positions, but there are still a lot of things you can do.  Just remember that orgasm is going to help strengthen your uterus for delivery!  In my case it also helped to release some of the tension regarding the upcoming arrival of the baby for both my husband and myself.  Also, let’s face it; you are not going to be able to pay a lot of attention to your partner in the first several weeks post baby.  It is good to let them know you love them and enjoy them sexually.  Think of it as stocking up your partner for his “long winter hibernation” of the postpartum period.  No sex for about six weeks folks, might as well do it now.  But don’t worry; this is not the end of your sex life!  Sex after baby can be even better than before!

For most of my adult life, we've had cell phones.  But in the last decade our iPhones and Blackberries have advanced to the point where we can text, send pictures, surf the internet, and play video games.  We can connect with our relatives in China or send e-mails to a business in Egypt, but what does this do to our intimate relationships right here, right now?

I've noticed in my private practice the frequent complaint that a partner doesn't know how to unplug from their phone.  In a recent study scientists discovered that the alert sound for a text coming in not only sets your nervous system on edge, it is actually addictive.  Two strikes to connection, intimacy, and good sex.  I even have had couples complain that their partners are answering texts during lovemaking.  Or one of them is more interested in playing a game on the phone than connecting intimately.  What's going on here?

As much as I want to blame the cell phone, there is something deeper happening.  What would make a person not want to connect with someone right in front of them?  Have they fallen out of love?  Would they rather be somewhere else?  Are they addicted to work?

I've advised these couples to block out time--I'm calling it "unplugged time".  This means no phones, no PDAs, no laptops, no TV.  It means looking at and communicating with the person who is right in front of you.  It means getting out of your head and into your bodies.  It means touching and kissing this person you love and working through stuff that might come up as you experience withdrawal from your iPhone.

Here are some guidelines for unplugging:

Rule #1 Turn off all electronic devices. This means OFF.

Rule #2 Unplug your mind. Get present to the person in front of you. Be honest:  do you really want to be with the person in front of you?

Rule #3 Get into your body. Touch each other, make love, savor your pleasure.

Rule #4 Notice what comes up.  Most likely you'll start thinking about that thing you need to do, or someone who you need to call; watch these thoughts and don't let them take over.

Rule #5 Stick to your time frame. Set aside at least two hours of unplug time a week and 4 days of unplug time every 90 days, and don't let anything interfere with this time.

What I observe most is that we are all starving for connection, so much so that we spend lots of time on Facebook, texting, and tweeting.  It's easier to project our fantasies to someone on the internet.  It's harder to be face to face with people, but it serves our human need for connection, touch, and intimacy.  Put down your phone, touch someone, make love to someone.  I promise the technological world will still be there when you return.

Eradicating the obscenities and lewd imagery attached to the act of masturbation and taboos of communicating about sexual wellness, TENGA aims to spread knowledge and advice regarding masturbation.

The company was started in Japan and made a big splash stateside with the introduction of its Egg line of disposable male masturbators. Available in a variety of different silicone ribbed designs, the Egg is just the tip of the expansive line.

For more than one pleasure in a product, the Double Head features two sides, one that firmly grips the male member while the other end gently surrounds it. The Rolling Head Cup’s flexibility means stimuli can come back-and-forth, left-and-right while the Deep Throat Cup gives you an idea of what type of pleasure you’ll derive from it. These type of masturbators are designed to last only up to several uses. Permanent bliss can be achieved with the Flip Hole. The Flip Hole differs from other male masturbators in two main ways. One, it is not designed as a synthetic vagina, but rather lined with an assortment of silicone nubs, gates, flaps and controllable pumps making it more tailored to deliver pleasure. Two, the Flip Hole opens completely to make clean-up easier and much more hygienic.

We suggest investing in a Tenga Flip Hole for the home and a 6-pack of Tenga Eggs for those long and lonely business trips.

While I dated casually in high school, I never had a boyfriend.  I attribute that to the fact that I was much more mature than the other guys in my school, and I was more intimidating.  I didn't have a girl's body; my curves were more akin to a woman in her 20s (and this is probably why all of the college guys wanted to hook up with me).Then I turned 18.  I graduated high school a virgin.  I didn't so much care about losing my virginity right away, so this was no "American Pie" situation.  I was waiting for love, or so I thought, and it would happen eventually.

In my first semester of college, I met a man.  He was a sexy Latin American.  He was smart, a senior in engineering in fact, and he played for the school's rugby team.  We met at a party.  We hit it off right away, but he was really cocky.  I blew him off; it was like I somehow knew this guy was trouble.

Then we ran into each other on campus.  After a flirty conversation, he gave me a sensual kiss on the cheek and ran off to class.  I couldn't help it.  I was attracted to him, and he turned me on. We ran into each other at a few more parties until he finally asked for my number.  Then one night he called me and invited me over to watch a movie at his house.  Against my best judgment, I accepted.  I had a feeling this was going to be it.  It was like I knew it was coming, and I wanted it but I didn't want it at the same time.

When I got to his place, he looked amazing.  He smelled amazing!  He was freshly showered, and his cologne was like a magnet pulling me to him.  I gave him a hug and sat down, trying to remain calm.  He put the movie on.  We managed to watch about five minutes of it before we started making out.

It was very passionate.  He was an amazing kisser.  And in my years of holding off on sex, I got pretty damn good at kissing myself!  After a few minutes, he asked if he could go down on me.  I had told countless guys no before (again, I was waiting for someone special), but with him I couldn't help myself.  After a bit, he was so turned on with how wet I was that he took me into the bedroom.  I told him I wasn't ready, but he said I was, most likely referring to my wetness and not my state of mind.  I wanted to argue with him and leave, to continue in my search for Mr. Right.

But after years of telling my body no, I finally said yes.  I gave in to what my body so desperately wanted.  It felt good, but it wasn't as good as I had hoped.  We dated for a few months after that, but I still wasn't that into the sex.  I later realized it was because I was with someone I didn't know as well and wasn't comfortable with.  If I had in fact waited to lose my virginity with the "right" guy, it might have been better, but I can't say I 100% regret my decision that night.  For better or worse, it shaped me into who I am now, and I wouldn't change it.

Who I am now, by the way, is a sexual beast.  Maybe I was making up for lost time or all of the times I was with guys and didn't orgasm.  But when I have sex with my guy I've been for the last several years, I always have multiple orgasms.  I am ready to have sex at any time.  I always want it, and I usually require very little foreplay before I'm ready to go.  Sex is a time when I can explore myself and my partner, and it is never boring.  It took me a few years to get to this point from where I started, but I'm sure that is normal no matter what situation you lose your virginity.

My advice to any virgins out there is this.  Wait for someone special, if you can, because then the sex will be that much more special and enjoyable.  If for some reason you feel you can't wait, or like me you completely lose your head, don't beat yourself up over it.  Remember that the first time is always awkward no matter whom you're with, and you'll get better.  Practice makes perfect, and what is more fun to practice than sex?

So, is that why we kiss? Liberator says this doesn’t pass the smell test. We need to look deeper.

Surprisingly, kissing is not universal. Anthropologists say that 90% of human cultures engage in smooching. For example, Eskimos wisely rub noses, and thereby avoid literal lip lock via freezing. Kissing can be a prelude to passion, a casual greeting, a hello or goodbye, a wish for luck before the roll of the dice or even the seal on a death warrant (a la Michael Corleone to brother Fredo).

Some scientists, in typical killjoy fashion, claim that the evolutionary origins of kissing can be traced to the passing of partially chewed food from mothers’ mouths to their infant offspring, and that the lip contact became imprinted as a sign of love (Liberator tip of the day: Do NOT share this information during an evening of romance). What seems both more probable and less disgusting is that kissing serves both an erotic and communicative functions.

The old saying goes that for sex, women need a reason but men just need a place. From an evolutionary point of view, that might make for lots of humans, but probably wouldn’t do a heck of a lot for the stable family units needed to get the little suckers to adulthood. So, you ask again, why do we kiss?

First off, kissing is nice (you needed me to tell you that?). Lips contain an incredible concentration of sensory nerve cells.

Lips, tongue and hand (especially the thumb) are biologically designed to be super sensitive. Beyond that, the nerves of the lips and tongue have direct connections to the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for emotion and sex. These connections then tie into the pituitary gland, often called the “master gland.” The result is a decrease in cortisol, a stress hormone, and an increase in oxytocin in males. Oxytocin is the “bonding hormone", which confers feelings of warmth and attachment. Women are known to secrete gobs of the stuff when nursing. You might hypothesize that men need a boost to commitment, and kissing helps with this. Moving on, a good tongue lashing does more than increase the sensory input. This is usually initiated by the male. Male saliva contains testosterone, which stimulates the female (and male) libido, making it more likely that you’ll get to second, third and Score! So, a kiss lowers stress and leads to bonding, and increases the chances of deeper transfers of biologic stuff. We do it because it feels good on both a sensory and chemical-emotional basis. Admittedly, this is not the stuff of Dr. Zhivago, but it beats hell out of nutritional intercourse.

As they say in every infomercial ever made, “But wait-there’s more!”

It seems that kissing has a lot to do with mate selection. During kissing (or nose nuzzling for that matter) the closeness of vomeronasal sensing organs allows for sampling of thekissee’s pheromones. In a study of pheromones, women were told to sniff the used undershirts of various men and asked to pick the ones that “appealed to them.” They picked ones whose genes were different from their own, a valuable way to increase the likelihood of having healthy progeny by avoiding overlapping immune systems. This gives new meaning the need for “chemistry” to make a relationship work.

Now you know that you’re doing something really important when you kiss. How appropriate to discover that even kissing is part of the information age. So go ahead-exchange some biological information, lower your stress and bond.

With inner and outer vibration for the woman providing both clitoral and G-spot stimulation, men are also treated when they enter their partner, sharing in the inner vibrating waves on the member. The We-Vibe, now in its third iteration, has a simple on/off interface to control nine separate vibration modes.

The design is soft and flexible to fit any frame and made of medical-grade silicone. Take the We-Vibe 3 along on trips as it’s discreet and travel-friendly, as well as whisper quiet, even though it is boasting 40% more power than the We-Vibe 2.

This is the ultimate couple’s sex toy. Discover a new level of satisfaction. 

So, after giving me the go-ahead, we were thrilled to learn that there were better reasons to add anal to our bedroom menu than just because it was there. In this case sexual diversity is our end-period, and variety adds spice. Why else are there so many tapas bars and tasting menus? The bedroom gourmet knows that a tossed salad is the ideal addition to the classic sexual surf ‘n turf, complementing prime meat and a select tail.

The first time you had caviar, you had to be shown the right way to enjoy it, and before you sample a new place, you probably read a review. Since I haven’t found anything relevant in the Emily Post or the local Zagat®, I offer this how-to anal sex guide to make sure you don’t go off half cocked.

If your partner is in the game from the start, great. But if you detect some socially driven reticence, let her know that anal sex is as natural as whole wheat, and remind her that bigger things have come out of there than you want to put in.

Next, be ready to demonstrate your savior-faire and skill, because unless your intended is unusually pliant, you may get only one chance to overcome any anal skepticism. I have heard of many well laid plans derailed by clumsiness and misinformation. Remember these three keys to getting anal sex right the first time: direction, lubrication, and relaxation.

Anal sex direction: Notice the direction of the anal antrum (the very first part you get into). It aims toward the belly button, so if you want your entry to be smooth and comfy, aim it that way. And just to whet your appetite, look at what you’re going to pass along the way - Skene’s glands, home of the legendary G-spot. Anal sex provides automatic G-spot stimulation through the front wall of the rectum and back wall of the vagina. To ensure a straight shot, I strongly suggest using a pillow like the Liberator Wedge to get your angles pre-set. Alternatively, girl on top works, too, and gives her greater control, which can help her confidence and relaxation. Unsupported doggy works, but comes in a poor third; too much work involved, especially when the top dog is much bigger than his lucky lover.

Anal lubrication: Regardless of where you dine, you won’t enjoy your meal unless it’s served on a clean plate. For your first visit to this new in-spot, you need to know a few things first. Normally, the rectal ampulla, the part of the colon just inside the anus, is empty. When full of you-know-what you have the urge to eliminate. Conversely, if you don’t have that urge, it’s ready for anal sex. As with any intimate contact normal hygiene should suffice, with perhaps a little extra attention the first time. Next, you’re going to need plenty of lube. Moisture wise, this hole is not a self starter. Choose your favorite from oil, silicone or water based lubes. Oil based last the longest, but don’t have that natural feel and are difficult to clean up. Water based feel great, but can get a bit sticky after about fifteen minutes. I suggest a silicone based preparation (I like Pjur Man®.) Silicones offer the best of both worlds, withnatural feel and extended performance.

The question of condom use often comes up. As with any penetrative sex, disease transmission is always a possibility. If this is a concern, by all means use one, and be sure it is strong and made of latex. Pre-lubed is OK. That said, it’s not mandatory when disease transmission is 100% not a concern. Be prepared though; sometimes when you dip into the honey pot, you come out with a little honey. You decide whether there’s an “ick” factor involved or not.

Relaxation: This is vital to guaranteeing a mutually satisfying romp. The doormen here are a pair of circularmuscles, or sphincters. When contracted they keep things in-and out. Unlike almost every other muscle in the body, these guys stay contracted in their resting state. Good thing too, since this keeps your dry cleaning bill manageable. We all learn to recognize that sense of fullness, and control it when we potty train. Years of daily use means you have to learn a new function - to let the sunshine in, so to speak. To relax the sphincters, you have to “bear down” a bit. I suggest you try it once or twice with a well lubed finger, a dildo or better yet, a butt plug (smooth, clean and natural shaped). You might even want try gradually increasing the size of the butt plugs you use. They can be used discreetly anytime and anywhere. Also, if you’re not used to being touched here during regular sex, the natural response to contact is to “clamp down.” To overcome this, the practiced lover always touches first. The ideal time for this touch is when it’s time to gently apply lube. When the time comes to enter, first rub the lubed tip of the penis over the area. Find the bull’s - eye and apply firm but gentle sustained pressure. Make sure this is met with the “bear down” response. A little rocking back and forth and-bingo-you’re in. Go slowly deeper, pausing to assess the response, advancing onward as indicated. Now go to town. It’s cool to go from vag to rectum, but not the reverse, unless you first wash or remove a condom.

I hope this gets your pot boiling. If you’ve enjoyed this new taste of heaven, congratulations! You’ve expanded your sexual options, including anal sex.

About "Just because it's there": if you don’t know the origin of this famous three word quote, it’s what mountaineer Sir George Mallory answered when asked why he was climbing Mount Everest.

Your ability to touch your lover in just the right way is what sets you apart.  Combine  your touch skills with some creative positioning and you have a formula for some creative, inspiring, and orgasmic experiences.

Here are some erotic massage techniques combined with Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear:

• The Equus and the Body Slide - The Equus is great for giving back and butt massages, but here's a move to keep it really spicy.  Use plenty of oil to make this technique really work.  Liberator stuff is great because you can just zip off the cover and throw it in the washer later!   I recommend using warm oil which you squirt onto your partner and rub into his or her back while they are lying face down on the Equus.  You will also want to rub the oil onto your own chest and belly.  Now pretend your partner is a "slip-n-slide" and start sliding your chest up and down their back.

• The Esse and the T, U, V - Have your partner lie face down on the highest hump of the Esse.  They will get a nice stretch in their back.  I actually adjust my partner's spine in this position!  Now you have great access to their neck and shoulders, back, and butt.  Drip warm oil onto your partner's spine and let it drizzle down, all the way between their butt cheeks.  Slowly massage oil from their butt all the way to their shoulders.  Knead the T, otherwise known as the trapezius muscles, that place in the shoulders where we knot up and hold tension.  Glide your hands down your partner's spine all the way to their butt.  Make a "U" shape with your thumb on one side of their spine and your fingers on the other side, and now push up their spine with firm pressure.  When you get to your partner's shoulders, knead them again, then stroke back down their spine.  Now, kneel on the floor and form a "V" with your index and middle finger and slide your fingers between their legs.  If your partner is a man, you will glide over his taint or root of his penis.  If your partner is a woman, lightly glide over her outer labia.

• The Wedge and Her G-Spot - After lots of foreplay, use this technique to stimulate her G-spot.  Have your partner lie on her back with the Wedge tucked under her sacrum (the triangular bone at the base of the spine).  If you are on a bed, position her at the edge of the bed and you will be sitting on the floor.  Now you have access to her genitals and, if the room is well-lit,  you can clearly see what you are working with.  Use your left hand index finger to stimulate her G-spot in a come-hither motion, anchoring and pulling the tissue.  Use your right hand index finger and thumb to stroke the shaft of her clitoris.  The Wedge allow your to get different angles and easier access, and for her to be propped up comfortably.

• The Ramp and His P-Spot - I use the Ramp for anal massage all the time.  It is great for guys who have tight hamstrings or lower back pain.  It takes some time to give a great prostate massage, so you want to make sure that he is really comfortable.  Have him lie over the ramp so that his head is lower than his butt.  He may want to use a pillow or theWedge under his head or chest to be more comfortable.  Now you have access to his butt and rosebud (anus).  Be sure to give him lots of external massage before attempting internal prostate massage.  One you are to his prostate, massage circles over the area.  Be sure to also use lots of lubrication and go slow!

There are tons of ways to use get more creative with erotic massage and to take it from being on a flat surface to something that gives you more access to your sexy bits!  My partner Jon keeps telling me that we need to create a new type of massage table as he's laying over the Esse and I'm pressing deep into his back muscles.  He loves massage on the arched surface.  I invite you to try it and come up with your own unique erotic massage moves.  And feel free to share with us what you come up with!

As a plus-sized girl, I can tell you that having Liberator Shapes helps make things go much more smoothly. Sure, we can have sex without the shapes, but if you want to move your body into more comfortable positions that don't require stress and strain during use, the Liberator Shapes can help position your body – and keep it there – for more comfortable penetration in your favorite positions.

New Positions

Have you ever wanted to experience new sex positions? While the Kama Sutra may not have included Liberator Shapes in their book, the Shapes do provide new and interesting positions to get into. The Shapes themselves won't offer up any new position choices, but once you start to experiment with your Shape, you'll quickly find that there are tons of new positions that you weren't able to get into before. Not only that, but Liberator offers a position guide with all Shape purchases, so it'll be like having your own version of the Kama Sutra right with your new purchase! No, the positions won't come to you instantly, but Liberator products can open doors to positions you had never thought of before.

Quick Clean-Up

I know we've all heard the old “use pillows to elevate her hips.” Have you ever done that and then realized afterward that you now have bodily fluids, lubricants, and just a general big mess on your pillows? The same pillows that you were supposed to sleep on? Well, Liberator Shapes can help you avoid that. Use them right before bed, and then just toss the shape to the side. In the morning, unzip the cover and toss it into the washing machine with all of your regular laundry. It's very easy, you don't have to go without your pillows at night, and putting a Liberator cover back on a shape is much easier than trying to get those darned pillows back in the pillowcases.

You Like it Messy

Whatever your kink may be, if you like it messy, the Liberator Shapes can come along on the ride with you. Pillows and sheets were never really meant to be drenched in wet play like food or anything else. The Liberator Shapes, on the other hand, are! They include an outer layer of material which will make clean-up extremely simple while the inner layer of material is completely waterproof to keep your mess on the outside. Plus, it's much easier to throw a Liberator cover in the wash instead of your entire bedding.

If you like to get messy on a regular basis, you can always check out the Liberator Throe. It's a soft, sensual waterproof blanket made for all of those fun sex messes. So go ahead, get messy!

Non-Sex Uses

Liberator Shapes aren't just for sex. Some stores sell non-waterproof versions of similar items just for lounging around. Your Liberator Shape works that way too! I can't tell you how many times I've used my Liberator Wedge as a back pillow, and the Liberator Escape works perfect as a make-shift mattress for guests that were going to have to sleep on the floor. The Liberator Throe can double as a kinky, yet usable, blanket for travel if you aren't sure you're going to have sex, and the Liberator Zeppelin pieces all work amazingly as regular furniture as well as sex furniture! We regularly use our Equus Rest as a regular and body pillow while we're sleeping. It's amazing how versatile all of the Liberator pieces can be both in the bedroom and out of it.

There are tons of great reasons to check out the Liberator Shapes. I know we've had an amazing time with ours, and you might find that it's a new way to experience your sexuality!

As a goth fetishist, it's not easy to admit that I sometimes (though very, very rarely) listen to, and like, pop music.

There are a few exceptions, many of them widespread among the goth scene, though. Lady Gaga is an unstoppable force that can't be denied. Both her out of this world fashion sense and irresistable dance beats get everyone to the dance floor, whether they are in an upscale nightclub or a dark goth club.

Katy Perry is not one of those exceptions. While she is remarkably cute, and her style is often influenced by 1950s pin-ups like Bettie Page, her music is irreconcilably pop.

However, in her recent music video for her song "California Gurls", I was able to find several fetish elements. (Or perhaps that is what my twisted brain sees anyway?)

1. She wears wild outfits that would be great at any fetish event or club. The wigs, the stockings, (the shoes!)--it's all hot. The girl scout uniform is especially kinky for those that haveuniform fetishes or like age-play.

2. She is eating delicious treats such as cotton candy, suckers, and a gingerbread man throughout the video. These sensual delights arouse kinsters that are into food play and/or haveoral fixations. The theme of the music video was actually inspired by the work of artist Will Cotton, whose pieces of feature beautiful female nudes surrounded by desserts. What a sweet combination!

3. She is laying naked on a pink cotton candy cloud and looking seductively at the camera. And then you remember that this is the girl who "kissed a girl" and liked it. Need I say more?

4. All of the girls she rescues are enclosed in different items: a bubble gum bubble, jello, a candy wrapper. Those that are into erotic asphyxiation, such as choking and strangling, or heavy bondage such as body bags, might really love this aspect of the video.

Don't worry, I saved the best for last!

5. When Katy walks out in the end of the video with the black hair, red lips, and the red outfit with the garter shorts and thigh highs, she looks like a total dominatrix. She proceeds to grab two cans of whipped cream, shake them up, and spray them out from her boobs to defeat Snoop Dogg and his army of gummy bears. This performance is so very similar to things I have seen fetish performers do, such as the amazing RubberDoll.

Inspired by this video, I decided to peruse the Liberator website to see if I could find candy-inspired, sexy and bright toys. As someone who is used to avoiding bright colors, I think Katy showed me today that just because something is happy and fun, doesn't mean it can't be naughty as hell!

It's well known fact that most men who enjoy BJs prefer that their partners swallow - assuming that they don't belong to more visual camp who enjoys pulling out to see themselves ejaculate on their partner's face or chest.  It's also a well known fact that lots of women (not all!) dislike the taste and/or texture of semen.

The first important question to answer in this debate is why exactly do guys want their partners to swallow.  This is something that many couples don't really think about and often if a guy is asked why, he might say something along the lines of "I dunno, just because" or  "because I like it." Here are some more thought out answers:

1.)Biological hard wiring. Even though oral sex is not vaginal sex, the subconscious mind doesn't differentiate.  Guys are programmed to want to "cum inside" because that's what makes babies.

2.)It feels better.  Swallowing allows a guy to have an uninterrupted orgasm.  He gets to progress to climax, ejaculate and fully enter into the resolution phase of his sexual response all while experiencing a consistent sensation.  This is a much better experience than quickly switching over to a hand job just as a guy  begins to have an orgasm.

If the person giving oral sex opts to spit, it's important to continue the same motions until the guy has completely finished his orgasm.  As long as a guy has the psychological satisfaction of "cumming inside" and the physical satisfaction of not having his orgasm interrupted, it doesn't really matter what happens to the semen afterward.

But let's think about this logically for a moment.  At the point that the giver of oral opts to allow the guy to ejaculate inside of his or her mouth, swallowing is really more efficient than spitting. For everyone who dislikes the taste and texture of cum - consider the two options:

1.)Swallow the semen as it's ejaculated, moving it directly from the penis down the throat.  In this scenario, there is brief, minimal contact with the tongue and the rest of the mouth versus:

2.)Letting him ejaculate in your mouth and holding it all in until he's done - which means taking it all in and maximizing the contact it has with taste buds and time it spends in your mouth.

If taste and texture is what you dislike about cum, swallowing makes a ton more sense. If swallowing cum causes you to gag, or cum upsets your stomach, then you may have a case for spitting.

The real debate, however, is whether or not to allow a man to ejaculate inside the mouth in the first place versus quickly removing the mouth before ejaculation begins.  This fundamentally becomes a question of giving in a relationship.  Men are frequently called to consciously be aware  of their partner's needs.  Since most men orgasm relatively easily, we aren't always conscious of their needs and desires.  Maybe getting semen in your mouth isn't the most pleasant experience to you, but stop and ask yourself what sorts of sexual accommodations your partner has made for your pleasure.

The best relationships are those that exist in cycle of giving between partners.  Instead of getting hung up on and arguing about what each of you refuse to do in bed (and around the house), sometimes it's actually easier to just do them and then see how happy it makes your partner.  Then something that was unpleasant and the source of contention in the past, becomes something that you actually want to do for your partner.

No one in the world can turn me on as much as my husband can.  My husband is active duty military currently serving in Iraq.  We are literally counting down the weeks until he comes home.  We have only been married one year and he has been gone for about half of it.

The thing that keeps us sane during his deployments is taking full benefit of the built in webcams on both of our computers and having "naughty skype"!  We also have built an extensive wish list on the Liberator website of things that we want to purchase for when he comes home. He doesn't know it yet, but I am making sure that it is all here when he walks in the door!  We learned on the last deployment that we spend a lot of time in the house when he finally comes home! You have some fantastic products to use alone or together.

We are most looking forward to trying out the We-Vibe!  It looks amazing! In the next care package I am mailing over to him, I am including a set of the Tenga eggs. They look very interesting and so he will be trying them out before he comes home for two reasons.  First, to see which texture he prefers and second to start getting himself prepared for his homecoming.  It is hard to keep the flame going from so far away but with a little help from Liberator and a lot of help from the internet we are able to continue to find ways to keep each other very happy!

Society, culture and religion have impacted our early experiences and journeys towards self-sexual realization thus branding us with imprints that stifle sexual growth and evolution. As we begin to break free from the shackles of such imprints we become more readily available to integrate the universal fact that sex is the sacred portal to existence.

When approached with honor and reverence we allow ourselves to tap into a new dimension of intimacy. What happens when we choose to participate in conscious union and begin to weave our energy, incorporating breath, dance and clear intentions? Can this be the way we were intended to pray?

We may not truly know the face of our creator but we do know how we came to inhabit our body in this planet. The miraculous experience of birth teaches us that our bodies are sacred and they contain all that we are; would it then be safe to call it our temple? I believe my body is my temple and sensual rapture is my entry way to the divine.

When taking all this into consideration, what do you believe? What does your intuition tell you as the vibration contained in these words travel through your body?

Your journey begins within the sacred space of your love making chambers. Create an altar, light your candles.

Indulge your senses with a platter of juicy fruits, ambient sounds, incense or aromatic candles. Adorn your temple with sensuous fabrics that complement your beauty and choose oils that nourish your skin, titillate your nostrils and flavor your tongue.

If embarking on your sex-spiritual journey alone use a mirror that reflects your temple from head to toe. If with a partner sit in front of each other.

Practice eye gazing and breathe. Cultivate an intention and express it while keeping it at the core of your practice. Is there something you want to manifest? Is there an area that needs healing or clearing?

Give gratitude to yourself and your beloved. As you inhale focus on your pc muscle (located between you anus and genitals) and contract it, this allows you to pull energy up through your root center all the way up your spine exhaling through the crown of your head connecting you to the spirit realm.

Another great energy cultivating technique is the Microcosmic Orbit which dates back to prehistoric times in China and, thanks to Mantak Chia, has become a widely practiced spiritual tool.

Dedication to conscious breath work will dissolve blockages and open your receptors to an elevated state allowing you to move into a dance. You can begin to rock back and forth gradually reflecting a serpent like movement of your spine.

Breathe, exhaling with sound, begin to explore your temple with a feather-like touch of your fingertips. Play with a variety of textures. Use the oils and massage and knead. Don’t stop breathing consciously.

Experiment with all that is erotically possible and continue to pray dedicating your practice to the benefit of all that is and ever will be.

Once you have tried this guideline you will be ready to answer my opening question, can sex become YOUR spiritual practice?

Read more at www.sexualiberator.com

Signed Leticia

Answer: Dear Tish,

Not to worry. You need to know that what comes out of there is bigger than what’s going in. Here are some basic facts about anal sex. First, most people feel at little squeamish at first, but really like it once they get the 3 basics.

There are 3 keys to success: lube, relaxation and anatomy.

First, about lubes. Unlike a vagina, a rear entry needs to be primed. Take your choice of oil, water or silicone based products. Personally, I prefer the silicons for natural feel and easy clean-up, but experiment and enjoy. Use it liberally and apply to both players.

Next is relaxation. Two circular muscles comprise the anal sphincter. Unlike almost all other muscles, this one stays contracted in the resting state, a good thing that keeps your panties clean. So, relaxation takes a conscious effort. We all learn to do this when we get sensation of “fullness,” from the inside. In order to learn to relax when empty, you need to “bear down” a little. You can practice with a (lubed) finger (his or yours or both together), a dildo or a butt plug. You might even want try several butt plugs of increasing girth. They can be used discreetly anytime and anywhere. (You might be surprised to know that the guy in the cube two down from yours has one in right now!)

And finally, anatomy. You can’t hit the target if you don’t aim. The proper angle of entry should be aimed at your belly button. (Proof that everything has a purpose!) Just follow these steps and you and your guy will have added another tasty dish to your lover’s smorgasbord. Bon appétit!

For Him:

Due to the fact I lack a penis most of the male side of this review comes from my other half. The eggs come with their own lube package to be used with the product. Open up the outside packaging and pull the lube packet out and pour the lube into the egg and around the entrance. Though the eggs look small they stretch to fit a good sized penis. I do mean a good sized penis. Size small to size large will fit nicely. If you are one of those guys with a 12 inch cock (*cough liars*) you might want to look elsewhere for your pleasure. As with almost any male masturbator they make a squishy awkward noise when in use. The noise level on the eggs isn’t that bad however which is good for thin walls of an apartment. My boyfriend also says that the lube stays contained within the egg instead of leaking all over him which he considers to be a major bonus. The eggs are meant to be disposable but we’ve learned that with gentle use and a good washing they can be used 3-5 times on average before they break. Liberator even sells extra egg lube that comes in a egg shaped bottle just in case you really like the lube that tenga provides in the eggs.

As for how they feel, we’ve decided on soft squishy heaven. The material feels really nice and doesn’t get tacky just from touching it like some other male toys we’ve tried. The inside of the eggs have different patterns and textures depending on the kind of egg. We fully suggest trying them all. The boyfriend absolutely loves the silky and wavy textures but the clicker doesn’t feel good to him at all. It’s all a matter of preference. Perhaps the best thing about this toy for guys is that because it is completely squishy you can decide where you want pressure. So perhaps you just want to play with the head of your penis? Completely doable. Perhaps you want pressure on the shaft going downwards but not upwards? The variety is left up to you. As a couples toy this is a great one for your partner to use on you as well. It’s soft and not intimidating at all. I personally love playing with them just for how they feel in my hands.

For Her:

So now you know how to use the egg with a partner or as a guy but what if you’re a single woman or in a relationship with another woman? These eggs can be turned inside out and will stretch over the head of the Hitachi magic wand. Yes, soft interesting textures on your Hitachi (or any other wand vibrator). I absolutely love this option. It is so ridiculously innovative. I personally love the clicker texture that my boyfriend dislikes. So when we get a pack of eggs I get the clicker and he gets the smoother textures. As stated before the eggs can be reused several times and can be placed back into their little egg containers for later use. As a side note these also make great stocking stuffers or just little surprises. If your guy is going on a business trip slip one of these in his luggage. They won’t stop airport security and they take up so little room. Not to mention it keeps him out of trouble and thinking of how wonderful you are during his trip.

In short, if you like toys, regardless of gender or marital status, pick up a 6 pack and try them all. (Not terribly unlike poke’mon but these have already been caught for you) They are completely worth it and if you decide after 2 or so that these just aren’t for you, you have 4 more little gifts for the friends in your life who will love you forever. Personally we are keeping all of ours and stock piling more for those long months apart along with the rest of tenga’s wonderful line.