Dear Jaiya,

My husband has lost most of his interest in sex.  What can I do to help him regain interest?


Thank you,




Dear J,

It is so hard when the person that we love and want to connect with physically loses interest in sex.  I know I've been there.  The number one important thing is not to pressure your partner to have sex with you or to criticize them for their lower libido. You have to entice them with appreciation and admiration.  I am wondering though, what may be the cause of your husband's loss of interest?  Has anything happened recently on an emotional level that may have him feeling disconnected from you?


Emotions play a big role in libido, even for men.  If he is really stressed, if something traumatic has happened in his life (loss of job/income, death in the family, moving), or if he is feeling depressed, he may not have much interest in sex.


What is your husband's age?  Has he had is testosterone checked?  Men's testosterone starts to dip as they age.  This can happen slowly and over time with very little notice of side effects.  Low testosterone can affect his active sex drive, his zest for life and his muscle tone.   It could be as simple as getting some bio-identical hormone therapy.  There is also a natural libido stimulant called Maca.  It helps to drive hormones such as testosterone to the right places in the body.  It was a big help to my partner when his libido was low.


This question is the hardest of all:  Is your husband still sexually attracted to you?  I had to face this when my partner of 6 years came to me and told me that he just wasn't attracted to me anymore.  I had other men falling all over me, but he wasn't into me.  It was really hard, yet, we are still together.  Couples often fall out of attraction for each other when they get too close.  Perhaps you need to create a little mystery and obstacle in your relationship.  Does he see everything?  Is he washing your underwear?  Do you have any mystery left in your relationship?  Ask yourself these important questions and get support from someone you trust.