Holiday stress is taking its toll on our health. According to a study recently done by PornHub, world events have a huge impact on whether or not the population is accessing its website, and thereby masturbating. In the United States alone, the amount of people who were self-pleasuring was down 29% on Thanksgiving of last year. Even worse, statistics show that across the globe, masturbation was down 22% on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and 28% on New Years Eve. It’s no wonder that tensions run so high on these holidays!
While we understand that it’s hard to get any “private time” with family and friends gathered around the table or tree, we’re appalled by this trend and are on a mission to bump the numbers this year. After all, masturbation has been shown to boost the immune system, which is essential in cold and flu season, and help fight off depression, which is recorded at all-time highs during the holiday season. Factor in the obvious mood boost that a good orgasm can give you, and it’s clear that not partaking is truly putting your health, not to mention your holiday fun, at risk
To help inspire you in your covert moments of pleasure, we’ve compiled a list of toys that are discreet, quick, and easy to hide from prying eyes. Choose your favorite, fight the tryptophan coma, and find a quiet room to take fifteen minutes for yourself during these holiday celebrations. Your post-climax positive attitude will make this holiday really merry and bright!
Lelo is one of the top names in vibrators, and the Mia is no exception. Designed to combine versatility and convenience, this lipstick-sized vibrator will nestle seductively in your handbag without notice. The USB rechargeable battery eliminates the need for obvious chargers or replacement batteries, making your chances of getting caught slim to none. Bonus: the Mia is not just effective, but pretty!
Cleverly disguised as a tube of lipstick, this vibe is the definition of discrete. Amazingly powerful for toe-curling orgasms yet quiet enough to not be overheard, you’ll be able to hide this toy in your pocket or purse without attracting any raised eyebrows. The only way you’ll get caught is if you lose yourself in the moment.
If you aren’t a fan of the tube-shaped vibes, try the Jimmyjane Form 2 Clitoral Vibrator. The revolutionary design is compact while still offering intense vibrations through each of the flexible “ears,” which is internally powered with an individual motor for each. There is also a convenient lock button, meaning this toy will not alert anyone to its existence by accident.
The Curve is designed to fit in the curve of your hand, not to mention the curves of your body. Add in 3 speeds, 4 functions, and a bluntly pointed tip for targeted stimulation, and you’ll be done so quickly that your family will think you simply stepped away to use the restroom.
Some of you might be able to hit two birds with one stone by turning shower time into pleasure time. Our Liberator experts hand-down recommended taking the Lelo Soraya under the spray with you. Completely waterproof, this dual action vibrator has individual motors for both clitoral and vaginal pleasure and flexible clitoral stimulator that adapts freely to provide incredible ecstasy.
For the men, the best choice is the Tenga Egg. Easy to hide and disposable, this one-use silicone masturbation sleeve offers quick clean-up and undeniable pleasure with multiple options in internal texture. If anyone asks, you’re on an early Easter Egg hunt.