If you haven’t yet made it to the Land of Ahs, you probably wonder if there’s something “wrong.” Forget it-you’re probably in the majority. Studies indicate that only about 7% say they always have orgasms with intercourse while fully 27% say they never do.


Our goal today is simple, get your rocks off. Then you can start to relax, enjoy and build on your success to grow sexually. Our last episode was a detailed inventory of your equipment. This one is a step by step user’s guide. Now let’s have some fun!


Step 1 - Prepare the cock pit. Before lift off, all pilots review their pre-flight checklist. Since this is going to be a solo orgasm, you’ll need a quiet, comfortable and private space. Plan to devote at least a half hour. You might not need that long, but it’s a good idea remove all potential distractions so you can relax and concentrate on yourself. In the 40’s Kinsey found that while 75% men come within 2 minutes of insertion, only 7% of women don’t orgasm after 21 minutes of stimulation. Next, maximize the comfort of your environment. Lock the door and take the phone off the hook (no call screening allowed). Get a quality water or silicon based lube product. Pjur have a variety of excellent products. For now, stay away from anything “warming” or advertising any other additives. Turn up the temperature so you’ll be comfy sans culottes. Turn off the TV. (Music is OK as long as it’s only music and no talk, and won’t need any attention while you’re “busy.” Pick a comfortable spot where you can put your feet up, like bed with pillows, a sofa or bean bag, or even a warm bath. Candles, air fragrances and lighting are optional. Take off all clothing (especially if you’re doing it in the bath tub). Why? Because this is how it’s going to be when you couple.


Step 2 - Taxi down the glide path: Ladies, start your engines. Since sex is a mind-body interplay, so shift your mind into gear. Enjoy the anticipation of a pleasant experience. Call up a mental image of someone you’d enjoy canoodling with. It can be a spouse, boy or girl friend, celebrity, neighbor whatever (no pets, please). Fantasies are definitely in order, they are pretty much part of everyone’s (even your Aunt Mildred’s) sex life. Relax. Breathe deeply and rhythmically from the diaphragm. Eastern arts like yoga, tai-chi or kung-fu all use breathing to help calm the nervous system and improve self awareness.


The first stage of sexual arousal involves a quickening of pulse and breathing rate, and the beginning of secretion and engorgement. You never want to have your clit rubbed when not moistened or warmed. Transfer a nickel sized dollop of lube between the labia and gently distribute from top to bottom. Once you get more aware of the signs and sequence, you may find that you produce all the joy juice you need, but for now, we’ll make sure there’s plenty of pre-warmed glide in place. Start to touch yourself, breasts, nipples and outsidevagina. Do what feels good and take your time. Your nipples may perk up, and your lower lips may swell. You might even feel some juices flowing. You’re getting ready for take off.


Step 3 - Give it the gas and lift off: Move your finger around gently as you spread the moisture around. Feel the inside of the labia majora, the outside and inside of the labia minora. Mmmmm, soft! Touch the opening of your vagina. Come back out and slide up to where the two labia minora meet. Don’t go for your clitoral head yet. First touch the outside of the hood, feeling the clitoris underneath it. Massage it from the outside. When you’re ready, slide under the clitoral hood. Try to recognize the shaft and the head. See how the parts feel when touched. Rub up and down, side to side. Come back to the base of the shaft and then slide down the clitoral legs, first right, then left. Return to your clitoral shaft, and stroke the part that feels best the way that pleasures you most. Experiment. Have fun.


Step 4 - Loop the loop: When you’ve got things well in hand, pick up the pace. Let yourself go, and surrender to any urges. Rock your hips, put a finger in your butt, go with whatever impulse grabs you. It’s all yours to enjoy. The full range of the erectile ring will be swelling now. You may notice that these parts like being touched a lot more than before. You may even have the urge to be penetrated. Not yet, babe. Keep stroking, faster, faster, let it build, build. When it’s time let it go. Scream, curse, move, writhe. Put a dildo inside yourself or use your finger.


Step 5 - Back to terra firma: Whew! Way to go. Relax. Enjoy the glow.


Step 6 - Review and take home lessons: Why isn’t it always this easy? How do I get this to work with my honey? For almost all women, the surest way to orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. Remember, most gals can’t reach orgasm just from intercourse. The distance from clitoris to vaginal opening varies. In some women the two are really close, in others further apart. If the distance is greater than 1 ½ inches (about the length of the last part of your thumb) the penis won’t make contact with your bud during sex. It takes time and practice to do right by your clit. If your guy needs help with this part, don’t be afraid to take charge. Take his hand and put it where you want it. He might be surprised at first but I promise he’ll love being led by the hand. Start outside and don’t move inside till you’re moist and engorged (remember the feeling?). If you need lube, fine, just remember to keep it handy and don’t overdo it. When you feel ready, give him the signal and pull him in. A shared orgasm is one of life’s truly great experiences.


In recognition of your great dedication in reaching the next plateau, you are being awarded the coveted MAP degree, Master of the Art of Pussology. And ff it doesn’t work every time, no biggie. Remember, batting .300 gets you into the Hall of Fame. Now get out there and practice, practice practice!