Go ahead, take a minute to process it.

You ready? Awesome.

Fisting is one of the most misconceived sexual acts out there. It has served as the butt of many locker room jokes, and is spoken of in hushed, embarrassed tones among some of even the most “kinky” of people. The idea of such a large amount of flesh inserted into what seems to be a small area has turned this act taboo, and often makes the more delicate connoisseur squeamish. Also, while it is not formally banned in pornography, it is an act that is not prominent in the industry. This is due primarily to the implimentation of the “Miller Test” to all pornography, an obscenity test that determines whether speech or expression can be considered too inappropriate for the consumer. As expected, fisting does not often make the grade, leading it to be close to completely removed from porn that is sold on the market.

However, at a recent workshop at our Flagship Store in Atlanta, one of our sexperts Tony Smith gave a presentation on “Demystifying the Vagina.” His information spanned the full spectrum of possibilities, from clitorial stimulation to vaginal insertion, and included a user-friendly breakdown of fisting. It was a rousing and eye-opening introduction to this concept and stripped the fear and taboo from the act for the audience in attendance. We of course wanted to share our newfound information with you.

Tony first defined fisting for what it actually is to “clear the air.” Brachiovaginal or brachioproctic insertion is any act where a person attempts to fit as much of a hand as possible into the vagina or anus respectively to achieve the maximum amount of pressure possible. Contrary to popular belief, it’s often not a full closed fist inserted without abandon. Instead, your hand should be shaped like a spear or a “duck bill,” as this will help spread the vagina or anus more easily. Also, the idea of pumping the fist in and out is not true, unless the person receiving is an expert. Even then, the performance requires little to no movement of your appendage, relying primarily on the pressure for gratification.

In addition to assigning a proper definition, there were several myths that Tony has tried to debunk in his time teaching, the most popular of which is that the vagina or anus will become stretched out when fisted. Of course, the act of childbirth would contradict this for vaginal fisting, but the myth still persists. Tony points out that the same principles apply to your vaginal or anal muscles as it does to the rest of your body when exercising:  a stretched muscle is a stronger and faster muscle, with better control. Fisting, when accompanied by daily kegel exercises, can help a woman’s vagina become stronger and more controlled in the bedroom, allowing her to give her partner an entirely new experience during vaginal sex.

The real benefit, Tony says, comes from the payoff. The orgasm that Tony describes witnessing during brachiovaginal insertion could only be classified as a “soulgasm.” He says his partners have felt the orgasm within her whole body, from head to toe, and is unlike any other completion that he has witnessed.

Tony also wanted to eliminate the idea that fisting is an act of detachment or degradation, instead saying that fisting is one of the most intimate acts that he has ever performed or experienced. The ability to feel and be felt by both partners is greater with fisting, due to the large amount of flesh inserted into the vagina or anus, as well as the contrast of sensitivity between the penis and the hand. The hand is literally made to feel things, and this gives new insight into your partner’s insides. Fisting is meant to gratify and pleasure your partner, and Tony insists that the entire process should be approached with respect to that.

If this seems like your proverbial cup of tea, Tony has broken down some important components of fisting and offered his own brand of advice. To warn you, this advice is geared towards the vagina, but can be applied to the anal cavity with care.

Take a deep breath.

The best advice Tony can give above all else is to relax. Your partner and you need to be loose and willing. Any clenching on your partner’s behalf could make the experience unpleasant. Tony recommends giving your partner a thorough massage, drink a glass of wine together, or whatever will best help your significant other take the edge off.

It’s all mental.

It’s well known that men are traditionally “turned on” by visual stimulation. However, for women, Tony states that sex is 85% mental. If you are engaging in this act with a female and her mind is not present in the moment, she won’t be relaxed and she will have a much harder time giving in to the heat of the moment. Make sure that you have fully committed to getting her in the mood, and that she is gung-ho about what you’re about to do. Try setting the scene, or showing her your masterful oral skills to help her get excited.  

Get that manicure.

This should be self-explanatory, but let’s break it down—broken, unfiled, and unkempt nails can hurt just when you scratch your leg accidentally. Imagine that in your partner’s vagina or anus. Now go get the clippers and a nail file, and get to work.

Take a bathroom break.

The amount of pressure that is being applied to the vagina or anus is obviously meant to be pleasurable, but can negatively impact the surrounding body parts in some embarrassing fashions. Advise your partner to visit the restroom before beginning, and take a break if he or she feels the need during.

Too much is almost enough.

Fisting is obviously a deed that is considered invasive, and lubrication is a must. Tony stresses that you need to use an enormous amount of lube, and that too much is almost enough. While he has used natural or water-based lubes in the past, he recommends using a lube that doesn’t evaporate easily and has staying power. A silicone-based lube such as the Swiss Navy Silicone Lubricant will satisfy your needs perfectly.

Remember that all sexual acts are about pressure.

Traditional sex is all about pressure—the penis enters the vagina to create a “filled” sensation, and then vagina or anal cavity squeezes back to make up the rest of the space. With fisting, the receiving orifice is not providing pressure—the hand is. Tony says that the idea is to create the pressure, giving the muscles a new version of pleasure. There will be little to no movement on the part of your hand, which makes the act far less intrusive than the common misconception. If there does need to be more pressure, do let your partner’s body make up the difference

Take your time.

Brace your arm and strap in, because fisting is not a short-term commitment. Be patient, particularly if this is the first time, as it could take upwards to an hour and a half for the hand to be worked completely into the vagina or anus. It is a workout for both partners!

Know the terrain.

The muscles in the vagina can obviously stretch quite impressively, but there are body parts in that region that do not. The pubic bone in particular can be painful if engaged improperly during fisting, so be sure to go slow and map out the vagina before pushing too much.

Talk it out.

Communication is key in these situations. Tony stresses the need to not only stay in constant contact with your partner during this act, but to also read her body. If she not enjoying herself, reassure her. If she’s experiencing too much pressure, ease off. You are engaging in this act to please her, and all of your actions should reflect this.

Overall, fisting isn’t as scary as it’s made out to be. Though not for the faint of heart, it can be an incredibly satisfying and intimate act between partners. Make sure that if you do decide to go for it, be safe, use caution, and have a ton of fun experimenting!

To book Tony for a classes or workshops, email him at [email protected].