I had never planned to wait until marriage. Even when I was in junior high and we were getting the abstinence talks, I knew it just wasn't happening. In high school, I wanted to wait until I had a serious boyfriend. I had ample opportunities to hook up, especially when I was 16 and attending college parties, but I wanted to be with someone special. Someone that I cared about and felt comfortable around.
While I dated casually in high school, I never had a boyfriend. I attribute that to the fact that I was much more mature than the other guys in my school, and I was more intimidating. I didn't have a girl's body; my curves were more akin to a woman in her 20s (and this is probably why all of the college guys wanted to hook up with me).Then I turned 18. I graduated high school a virgin. I didn't so much care about losing my virginity right away, so this was no "American Pie" situation. I was waiting for love, or so I thought, and it would happen eventually.
In my first semester of college, I met a man. He was a sexy Latin American. He was smart, a senior in engineering in fact, and he played for the school's rugby team. We met at a party. We hit it off right away, but he was really cocky. I blew him off; it was like I somehow knew this guy was trouble.
Then we ran into each other on campus. After a flirty conversation, he gave me a sensual kiss on the cheek and ran off to class. I couldn't help it. I was attracted to him, and he turned me on. We ran into each other at a few more parties until he finally asked for my number. Then one night he called me and invited me over to watch a movie at his house. Against my best judgment, I accepted. I had a feeling this was going to be it. It was like I knew it was coming, and I wanted it but I didn't want it at the same time.
When I got to his place, he looked amazing. He smelled amazing! He was freshly showered, and his cologne was like a magnet pulling me to him. I gave him a hug and sat down, trying to remain calm. He put the movie on. We managed to watch about five minutes of it before we started making out.
It was very passionate. He was an amazing kisser. And in my years of holding off on sex, I got pretty damn good at kissing myself! After a few minutes, he asked if he could go down on me. I had told countless guys no before (again, I was waiting for someone special), but with him I couldn't help myself. After a bit, he was so turned on with how wet I was that he took me into the bedroom. I told him I wasn't ready, but he said I was, most likely referring to my wetness and not my state of mind. I wanted to argue with him and leave, to continue in my search for Mr. Right.
But after years of telling my body no, I finally said yes. I gave in to what my body so desperately wanted. It felt good, but it wasn't as good as I had hoped. We dated for a few months after that, but I still wasn't that into the sex. I later realized it was because I was with someone I didn't know as well and wasn't comfortable with. If I had in fact waited to lose my virginity with the "right" guy, it might have been better, but I can't say I 100% regret my decision that night. For better or worse, it shaped me into who I am now, and I wouldn't change it.
Who I am now, by the way, is a sexual beast. Maybe I was making up for lost time or all of the times I was with guys and didn't orgasm. But when I have sex with my guy I've been for the last several years, I always have multiple orgasms. I am ready to have sex at any time. I always want it, and I usually require very little foreplay before I'm ready to go. Sex is a time when I can explore myself and my partner, and it is never boring. It took me a few years to get to this point from where I started, but I'm sure that is normal no matter what situation you lose your virginity.
My advice to any virgins out there is this. Wait for someone special, if you can, because then the sex will be that much more special and enjoyable. If for some reason you feel you can't wait, or like me you completely lose your head, don't beat yourself up over it. Remember that the first time is always awkward no matter whom you're with, and you'll get better. Practice makes perfect, and what is more fun to practice than sex?