There never seems to be enough time in the day.
Everything is out of balance.
Personal needs are being shoved aside for more “important” things.
I’ve been there.
Perhaps your typical day looks a lot like mine. Get up at the crack of dawn, get my son up and off to school, then WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK like a mad woman, pick my son up from school, get dinner ready, try to squeeze in more work while watching my son, fixing dinner, and straightening up the house. My partner D.Love gets up at 5AM to start work and arrives home at between 6 and 7PM. We spend some quality time with our son, get him off to sleep, work some more and finally fall, exhausted, into bed. Granted we have a third person helping us with some of this, but it doesn’t count traveling, writing deadlines, shooting media, working out, taking care of my health, finding time to eat, etc. etc. etc. It’s a long way of saying I work 90-hour weeks and I’m really, really living a FULL life.
Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my work. I LOVE every minute of it! And I’m not complaining. My overwhelm these days is positive. It’s the result of too much opportunity!
However, I hear from many couples (and you may be in this stage too) that they don’t have enough time for sex. What I didn’t mention in the above list is that I do make time daily to cultivate and celebrate my erotic life. If I can do it, with everything I have going on, so can you! While it may not be your mission in life, it is essential to living a connected and more alive life. And a healthy sexuality is essential to a healthy relationship.
So HOW do you create satisfying sexy time?
1- SCHEDULE IT! – Just like a business meeting that you put into your calendar, scheduling sexy time can help you stick to you commitments. This can be time alone or time with a partner.
2- ODD TIMES- When scheduling sexy time find times that are not when you are exhausted. My partner and I are both wiped out at the end of the day, so we schedule morning time together or afternoon delights. Sometimes we get a sitter and have before dinner intimacy.
3- FUN Vs. OBLIGATION – Make your solo pleasure time, or partnered pleasure time, fun versus something that seems like yet another thing to do. Come up with creative ideas that help you feel like this is something you GET to do vs. something you HAVE to do. Toys, massage, sex labs, are all ways to cultivate more fun.
4- KNOW WHY – Sex is good for you! Research has shown that sex and orgasm help you improve your health and may extend your life. Sex helps you connect more deeply with yourself or a partner. It can greatly improve your relationship.
5- TOGGLE – The hardest part of going from a busy work day or playing with your kids is having a toggle to kick-start your libido. One of my students said to me “My libido just hasn’t been there so I don’t do anything.” That’s a great thought for sending your sex life to it’s grave. Even if you don’t FEEL like it you can get things going with a few simple techniques. Try stretching together, do a little yoga, a little deep breathing or try some back massage to start shifting your systems into another gear.
These are just a few suggestions for how you can start to create time and space for an enjoyable quantity of sexual connection. Believe me, if I can do it with my schedule so can you!