Question: My boyfriend wants to do anal, but he is HUGE, and just the thought of “that thing” in “there” has me freaked. What do I do?

Signed Leticia

Answer: Dear Tish,

Not to worry. You need to know that what comes out of there is bigger than what’s going in. Here are some basic facts about anal sex. First, most people feel at little squeamish at first, but really like it once they get the 3 basics.

There are 3 keys to success: lube, relaxation and anatomy.

First, about lubes. Unlike a vagina, a rear entry needs to be primed. Take your choice of oil, water or silicone based products. Personally, I prefer the silicons for natural feel and easy clean-up, but experiment and enjoy. Use it liberally and apply to both players.

Next is relaxation. Two circular muscles comprise the anal sphincter. Unlike almost all other muscles, this one stays contracted in the resting state, a good thing that keeps your panties clean. So, relaxation takes a conscious effort. We all learn to do this when we get sensation of “fullness,” from the inside. In order to learn to relax when empty, you need to “bear down” a little. You can practice with a (lubed) finger (his or yours or both together), a dildo or a butt plug. You might even want try several butt plugs of increasing girth. They can be used discreetly anytime and anywhere. (You might be surprised to know that the guy in the cube two down from yours has one in right now!)

And finally, anatomy. You can’t hit the target if you don’t aim. The proper angle of entry should be aimed at your belly button. (Proof that everything has a purpose!) Just follow these steps and you and your guy will have added another tasty dish to your lover’s smorgasbord. Bon appétit!